31 Niles Crane Quotes To Live Your Life By

    Niles gotta have it!

    Erin Chack
    by Erin Chack

    BuzzFeed Staff

    1. Live with a healthy dose of fear:

    CBS Television Distribution

    NILES: Last night, I dreamt my flour sack was abducted and the kidnappers started sending me muffins in the mail.

    2. Don't be afraid to call people out:

    CBS Television Distribution

    FRASIER: Niles, I would shave my head for you.

    NILES: A gesture which becomes less significant with each passing year.

    3. Experiment! Re-invent yourself!

    CBS Television Distribution

    NILES: I'm especially looking forward to something called the "munchies" stage. I'm thinking of pairing this Chilean sea bass with an aggressive zinfandel.

    4. Love boldly:

    CBS Television Distribution

    NILES: It's my dog, my new best friend.

    5. Allow yourself to feel the weight of things:

    CBS Television Distribution

    NILES: Can I get a straw please?

    CAFE WORKER: Oh, sorry, sir, that was the last one.

    NILES: The last straw.

    6. Be your own secret weapon:

    CBS Television Distribution

    NILES: My Taekwondo instructor tells me I'm just two moves away from becoming quite threatening.

    7. Know that education is a lifelong commitment:

    CBS Television Distribution

    FRASIER: I'm sorry, Niles. I was afraid you were trying to get a picture of my butt.

    NILES: How exciting to be present at the birth of a new phobia.

    8. Dream big:

    CBS Television Distribution

    NILES: All my life I have dreamed of one thing: the day I could go into a library and go to the card catalog and see my name under "mental illness."

    9. Stay true to yourself:

    CBS Television Distribution

    NILES: You know I don't lift.

    10. Be accomodating:

    CBS Television Distribution

    NILES: Maris never held hands. She had a slight webbing — made her self-conscious.

    11. Have diverse hobbies:

    CBS Television Distribution

    FRASIER: What are your plans?

    NILES: Well, I thought I'd sit alone in my cavernous apartment while rocking back and forth while hugging my knees.

    12. Always be friendly:

    CBS Television Distribution

    NILES: If she realizes we've recognized her, she'll be utterly humiliated. OH, ROZ!

    13. Stay mindful:

    CBS Television Distribution

    NILES: Hey, Frasier, am I dressed appropriately for something called Bananarama?

    14. Take care of the ones you love:

    CBS Television Distribution

    NILES: The city streets play havoc with her delicate little feet, so I have to go home and pumice her paw pads.

    15. Never miss an opportunity:

    CBS Television Distribution

    FRASIER: Oh, Niles, guess what thriving Seattle night spot is closing its doors.

    NILES: Roz, you're moving?

    16. People are counting on you, be reliable!

    CBS Television Distribution

    NILES: I had my "fear of abandonment" workshop today and I've already been a no-show twice.

    17. Live life to the fullest:

    CBS Television Distribution

    NILES: "5:07..." This one's hard to read. Oh! Right. "Wept uncontrollably."

    18. Stay on your toes:

    CBS Television Distribution

    LILITH: Niles, sorry to hear your marriage ended in shambles.

    NILES: Ditto.

    19. Send strong signals:

    CBS Television Distribution

    NILES: That woman is flirting with me. This is my "I'm available" face.

    20. Live by a strict moral code:

    CBS Television Distribution

    NILES: You touched me. Now we have to get married.

    21. Let the little things go:

    CBS Television Distribution

    NILES: God, that was 20 years ago. Nope, still can't laugh about it.

    22. Stay on brand:

    CBS Television Distribution

    NILES: I have to watch the Super Bowl?

    23. Wreak havoc:

    CBS Television Distribution

    NILES: We're not in trouble. We are trouble.

    24. Face your fears:

    CBS Television Distribution

    LILITH: Well, it's about an attraction that I thought was over and now I'm beginning to think maybe it's not.

    NILES: Usually in my dreams this is where I try to run and can't.

    25. Be relatable:

    CBS Television Distribution

    NILES: Think of something comforting from childhood: a stuffed animal, a dog-eared copy of Middlemarch.

    26. Allow a little drama into your life:

    CBS Television Distribution

    NILES: Now I just want to die! *Dies*

    27. Make it count:

    CBS Television Distribution

    NILES: Oh, shut up, Frasier! THE ONLY THING MORE HOLLOW THAN YOUR PROTEST OF INNOCENCE IS YOUR BIG FAT HEAD.

    28. Keep good company:

    CBS Television Distribution

    ROZ: Do you see that obnoxious old lecher?

    NILES: Well, you're going to have to be a lot more specific.

    29. Stay one step ahead:

    CBS Television Distribution

    NILES: Oh, really? I don't have that [night] marked.

    FRASIER: Because I'm taking a date.

    NILES: Isn't that nice? "The 11th expect desperate last-minute call..."

    30. Reflect:

    CBS Television Distribution

    NILES: You've given me something to mull over during my herbal wrap.

    31. And always, always, always open yourself up to new experiences:

    CBS Television Distribution

    NILES: Ooh, should we attempt a high five?