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More Accurate Olympic Medal Rankings

Because gold, silver, and bronze is sooo 776 BC.

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1. The Destiny's Child:

BuzzFeed / Erin Chack / Via Getty / Al Bello & Getty / George De Sota

1st: Beyoncé

2nd: Kelly

3rd: Michelle

Michael Phelps has 18 gold medals, but how many Beyoncés does he have? Exactly.

2. Fast food menu items:

BuzzFeed / Erin Chack / Via Getty / Mike Ehrmann

1st: burger

2nd: chicken sandwich

3rd: fish sandwich

Well we have to do something with all those leftover fish sandwiches no one is ordering.


4. Neapolitan ice cream:

BuzzFeed / Erin Chack / Via Getty / Ryan Pierse

1st: chocolate

2nd: vanilla

3rd: strawberry

Now when they do that corny medal-bite thing they'll at least get a tasty treat.

6. Lord of the Rings movies:

BuzzFeed / Erin Chack / Via Getty / Richard Heathcote

1st: The Return of the King

2nd: The Fellowship of the Ring

3rd: The Two Towers

These are not presented chronologically but by how many times you can watch them in a row before getting bored. Don't fight me on this, I spent my entire middle school career testing and confirming this order.


8. M&M flavors:

BuzzFeed / Erin Chack / Via Getty / Streeter Lecka

1st: plain

2nd: peanut

3rd: pretzel

Who even eats pretzel M&Ms? The same guy who'd place third in a Olympic competition, that's who.

9. The Sanderson sisters from Hocus Pocus:

BuzzFeed / Erin Chack / Via Getty / Lars Baron

1st: Winifred

2nd: Mary

3rd: Sarah

"Bette Midler is gold!" — a fictitious movie review AND the new reality we will all live in.

10. Fries:

BuzzFeed / Erin Chack / Via Getty / Pascal Le Segretain

1st: waffle

2nd: curly

3rd: standard

People would throw down for waffle fries. Records would break for 'em. A new level of human being would be achieved.

12. Pizza:

BuzzFeed / Erin Chack / Via Getty / Pascal Le Segretain

1st: extra extra cheese

2nd: extra cheese

3rd: cheese

Really everyone's a winner here. Isn't that what the Olympics is all about?


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