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Posted on Dec 15, 2017

Mark Hoppus From Blink-182 Had A Great Year On Twitter

All the. Small tweets.

1. On identity:

I took a "which member of blink-182 are you" quiz, answered every question honestly, and got Travis Barker. 🤔

2. On zeitgeist:

I hooked my fidget spinner up to my vape pen and The Millennials crowned me King of Avocado Toast

3. On perspective:

Me: A 3-hour movie?! Who does that?! Also me: I will now watch all 13 hours of this tv series in one sitting.

4. On emergency situations:

Hello? 911? Yes I’m on a long trip and my dad is singing Despacito to me?

5. On capitalism:

WHEN PEOPLE SAY MERRY CHRISTMAS THEY’RE CONTINUING THE WAR ON HAPPY HONDA DAYS.

6. On responsibility:

Guys, Mom and I are going to the movies. There’s money for pizza (no pineapple) on the kitchen table. Be careful an… https://t.co/Br9aOPNZYZ

7. On music history:

Josh: nineteen pilots? Tyler: mmm...nah Josh: ....twenty pilots? Tyler: idk, still feels like it’s not there Josh:… https://t.co/JHhj5DMcQ5

8. On daylight savings:

I used my extra hour staring at my phone.

9. On true Hollywood stories:

One time I ended up at a Halloween party at Carrie Fisher’s house and she was dressed as Princess Leia. True story.

10. On astrology:

CUT MY LIFE INTO PISCES JUST READ MY HOROSCOPE

11. On shooting your shot:

I asked my wife if her doctor suggested she try BOFA and she asked what’s BOFA and now I’m screaming laughing and she’s filing for divorce.

12. On responsibility:

[suddenly waking in a cold sweat] MY ANIMAL CROSSING VILLAGE!!

13. On safety:

Don’t mess with someone drinking a coconut La Croix. They’re already at rock bottom and have nothing left to lose.

14. On gynecology:

15. On asking the hard questions:

Why is it “MLB Baseball?” Doesn’t that mean Major League Baseball Baseball?

16. On continuity:

I saw the first one but will I understand Blade Runner 2049 if I haven’t seen Blade Runner 2-2048? Haha. Great tweet, Mark. Top stuff.

17. On the holiday spirit:

18. On self-control:

FOR👏🏻LUNCH👏🏻I👏🏻HAD👏🏻A👏🏻SALAD

19. On pop culture:

For Halloween I’m going as Georgie’s arm.

20. On changes:

This 280 characters thing is worse than when my parents got divorced.

21. On parenting:

Messaging my son the Pennywise emoji with echo to haunt his nightmares.

22. On very good ideas:

An Australian cover band called Panic! at the Dingo. Yep. Send.

23. On influence:

24. On politics:

HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO EXPLAIN TED CRUZ TO OUR CHILDREN?!

25. On second drafts:

We're going down down Getting killed by a clown & sugar this circus is shitty I'll be ur # 1 w/a mullet Sexy logride guy stuck in a ball pit

26. On nomenclature:

Your emo name is the first name of your favorite Fall Out Boy member followed by your favorite Jimmy Eat World album.

27. On the cost of entertainment:

Oh sure. When a *DJ* drops the bass it's cool, but when *I* drop the bass it clangs and the neck breaks. This site is free get off my back.

28. On seeing someone for who they are:

Realizing one of your friends has a non-iPhone phone is like finding out they've done hard time for murder.

29. On women's fashion:

WHAT THE HELL IS AN OPEN TOAD SHOE?!

30. On the current state of affairs:

[logging into twitter 2012]: Do you have any updog? [logging into twitter 2017]: Does our beloved republic still stand?

31. On holding Disney accountable:

I am furious at this continuity error in Beauty and the Beast.

32. On crime:

If you pronounce it "expresso" I'm calling the FBI.

33. On recognizing greatness:

Twice today I saw people wearing blink-182 t-shirts and said "hey cool shirt!" and got looked at like "yeah whatever you old space garbage!"

34. On equality:

Oh great a female Doctor Who. What next? Female real doctors? Female pilots? Female scientists? Female sisters and mothers? Female WOMEN?!

35. On getting to the point:

36. On society:

Unverified accounts, don't read this. . . . . Verified accounts: See you at the secret clubhouse later. Haha at unverified accounts. Gross.

37. On self-realization:

But in the end, it was the fidget who spun me.

38. On knowing thyself:

I don't have any cute family photos with me as a baby to post because I was born a full-grown dad with cargo shorts and a BBQ apron.

39. On attention spans:

Can't even tell you the number of times I've gone "ugh that's enough," and closed twitter then immediately said "oh! twitter!" and reopened.

40. On staying connected:

If I ever die, bury me in the section of the cemetery that gets good wifi.

41. On consistency:

BACK on my bullshit? Buddy, I was never off my bullshit in the first place.

42. On fanboying:

who said "a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down" and not "a fever you can't sweet out?" this is a p!atd fan fic account now.

43. On ego:

44. On honesty:

I had a song from Moana stuck in my head the entire show tonight.

45. On invention:

46. On the spread of knowledge:

Today I learned the difference between a graveyard and a cemetery. Graveyards are attached to churches and cemeteries aren't. Dad facts.

47. On reading people:

All I need to know everything about who you are as a person is what your favorite Jimmy Eat World album is.

48. On subtlety:

[leaves you on *read* for three hours]

49. On being a good neighbor:

Someone a few houses over is having a party. I can hear the music and laughter and people enjoying themselves. I'm calling the damn cops.

50. On personal brand:

[to the tune of the Hot Pockets jingle] "🎤Mark Hoppus🎤"

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