back to top

Here Are 33 Silly Tweets Because You've Earned 'Em, Friend

[Rihanna voice] This is what you came for.

Posted on

1.

wife: I just got stung by a jellyfish. quick, pee on it me: [peeing on jellyfish] this is for stinging my wife

2.

Advertisement

3.

Not to be dramatic but I think about this Britney spears wall every single day

4.

A dude at work knocked out a load bearing wall to make a mancave in his basement and his whole house fell in on its… https://t.co/8ZlhJvl238

5.

I put these on and tried to walk away, but I stumbled

6.

this NYT comment and the three people who recommended it are giving me life this morning

7.

Advertisement

8.

9.

If I pay $40 for a haunted house I better die

11.

Bad news: I accidentally washed a nice wool shirt that I really loved and it shrunk a LOT Good news:

12.

Dutch duolingo is NOT fucking around

Advertisement

13.

baby: c-c- mom: his first word! baby: c-c-c baby: c-cut my life into pieces this is my last resort suffocation no b… https://t.co/SKD8jj2CpN

14.

Can you find, beste friender than dog? No.

15.

When you're in an Uber Pool and the second passenger opens the door

16.

be grateful to be alive during this golden age of finagling

17.

I don't understand people who do things on weekends. You just did things all week. What's next, more things?? That's how they get you

Advertisement

18.

YALL IM FUCKING SCREAMING AT THIS VIDEO OMFG

19.

20.

the word doritos, with the diminutive suffix "-ito," implies the existence of larger chip. i intend to find this mythic ur-chip, this "Doro"

21.

22.

Advertisement

23.

[nodding my head to the beat] kinda catchy isn't it [doctor taking stethoscope off my chest] it shouldn't be

24.

when you only have one good selfie angle

25.

Twitter the only place where well articulated sentences still get misinterpreted. You can say “I like pancakes” a… https://t.co/SAvDppKiAj

26.

Must be a real bad week in this town for both of them to be there

27.

doctor: [handing me my new born baby] I'm sorry but your wife didn't make it me: [handing baby back to him] bring me the one my wife made

28.

Billy Joel playing harmonica kind of looks like a dying Darth Vader.

29.

when you're just trying to enjoy the fall but existential dread keeps creeping in

30.

my name is mop i am not dog pls dip me in the soapy sog i wish to clean ur messy floor i am not dog i'm mop for su… https://t.co/3S9JNNOBXa

31.

Me running away from Michael Myers on Halloween.

32.

ZOO GUIDE: Careful, the llamas spit ME: Haha ok LLAMA: Step off son don't cry to mama, skeet skeet your new daddy's a llama ME: Holy shit

33.

i’m just trying to look at my phone bill and Jessica thinks i’m gassing her up

Promoted

Every. Tasty. Video. EVER. The new Tasty app is here!

Dismiss