1.
my dog made a huge mess and then had the audacity to just sit and chill while i cleaned it up i mean LOOK AT HIS LITTLE ARM https://t.co/T8dJxxEYac
2.
3.
I put a pita in the toaster oven and my boss was like “what’s that? Smells kinda ethnic” it’s bread James
4.
I turned in my paper to my professor last night and this morning I realized I forgot to change the title...hows your day going? https://t.co/FnornTF00n
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6.
Instead of publishing any more “Why I’m Leaving New York” essays, people can simply tweet the number or letter of the subway line that broke them.
7.
working on an essay and have a quick question: how do you put the right words in the correct order so that it is good, rather than bad
8.
This is it, the most beautiful image to ever exist. All images must now cease.
9.
Stephen King: what if there was an *evil* clown Mary Shelley: what if a corpse came to life Edgar Allan Poe: oh no a bird!!!
10.
“I’ll DM you,” I said. You sit patiently, expecting a private message at any moment. There’s a knock at your door. It’s me, dressed in a surprisingly well made wizard robe, arms full of books and dice. “Roll for initiative.” I utter.
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me: oh hey venom venom: what’s up bitch me: venom stooop venom: 😛 bitch me: uUHHH
13.
I'm amazed by people who lose weight w exercise. When I exercise nothing happens bc my DNA still thinks I'm a European peasant. So it's like "Oh! Are we running from the English again, lass? Dinnae ye worry: we'll keep ye plump as a partridge to outlast the murderous bastards!"
14.
birds at 6am on my off days:
15.
stop pretending like it's at ALL hard to use to "they/them" pronouns when we've all agreed to call Brendon Urie "Panic! at the Disco" even though we know it's just him
16.
“So what is it like to own a Shiba?”
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18.
someone just tried to do “this is more of a comment than a question” in this library panel and a librarian immediately told them NOPE, this is QUESTIONS ONLY and i am thrilled to death
19.
I’ve have yet to finish watering my plants 💀
20.
so my school installed a cry closet in the library LMFAOOOOOOOOO what is higher education
21.
On today’s episode of men pay 0 attention to me lmfao
22.
he really tried to end it all smh
23.
soooo, I no longer feel like a crazy person for losing random socks...
24.
Not a fan of the new Harry Potter book
25.
if anyone wants to know how drunk my boyfriend was last night
26.
Shazam but for whether someone is mad at you
