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18 Things You Should Never Do When Applying Makeup

These are huge beauty no-nos.

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1. Do not paint nail polish directly onto your teeth, despite the fact that teeth look like really dense fingernails. They are not the same thing, and mouthwash does not work like nail polish remover.

2. Do not refer to the mascara as "eye hair paint." It'll freak out your roommates, apparently.

3. Do not use an eye pencil to draw a tiny tear drop under your eye before going on a first date. It doesn't make you seem more sensitive. It means something else entirely.

4. Lipstick is for your upstairs lips only.

5. Do not put eyeshadow on your entire face to block UV rays. It doesn't work like a real shadow.

6. Blush is an actual product you can buy. You don't have to stand in front of the mirror thinking about that time in 7th grade health class when you pronounced it "Gon-NOR-eeah" like it was a kingdom in Middle Earth.

7. You are not required to dig a hole before applying foundation.

8. The makeup is called "nude," but it's OK to wear clothes while using it, according to the fine men and women of New York's 114th precinct.

9. Do not curl each individual eyelash into a perfect corkscrew. No one will appreciate the hours you spent, not even if you hold up your phone and yell "IT SAYS CURL YOUR EYELASHES RIGHT HERE, KAREN" in a crowded Red Lobster.

10. Lip liner is meant to help your lips stand out, but using it to draw an arrow on your cheek with the words "LIPS ARE HERE" is unnecessary.

11. Do not panic when a beauty blogger tells you how to make your eyes "pop." They mean metaphorically. But do prepare for the weeks of nightmares that will follow.

12. Do not use an actual blender to "blend" two makeup colors together. You can just mush them around on your face after you write your roommates a card apologizing for the chalky taste in their smoothies.

13. Do not draw groceries under your eyes. That's not how you fill in the bags.

14. There is no fire required for getting smokey eyes.

15. There is no surgery required for getting cat eyes.

16. Yes, they're called eye pencils but people will get mad if you sign your checks with them.

17. No one likes it when your put your makeup on a pallet, wear a big brown afro, and chase them around saying you want to paint "happy makeup clouds" on their "happy little faces."

18. And never, ever use dark lipliner with a light lip color. What do you think this is, the '90s?

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