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    The Best Ways To Eat A Potato, Ranked

    THIS IS NOT A DISCUSSION.

    20. Raw potatoes

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    WHAT DO I LOOK LIKE, A GROUND MAMMAL?

    19. Boiled potatoes

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    THAT PARSLEY ISN'T FOOLING ANYONE. THOSE ARE WET TESTICLES.

    18. Potato salad

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    OH YOU MEAN POTATO HUNKS SUSPENDED IN A MAYONNAISE SOUP?

    17. Scalloped potatoes

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    IF I WANTED SOMETHING THAT LOOKED LIKE A MOLLUSK I'D LIVE IN THE OCEAN.

    16. Potatoes au gratin

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    NO COMPRENDE.

    15. Sweet potato pie

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    I THOUGHT YOU WERE PUMPKIN AND NOW I AM SAD.

    14. Hasselback potatoes

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    LISTEN, THEY LOOK AWESOME BUT I MADE THEM ON TUESDAY AND THEY TOOK OVER AN HOUR TO COOK AND TASTED LIKE — YOU'RE NEVER GONNA GUESS BUT — A FRICKIN' POTATO.

    13. Potato chips

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    NOTHING ENRAGES ME MORE THAN ORDERING A BURGER AND BEING HANDED THESE THIN SCABS OF STARCH.

    12. Baked potato

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    ANYTHING THAT ENCOURAGES ME TO EAT A SPOONFUL OF SOUR CREAM IS COOL WITH ME.

    11. Potato soup

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    YEAH BABY INJECT THAT THICK POTATO CREAM STRAIGHT INTO MY VEINS.

    10. Home fries

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    THEY ARE THE BRICKS THAT PAVE THE ROAD TO FLAVORTOWN.

    9. Latkes

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    SLATHER SOME APPLE SAUCE ON THERE AND CALL ME DADDY.

    8. Tater tots

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    THEY LOOK LIKE TURDS AND YET I CRAVE THEM WITH THE PASSION OF A THOUSAND FIERY SUNS.

    7. Potato skins

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    BASICALLY A CANOE FOR CHEESE TO SAIL DIRECTLY INTO MY MOUTH.

    6. Roasted potatoes

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    I'M A SUCKER FOR CLASSIC HOME COOKING AND A ROSEMARY GARNISH.

    5. Waffle fries

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    ARGUABLY EVEN BETTER THAN REGULAR WAFFLES.

    4. Hash browns

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    IF YOU TRIED TO SLAP ME ACROSS THE FACE WITH THIS YOU COULDN'T BECAUSE I'D EAT IT IN ONE BITE.

    3. Curly fries

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    IF I HAD THREE WISHES I'D WISH TO BE SMALL ENOUGH TO SLIDE DOWN A CURLY FRY LIKE A PLAYGROUND SLIDE AND THEN I'D WISH TO BE BIG AGAIN AND THEN I'D WISH TO EAT MORE CURLY FRIES.

    2. Mashed potatoes

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    A FLUFFY POTATO CLOUD I GET TO PUT INSIDE MY BODY. ISN'T BEING ALIVE THE BEST?

    1. French fries

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    PORTABLE, CRISPY, POTATO-Y PERFECTION. THE GREATEST FOOD THERE EVER WAS AND EVER WILL BE. WE ARE SO LUCKY.