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    I Love Ellen But She Terrifies Me

    Happy birthday, you freaking maniac.

    Ellen DeGeneres is a human ray of sunshine. You can't not love this woman.

    But she has a dark side. And I'm literally terrified of it.

    Remember when Ellen scared the shit out of Eric Stonestreet?

    And then laughed at him cowering in fear like this?

    Remember when she shoved Alison Sweeney into a Jenga tower?

    Remember how little remorse she felt over it?

    This wasn't a playful shove! Alison Sweeney ate some serious shit!

    Remember when she made Taylor Swift collapse IN FEAR?

    I'm pretty sure Taylor Swift died that day.

    Remember when she made her producer Andy Lassner get a flu shot live on air?

    Other people's misfortune is the most fun she's ever had.

    Remember when she scared Justin Bieber so badly he had to spontaneously lay down?

    And Ellen was like "lol."

    Remember when she edited this innocent Matt Lauer-Vince Vaughn interview to make it look extra creepy?

    I will never look at Matt Lauer the same way.

    Remember when she made Adele EAT GRASS?


    I THINK I'VE MADE MY POINT. Happy birthday, Ellen! You're the number one reason I hope I never become famous.