Ranking Every Hat Frank Rossitano Wears On "30 Rock"

(Episode 6-9)—No.

(Episode 4-3)—Frank, no.

(Episode 2-9)—NO, Frank. BAD.

(Episode 3-1)—*Weeps softly* Why, Frank?

(Episode 3-1)—Frank...

(Episode 1-9)—Maybe he has a lot of friends named Rodrick.

(Episode 6-6)—Absolutely not.

(Episode 6-7)—I said no.

(Episode 1-15)—I'll assume he means ketchup bottles.

(Episode 2-5)—Mine are frowning at this hat.

(Episode 2-9)—As off-putting as the word "moist."

(Episode 2-4)—*Sighs.*

(Episode 1-12)—The video game reference may be consistent with the essence of the character, but I crave more.

(Episode 1-4)—I don't doubt it.

(Episode 1-14)—Pointy!

(Episode 5-4)—This feels very unFrank. Very unFrank indeed.

(Episode 4-11)—What how.

(Episode 3-16)—I'll be honest. I can't read that hat. I think it says VHS, but some internet sources say it reads VWD, which is a hereditary bleeding disorder. Both are upsetting, so let's move on.

(Episode 4-3)—Ping-Pong players know all the moves.

(Episode 2-13)—Yes, I am sure that trucker hats are standard-issue uniform for most emergency workers.

(Episode 1-8)—If Frank's oversized spectacles weren't enough to indicate his extra-sensory intelligence, now he has a hat to prove it.

(Episode 2-1)—Brb, renaming my punk band.

(Episode 1-16)—The third O! WHAT DOES IT MEAN?

(Episode 1-19)—Because the word "detective" is so overdone.

(Episode 1-20)—Let me guess, this is a sex move?

(Episode 5-18)—I'm just going to be real and admit that I don't know what this is.

(Episode 2-7)—How...cultural?

(Episode 4-5)—I like this hat as much as I like actual scanners.

(Episode 2-1)—Perhaps a great way to get free money from unsuspecting strangers, but who knows where they'll insert it.

(Episode 2-2)—That's the spirit.

(Episode 2-7)—Does he have a problem with someone or does he enjoy cow products? Does he have a problem with cow products?

(Episode 2-7)—If he doesn't have a hat that says "Left Boot" I just don't know what to do with myself.

(Episode 4-17)—Sounds serious.

(Episode 3-9)—Much better than phases 1 and 2.

(Episode 6-5)—He is pretty twisted.

(Episode 7-3)—Perhaps he forgot how to spell?

(Episode 5-17)—Too techy for my liking.

(Episode 5-16)—Not something you'd want to advertise on a hat, I would think?

(Episode 6-10)—Frank very well could be a cryptid.

(Episode 5-1)—iPhone ear buds! Volleyball nets in storage! A python with a sick mind!

(Episode 3-14)—Don't get excited. It's not physics, it's a Ping-Pong serve.

(Episode 5-8)—Man, this guy loves Ping-Pong.

(Episode 3-13)—He clearly has expensive taste.

(Episode 3-11)—Jkgkljw vkja aklj awkjg ak aolnva aoweotu?

(Episode 4-6)—Somehow I'm not convinced.

(Episode 3-6)—He specializes in human digestion sounds, I bet.

(Episode 3-6)—Ironic only because there's no way Frank plays golf, not because the Bronx doesn't have a golf course.

(Episode 2-8)—Mystifying wrestling jargon has no better place than on hats.

(Episode 4-1)—Long pips refer to the style of Ping-Pong paddle some players use to get more topspin, but doesn't it sound like a venereal disease?

(Episode 4-17)—Film school mumbo jumbo, I'm assuming.

(Episode 4-15)—Sounds low.

(Episode 2-8)—This is what Harvard students wear at graduation I heard.

(Episode 2-7)—Happens to the best of us. Don't fret, Frankie.

(Episode 6-16)—Thank you for the fair warning.

(Episode 7-8)—Thank you for the fairer warning.

(Episode 2-11)—Or what? TELL ME.

(Episode 3-17)—It's like he's naked.

(Episode 4-11)—For all of life's mistakes.

(Episode 4-12)—Heavy.

(Episode 7-1)—It's a delicacy, just like Frank.

(Episode 4-12)—Subway. Busway. Frank's way.

(Episode 4-8)—I still feel like I was too young to see IT.

(Episode 4-10)—Setting means everything with this one.

(Episode 3-17)—I like to imagine all he's talking about here is that moment while playing video games where you have to stand up, walk over to the console, and put in a new game.

(Episode 3-15)—Oh?

(Episode 3-20)—OH.

(Episode 4-10)—Potty? Or bra?

(Episode 1-2)—Strong. Commanding. Confident. Am I talking about Frank or his hat? Honestly, you should know the answer to this.

(Episode 3-12)—Thank you for the warning, I will not bring up my recent breakup around you.

(Episode 3-19)—Who says Frank's not in touch with his feminine side?

(Episode 3-16)—Man, remember laser discs? They were like the love child of a vinyl record and and CD. Kitschy but lovable, not unlike Frank.

(Episode 1-8)—Beech, as in the tree? Beech, as in a purposeful misspelling of "beach"? Beech, as in a vaguely racist pronunciation of "bitch"? You're a mystery, Mr. Rossitano.

(Episode 1-4)—Big shoes to fill.

(Episode 7-4)—Those are the eyes of a man who's done some fully legal things.

(Episode 4-15)—He's a man of commitment, you can see it on his face (or, you know, read it on his hat).

(Episode 7-11)—Can't tell if this is genius or lazy.

(Episode 4-18)—Ditto.

(Episode 1-21)—Sigh-fi.

(Episode 5-15)—Manly.

(Episode 2-7)—There better be a gay bar with this name.

(Episode 5-11)—I believe you can get me through the night.

(Episode 4-20)—Let me guess: chicken thighs and breasts? Human thighs and breasts???

(Episode 5-4)—Broke college kids, take note.

(Episode 7-12)—Seriously, this guy understands capitalism.

(Episode 5-12)—Seems a bit redundant.

(Episode 6-15)— :(

(Episode 1-1)—The first time we lay eyes on this lovable meatball of a man he's wearing this hat. Was he really a ninja expert? Anything was possible back then.

(Episode 6-18)—A dressing that's gone bad or a wayward farm?

(Episode 5-13)—Barf.

(Episode 3-2)—If people who were (")abducted(") were required to wear this hat, it would make choosing a seat on the subway much easier.

(Episode 7-4)—Again, a very practical hat.

(Episode 5-12)—There's a game I could actually win.

(Episode 3-4)—Clearly.

(Episode 3-7)—A sequel to the Wayans brothers' 2004 comedy White Chicks where the girls become prostitutes, I assume.

(Episode 6-16)—More like BUTTler school, am I right?

(Episode 4-2)—You can find me wearing this hat every time there's an empty sleeve of Oreos in the garbage.

(Episode 5-23)—Very Yoda-esque sentence construction. I'll allow it.

(Episode 5-17)—Only Frank could make something so tasty sound so...coagulated.

(Episode 1-18)—Is there any other kind of ravioli? There shouldn't be.