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33 Things All Office Workers Secretly Do But Don't Talk About

"Happy birthday to [mumbles]. Happy birthday to [mumbles]."

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1. Use sick days for hangover days.

2. Eat the birthday cake of an employee we don’t totally know the name of.

3. “Borrow” pens.

4. Browse for other jobs at our job.

5. Seek out the best bathroom to poop in.

6. Get annoyed when someone’s in the bathroom stall we've mentally claimed.

7. Take the stairs to avoid social interactions.

8. Push on the wall directly next to the “door open” button in the elevator to make it look like we’re trying to hold it for someone.

9. Ask “How was your weekend?” without really caring about the answer.

10. Chat our friends at their jobs all livelong day.

11. Gossip.

12. Watch YouTube videos.

13. Eat a stinky lunch at our desk.

14. Drink out of a used coffee mug after giving it a quick “rinse.”

15. Reward 10 minutes of work with 20 minutes of social media.

16. Forward aggressive work emails to our friends with the subject: “Look at this shit.”

17. Purposely schedule doctor’s appointments during working hours.

18. Try to make a lunch out of the vending machine items so we don't have to leave the building.

19. Overcaffeinate to the point of heart palpitations.

20. Take a nip of salad dressing from our coworkers' stash in the fridge when they’re not looking.

21. Store weirdly personal items in our desk drawers.

22. Come to work unshowered.

23. Have a sneaky beer at lunch on a Friday.

24. Accidentally crop-dust an entire wing of the office.

25. Sit on the toilet just to take a five-minute break.

26. Google our coworkers.

27. Get weird and bad crushes.

28. Fantasize about quitting in a dramatic fashion.

29. Sit next to our best friends during meetings so we can silently poke each other when someone says something bonkers.

30. Unintentionally pick up on our coworkers' bathroom habits.

31. Stretch that lunch break to its absolute limit.

32. Stay up late on a Sunday to delay Monday even though we know we’re just making it worse for ourselves.

33. Cry in an empty conference room.

Thumbnail images sourced here, here, and here.

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