back to top

50 Hilarious Christine Sydelko Tweets That Made 2017 Suck A Little Less

"I glew down." — C. Sydelko, 2017

Posted on

1. On self-preservation:

I refuse to drive behind school buses because I'm afraid the cool kids sitting in the back are gonna taunt me

2. On body image:

the only reason I want to lose weight is so I can rap shoop by salt n pepa at karaoke bars without getting out of breath

3. On happily ever afters:

sometimes if you look hard enough, you'll find your happy ever after💕

4. On wellness:

ask your doctor if being a hollaback girl is right for you

5. On doppelgängers:

6. On making informed decisions:

7. On surprises:

turn your brightness up for a secret message

8. On loyalty:

wow Joe Jonas is really gonna get engaged to another girl the day after he liked my instagram???

9. On understanding:

10. On legacy:

I want my tombstone to say cha cha real smooth

11. On nutrition:

my idea of eating balanced breakfast is having a lunchable instead of a sleeve of ritz crackers so I hit more of the food groups

12. On religion:

4 years ago today I was interviewed for the news about Pope Francis but the graphic made it look like I was the new…

13. On history:

I'm a slut for the industrial revolution

14. On permanency:

15. On treating yourself:

bouncer: ma'am this area of the club is VIP only me: it's ok I'm a member

16. On speaking your truth:

17. On missed opportunities:

one time in college I took US History 1800-1900 to learn about my favorite president Teddy Roosevelt but he didn't take office until 1901

18. On habits:

how do people have "nightly routines" I just shove the laundry off my bed and go to sleep I'm lucky if I even remember to brush my teeth

19. On human relations:

when 2 straight guys accidentally brush hands while walking

20. On integrity:

I don't need this bullshit I have a lunchable at home

21. On relishing opportunities:

22. On self reflection:

I still think all cats are girls and all dogs are boys is that unwoke

23. On personal brand:

why do I look like a toddler and old man at the same time

24. On convenience:

I wish drive in movies were still a thing not because I'm nostalgic but because I want to literally live in my car

25. On identity:

26. On pop culture:

27. On current events:

happy birthday Abraham Lincoln I can't believe it's been 30 years since you died in hurricane sandy much respect

28. On asking the tough questions:

how are we as a society not sure exactly how old Mariah Carey is??what does that say about us?

29. On fear:

one time I burped and it sounded like "babadook" and I couldn't sleep for 3 days because I was convinced he was coming to get me

30. On morality:

I'm ashamed that I own paul blart mall cop on dvd but I'm even more ashamed that I stole it from my grandma's retirement home

31. On wild nights:

32. On personal taste:

if I had to choose between being murdered and watching an entire episode of the big bang theory I would choose murder

33. On the tough questions:

ok but which one of the hamburger helper glove's fingers is his dick?

34. On music festivals:

35. On making mistakes:

I got high and thought it would be funny to order $50 worth of cereal but now I just realized I have no bowls and also it's not even funny

36. On calling out the bullshit:

movie studio: we are gonna produce a movie set in ancient Egypt casting director: here's a white guy wearing eyeliner

37. On ~lewks~:

good morning I look like the villain from the incredibles

38. On expectations:

just like my pre school t ball game, I didn't come here to play

39. On state of mind:

I'm so high I just tried to Shazam a song that was playing in my sims game

40. On art:

41. On celebrity:

I'm flying first class drinking ginger ale and a girl just came up and asked me for my autograph I feel like Scotty Pippen

42. On economics:

I don't even eat avocado toast and I'm still poor

43. On milestones:

44. On evolution:

45. On appearance:

I may DRESS like a retired football coach but I ALSO have the body of a retired football coach

46. On devotion:

when ur allergic to cats but u love them

47. On ideating:

48. On safety:

one time a creepy old man on the bus asked me what my favorite food was so I said "appetizers" and got off even though it wasn't my stop

49. On cinema:

50. And finally, on what's most important in life:

I honestly, deeply, truly, wholeheartedly, genuinely, really do not give a fuck

For more Best of 2017 content, click here!

Top trending videos

Watch more BuzzFeed Video Caret right

Top trending videos

Watch more BuzzFeed Video Caret right
The best things at three price points