We recently asked members of the BuzzFeed Community to share with us their worst pee horror stories. Here are the hilariously embarrassing results.
When I was young, I used to dance ballet. I had a performance where I went center stage and all the other girls had to crawl through my legs. I peed on every single one of them, yet they kept on crawling through. I danced offstage acting like nothing happened at all, but the home video shows otherwise.
Peeing is my number one reason why I hate being a female. Yup. I said it. Especially when you're pissy drunk (pun intended) and you really need to use the bathroom and there's an endless amount of girls in line. Well, one party, I had had enough and I walked into the men's bathroom. That's no biggie, right, except for some reason I didn't use the stall. I screamed "everybody turn around" and I popped a squat over the urinal and did my thang. I've never been in a bathroom so silent.
When I was in kindergarten we had art class in the art room. On this particular day we were drawing pictures of each other dressed in funny clothes or whatever. I was excitedly chosen by the art teacher to be the subject, so I donned overalls, a large hat, and rubber boots and climbed on top of the platform for my classmates to draw me. Somewhere in the middle of all that it hit me. The teacher, not knowing how serious it was, asked me to wait until the class was finished. Unable to hold it, I peed all down the overalls until the big rubber boots filled up. Mortified, I ran to the school nurse. Kid logic being what it is and knowing I was NOT going to wear a stranger's underwear, I changed all but my knickers, telling the nurse, "Those didn't get wet." Right … worst part was when i came back to class everyone had drawn little pee puddles in their pictures :(
When I was 10, I used to sleepwalk all the time. One night I woke up and headed to the kitchen, opened up the dishwasher, pulled down my pants and took a squat to go pee, and then went straight back to bed. My sister was mortified because she witnessed the whole thing.
My first time ever in a spray tanning booth — pretty much as soon as I started getting sprayed by the machine, I peed all down my legs. Not only was I super concerned about anyone coming in after me, but also my legs turned out way tan with white streaks running down them from my crotch.
So there I was: Ft. Benning, GA. I had just arrived at One Station Unit Training to become a U.S. Army Infantryman. Was I excited? Yes. Was I nervous? Yes. Was I a 23-year-old man who had NEVER wet the bed? You betcha. Well, it turns out when you go to basic training, you don't get off the bus and start getting yelled at and doing push-ups. No, you go through about one or two weeks of in-processing where you are just sitting quietly in lines or on the floor, all while being forced to drink mass amounts of water from your camelback. I think they were trying to build a good habit. Anyway, these were really long days with zero physical activity and a whole lot of water. I was mentally exhausted. So on night three when I had a dream I was in the bathroom standing at the urinal, my body thought I was actually at a urinal. I wake up at 3AM knowing no one can ever find out about this. So I pull off all my sheets and blankets and stay up the rest of the night doing laundry just to avoid the stigma of being the guy who wet the bed in the first three days of boot camp. This is the first time I've told anyone, haha.
When I was ten I was playing Simon Says with my best friend and my brother. My brother said, "Simon says pee your pants," and I was laughing because it was a silly thing and I ended up pissing my pants. Go figure, but at least I won.
At the end of my pregnancy with my first child, I started having morning sickness again. One morning I woke up and, being hugely pregnant, I needed to pee. As soon as I got to the bathroom I realized I was also on the verge of throwing up. Suddenly there was no choice, I had to puke. I bent over to throw up; the force of the puke and the fullness of my bladder caused me to pee all over the floor. My husband came in to check on me and upon hearing what had happened grabbed a newspaper, rolled it up, and threatened to swat my nose for peeing on the floor.
During my junior year of high school, I was on a school bus on the way to a marching band competition. I had also been sick with a cold that morning so all I had was a whole lot of apple juice. Needless to say the urge to pee hit me hard and it got to the point of extremely painful cramps. Not knowing any other option besides peeing my pants, I obtained a water bottle and cut the top off. Under my blanket I began to relieve myself but the water bottle was not even close to being big enough. Panicked, I pulled the water bottle from under the blanket (it was sloshing everywhere) and threw the contents out of the school bus' window. Well, on a school bus going full speed on the highway, the pee I had just thrown out came right back and splashed all over my friend's and my face. That's right I golden showered myself via school bus.
When I was in the 5th grade I pissed myself at a Fat Boys concert. I was with my older brother and his friends and he wouldn't take me to the bathroom. We had to leave the concert early and he made me ride in the back of his station wagon.
My freshman year of college, I had a big crush on a junior. One night, he walked me home from his party. We were right outside of the entrance to my dorm when he finally made his move. We were making out, and it was glorious. So glorious, in fact, that even though I really had to pee, I didn't want to stop. Then it got to the point that I needed to stop, but didn't know how to break it up. It wasn't until I was actively peeing my pants and kissing at the same time that I was able to say good night and end it. By some miracle (a miracle I call shots), he didn't even see that I had been slowly peeing myself for at least 45 seconds. I unlocked the door and got inside with soaking jeans and a smile on my face. I totally got away with it.
When I was younger — my sister and I were shopping with my mom at Macy's. We were so bored because my mom was taking forever. So, my sister and I found a pair of huge pants and decided it would be hilarious if we both got into one pant leg. We went into the dressing room and each wiggled into one leg, then zipped. We were giggling, but oh gawd, once I looked it the mirror — I lost it. We looked SO funny. I was laughing so hard that I just couldn't control it. I peed. I peed all over myself, the jeans, the floor — and best of all, my sister's feet. It was awesome because she was trying to run away but she couldn't cause she was stuck in the pants with me. After my laughing/pee fit was over we peeled the jeans off, hid them in a pile of clothes, and made a run for it.
I was at a friend's house with a bunch of friends from high school at the end of one summer before we all went our separate ways to college. Most people were in the hot tub, but a couple people and I were in the pool. I commented that I had to pee, but that I didn't want to get out of the pool and dry off to go to the bathroom, so I was just going to hold it. My friend looks at me and says, "Just pee in the pool." I told her that I wasn't going to do that because if someone swims by, it's really obvious that you've peed in the pool (you know, because it's warm). So she says, "Then go pee in the hot tub. No one will know the difference." I just laughed it off, assuming she was joking. It was at this point that she decided to prove herself. She got out of the pool, went over to the hot tub, got in, and started making casual conversation with everyone. But I knew what she was doing. I knew. About 30 seconds later, she gets out of the hot tub and comes back over to the pool, smirking the whole time. The best part was that as soon as she got up, one of the girls in the hot tub moved and sat directly in the spot where my friend had peed. None of the people who were in that hot tub have any idea to this day.
I was in 4th grade and my teacher wouldn't let me go to bathroom during "storytime" so I got up and went to our classroom sink and just pissed on the floor. I then started crying and all my classmates ran over to ask what was wrong. I told them that I spilled "water" from the sink all over the floor and they all immediately began getting papers towels to clean up the mess. I never told them the truth. Even to this day.
For some strange reason, I never realized that the "cakes" in port-o-potties were for the urinals. This is embarrassing, but I used to think they were an odd form of soap or sanitizer. So at events where there was only a portable outhouse to pee in, I would "wash" my hands with the urinal cake. SO GROSS!!!!!!!! I only ended up finding out what I was doing when I told my friends about the soap in the outhouse. Let's just say I found out the hard way that I was washing my hands with PEE!! GROSS!
I was at my therapist's office, sitting in an upholstered chair. I really had to go to the bathroom, but my therapist was talking about something, so I decided to hold it. When it was time to go, I stood up and realized that there was a wet spot on the chair. I walked out of the office without making eye contact. When I went to my next appointment, I noticed that there was a new chair replacing the one that had been there before.
Back in college my best friend and I were pregaming at a friend's house before going barhopping. We got drunk very quickly and both went into the bathroom together. She went pee first and we were talking and all of a sudden she yells out, "Oh my god, I forgot to take my underwear off!" We died laughing and after a few minutes I went to use the toilet next. In my drunken haze, I too forgot to take my underwear off. The horrible part is that we don't think we took our pee-soaked underwear off before going barhopping.
Just last weekend, we were over at a friend's house. We all have kids, and they were in the basement, happily playing, grown-ups upstairs chit-chatting. Then, our friend's son comes up and says, "Dan (name changed) went pee-pee!" We figured, okay, he's 5, he had an accident, no big deal. We'll get him a change of clothes and be done. We went downstairs and… his pants were dry. Huh? "He peed over there!" (points to corner of basement) WUT?! Yes, our son had to go, so instead of searching and/or asking for the bathroom, he simply went over to the wall, dropped trou, and let loose. Many paper towels and 1/4 bottle of Resolve later, we profusely apologized to our hosts. They were accepting, and laughed it off. Buuut, I'm not sure we'll get an invite back anytime soon.
I met my best friend while studying abroad in London and I can still remember the exact moment she earned the "best" title. We had been street-drinking pink wine all afternoon to celebrate the royal wedding when she inevitably had to use the bathroom. "I'm sure that bar would let you use theirs," I said, nodding towards a place not 20 feet away. "Ugh, I'm too tired. I'll just go here," she said, rising from the curb. She hiked up her skirt, sat on a bench, and seconds later a steady stream of piss was pouring between the slats. I was laughing, amazed and horrified at her bravery, when she had a moment of instant sobriety. "WHAT AM I DOING?!" she yelled. The pee stream shut off like a faucet and she ran to the bar, barefoot and blushing. I was still laughing when she came back minutes later.