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How Metal Is Your Period?

Being a woman is hardcore. Period.

Posted on
Warner Bros.
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    had your period?
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    used a pad?
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    used a tampon?
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    used a menstrual cup?
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    needed to use two pads?
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    needed to use a pad and a tampon?
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    needed to use a pad and a menstrual cup?
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    needed to use two tampons?
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    tried to put in a tampon only to discover you forgot to take the old one out?
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    left a tampon in for over a day?
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    left a tampon in for over a week?
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    left a tampon in for over a month?
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    (Do you still have last month's tampon inside you right now?)
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    required outside attention (medical or otherwise) to remove a stuck tampon?
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    required outside attention (medical or otherwise) to remove a stuck menstrual cup?
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    DIYed a pad or tampon out of household materials because you ran out?
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    challenged yourself to make dwindling supplies last an entire period instead of buying a new box?
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    used a "super" tampon on a light day and had to yank the dry cotton from your body?
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    used a light tampon on a heavy day and bled right through that sucker?
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    bled through a pad?
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    designated pairs of underwear as "period underwear" to anticipate inevitable leakage?
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    bled through your underwear?
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    bled through your underwear and pants?
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    bled through your underwear, pants, and onto a chair?
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    bled through your underwear and pants until it dripped down your leg and into your socks?
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    gotten period blood on another human being?
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    stained your pubes with period blood?
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    gotten period blood stuck under your nails?
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    woken up in a pool of your own blood?
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    bled so much in the shower that it looked like that scene in "Psycho"?
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    accidentally left a trail of blood drips around your home not unlike the kids in "Hansel and Gretel"?
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    related to that girl in "Mean Girls" who said, "It's not my fault I have a heavy flow and wide-set vagina"?
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    stood up after sitting for a while while on your period, causing a waterfall of blood?
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    sneezed while on your period, causing a waterfall of blood?
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    had a period that lasted longer than a week?
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    had a period that lasted longer than two weeks?
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    had a period that lasted longer than a month?
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    had a period that lasted longer than a year?
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    had the bright red, watery period?
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    had the black sludge period?
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    had the brown smear period?
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    had the deep red, thick period?
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    discharged stringy, pulpy, or clotted blood and thought, "Is my uterus actually leaving my body?"
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    bled so much you thought, "I am actually dying this time"?
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    thought your period had stopped, only to have it pop up again and ruin your life?
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    sworn you started your period, but when you went to the bathroom nothing was there?
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    sworn you started your period but purposely avoided going to the bathroom because you didn't want to admit Hell Week was starting?
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    had spotting between periods and cursed your existence?
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    started your period early and cursed everyone's existence?
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    been late on your period?
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    been late by a week on your period?
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    skipped a period entirely?
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    skipped multiple periods entirely?
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    panicked that you might be pregnant because of a late period?
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    panicked that you might be pregnant because of a late period even though it was physically impossible for you to be pregnant?
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    taken an over-the-counter pregnancy test?
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    taken a blood test to determine if you were pregnant?
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    had cramps?
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    had cramps so bad you didn't attend a social event?
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    had cramps so bad you called out of work/school?
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    had cramps so bad you called out of work/school for a week?
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    had cramps so bad you had to be hospitalized?
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    had cramps so bad you vomited?
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    had cramps that started a week before your period?
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    experienced the period migraine?
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    had cramps that extended into your thighs?
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    had sharp, throbbing pain in your pubic bone or vulva?
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    been so bloated you couldn't fit into jeans?
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    been so tired from your period you slept for longer than 10 hours?
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    had intense back pain due to your period?
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    had painful, heavy, swollen breasts?
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    been diagnosed with PMDD?
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    been diagnosed with endometriosis?
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    exercised to alleviate period pain?
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    taken the "period poop" and felt immense relief after?
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    had "period diarrhea" and felt immense relief after?
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    partially "give birth" to a tampon while pooping?
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    sat over a toilet to let some blood drain out of you in an effort to alleviate cramps?
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    peed on your period and turned the toilet water a beautiful sunset orange?
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    accidentally dropped a menstrual cup in the toilet and had to fish it back out?
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    accidentally dropped an unused tampon in the toilet and sacrificed it to the toilet gods?
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    cried uncontrollably on your period?
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    cried uncontrollably because of your period?
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    raged uncontrollably on your period?
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    raged uncontrollably because of your period?
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    felt uncontrollably sensitive, frustrated, or despondent on your period?
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    felt uncontrollably horny on your period?
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    felt angry because you were horny while on your period and couldn't do anything about it?
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    said "fuck it" and masturbated anyway?
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    said "fuck it" and had sex anyway?
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    had shower sex to avoid staining things while on your period?
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    designated a towel or sheet to have sex on while on your period?
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    given a blow job because your vagina was "out of commission" during your period?
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    had anal sex because your vagina was "out of commission" during your period?
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    been eaten out while on your period?
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    manipulated oral contraceptives so you could have sex?
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    used homeopathic remedies to delay your period so you could have sex?
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    had someone else insert a tampon for you?
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    inserted a tampon for someone else?
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    tasted your own period blood?
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    collected period blood so you could use it for a practical joke?
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    used your period blood to cast magical spells on your enemies?
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    decorated your face with period blood and danced around summoning demons?
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    baptized someone with your period blood?
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    craved chocolate with such intensity you thought to yourself, "I am a walking parody of a woman?"

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