1. The Destiny’s Child:
1st: Beyoncé
2nd: Kelly
3rd: Michelle
Michael Phelps has 18 gold medals, but how many Beyoncés does he have? Exactly.
2. Fast food menu items:
1st: burger
2nd: chicken sandwich
3rd: fish sandwich
Well we have to do something with all those leftover fish sandwiches no one is ordering.
3. The trio from Harry Potter:
1st: Harry
2nd: Hermione
3rd: Ron
Look how bummed that dude is that he got Ron place.
4. Neapolitan ice cream:
1st: chocolate
2nd: vanilla
3rd: strawberry
Now when they do that corny medal-bite thing they’ll at least get a tasty treat.
5. The Kardashian sisters:
1st: Kim
2nd: Khloe
3rd: Kourtney
In a way, they’re all bronze.
6. Lord of the Rings movies:
1st: The Return of the King
2nd: The Fellowship of the Ring
3rd: The Two Towers
These are not presented chronologically but by how many times you can watch them in a row before getting bored. Don’t fight me on this, I spent my entire middle school career testing and confirming this order.
7. The modern Charlie’s Angels:
1st: Alex
2nd: Dylan
3rd: Natalie
Are you a winner or a Liu-ser? Trick question. You’re both.
8. M&M flavors:
1st: plain
2nd: peanut
3rd: pretzel
Who even eats pretzel M&Ms? The same guy who’d place third in a Olympic competition, that’s who.
9. The Sanderson sisters from Hocus Pocus:
1st: Winifred
2nd: Mary
3rd: Sarah
“Bette Midler is gold!” — a fictitious movie review AND the new reality we will all live in.
10. Fries:
1st: waffle
2nd: curly
3rd: standard
People would throw down for waffle fries. Records would break for ‘em. A new level of human being would be achieved.
11. ’90s era Lawrence brothers:
1st: Joey
2nd: Matthew
3rd: Andrew
This one ranked by hair, obvi.
12. Pizza:
1st: extra extra cheese
2nd: extra cheese
3rd: cheese
Really everyone’s a winner here. Isn’t that what the Olympics is all about?
- It's time: Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump will face off tonight at 9 p.m. ET in the first of three US presidential debates.
- Inside the final days of the FARC, Colombia's 50-year-old rebel group, which is on the verge of signing a peace treaty with the government.
- Golf legend Arnold Palmer has died at 87. Known as "The King," his unusual style and charisma changed the game.
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