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28 Onion Headlines That Basically Sum Up Your Life

The Onion truly is America's finest news source.

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1. When you already know what you're ordering at a restaurant:

2. When you can't find plans on a Friday night:

3. When you don't have much going for you:

4. When you're just trying to pass a class so you can graduate, get a job, and die peacefully:

5. When you hang out with the same people too much:

6. When you've committed to the "fake it 'till you make it" philosophy:

7. When you're feeling a teensy bit insecure about yourself:

8. When you just want what's best for your loved ones:

9. When technology takes over your life:

10. When it feels like the world is moving forward without you:

11. When drunk you is more ambitious than sober you:

12. When every social gathering is a recipe for disaster:

13. When reality is too boring to bear:

14. When you're in your first serious relationship:

15. When staying alive feels like a full time job:

16. When peer pressure never ends:

17. When you slowly realize that friend you've had since high school is kind of an asshole now:

18. When there's no place like home:

19. When the holidays feel like a fate worse than death:

20. When you lie in bed at night thinking about embarrassing things you did decades ago:

21. When schadenfreude becomes a team sport:

22. When every new person you meet ends up being the absolute worst person alive:

23. When any level of human contact feels inappropriately intimate:

24. When your dating prospects are drier than the Sahara desert:

25. When social interactions are harder than algebra:

26. When you finally find yourself:

27. When you take what few breaks you can get:

28. When you have no idea what you're doing:

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