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    Sep 20, 2013

    What It's Like To Strongly Dislike Feet

    Hate is a strong word. A strong, accurate word. (All images of feet have been censored).

    1. Summer is one big barf fest.

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    Flip flops. Flip flops everywhere.

    2. As ugly as they are, you appreciate Crocs because they at least contain the foot.

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    Colorful little footcages.

    3. Whenever your friends go on vacation, you have to speed scroll past all of their #toesinthesand pics.

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    While saying "Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew" the whole time.

    4. If you get onto a subway car with a foot-themed ad, you promptly switch trains.

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    Rather be late for work and suffer the consequences.

    5. Your version of hell would be working at a nail salon that specialized in pedicures for particularly gnarly foot owners.

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    Like ballerinas and construction workers.

    6. If this ever happened to your pillow you would have to destroy both the pillow and the person who committed the crime.

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    Understand: This is equivalent to pooping on someone's pillow.

    7. This is you every time someone jokes about having a foot fetish.

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    You've crossed the line, sir. You've crossed it hard.

    8. Foot rubs: You don't give them, you don't receive them.

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    Literally not sorry.

    9. If you accidentally catch a glimpse of a truly grotesque pair of footsies, it can straight up ruin your day.

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    WHY. Today was hard enough without having to make eye contact with those nightmare makers.

    10. You wish water shoes were required footwear at all public pools.

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    Cover those suckers UP.

    11. You have actual hate for the person who invented the peep toe pump.

    12. You're skeptical of homes that require you to take off your shoes before entering.

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    Why? What's going to happen in there?

    13. Most people are uneasy when flying. You're uneasy in the security line.

    Thanks, Obama.

    14. Feet on my table?

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    You'll be feet in the grave.

    15. You sometimes get overwhelmed that at any time*, there are twice as many feet as people in any given room.

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    *Typically speaking.

    16. Yoga seemed like a cool new hobby. Until you found out about the no shoes rule.

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    Thanks, I think I'll stick to hiking where people where boots because they're CIVILIZED.

    17. You do all your shoe shopping online so you don't have to risk seeing barefoot monsters at the shoe store.

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    Have some decency, people!

    18. You don't get why this is even a sign. Of course you should wear shoes inside a store.

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    YOU SHOULD WEAR SHOES EVERYWHERE. EVEN TO BED.

    19. Just the word "toe ring" makes you queasy.

    20. You have the utmost respect for podiatrists.

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    Putting themselves in the line of danger every day. Brave souls.

    21. And when people ask you why you hate feet so much, you don't have much to say.

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    BECAUSE THEY'RE LIKE MUTATED HANDS THAT LIVE IN YOUR SWEATY SOCKS ALL DAY, WHAT IS THERE TO LIKE?

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