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For Everyone Who Thinks The Original "It" Is Too Scary To Be Topped

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Last week, the trailer for the 2017 remake of It hit the internet, and everyone went bananas.

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"The new Pennywise is so scary!" they cried. "A murder-y clown, oh no!" they whimpered.

True.

But.

The thing is...

*whispers* I'm still completely fucked up from the original.

giphy.com / Via Warner Bros. Television

This movie RUINED MY LIFE.

giphy.com / Via Warner Bros. Television

Tbh I don't think I even finished it (BECAUSE IT'S OVER THREE HOURS LONG) and yet afterwards I still couldn't do the following things:

giphy.com / Via Warner Bros. Television

1. Take a shower without keeping my eyes open the entire time.

2. Enter a bathroom without immediately checking behind the curtain.

3. Sleep in a fully dark room.

4. Go into the basement at night.

5. Be alone in the gym locker room.

6. Live, basically.

I watched this movie at the exact wrong age, and I was not only convinced this clown would murder me, I was 100% SURE THIS CLOWN WOULD MURDER ME.

giphy.com / Via Warner Bros. Television

If you've never seen the movie (or read the book), it's about a shape-shifting demon that surfaces from the sewers every 30-ish years to prey on children in a small town JUST LIKE MY TOWN.

giphy.com / Via Warner Bros. Television

It usually takes the shape of a sardonic clown named Pennywise, since young children are easily lured with things like balloons and promises of carnivals.

giphy.com / Via Warner Bros. Television

But the children never get to go to any carnivals because It EATS THEIR FUCKING FACES OFF INSTEAD.

giphy.com / Via Warner Bros. Television

And the worst part (to my little 10-year-old brain) was that adults can't see It, so you could be screaming "THERE'S A MURDER CLOWN AND HE'S GONNA EAT MY FUCKING FACE OFF" and your mom would just be like, "Hunny, don't curse."

neogaf.com / Via Warner Bros. Television

I hate you, Pennywise. I hate when you popped up in the storm drain.

giphy.com / Via Warner Bros. Television

I hate when you scurried up this lamp post.

giphy.com / Via Warner Bros. Television

I hate when you pointed at me with your shitty murder gloves.

giphy.com / Via Warner Bros. Television

I hate when you tortured sweet John Ritter with a conversational balloon.

giphy.com / Via Warner Bros. Television

I ESPECIALLY HATE WHATEVER THE HECK THIS IS.

giphy.com / Via Warner Bros. Television

And I hate, hate, hate when you said this because I really, honestly believed it, you fucking asshole nightmare clown from HELL OR WORSE.

giphy.com / Via Warner Bros. Television

So enjoy the remake. I'm sure it'll be very scary. But it will never, EVER fuck me up as bad as the original did.

giphy.com / Via Warner Bros. Television
  1. Did the original "It" fuck you up?

    Correct
    Incorrect
    YES FUCK THAT FUCKING CLOWN.
    Correct
    Incorrect
    No, it's pretty corny and the new one looks scarier, tbh.
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Did the original "It" fuck you up?
  1.  
    vote votes
    YES FUCK THAT FUCKING CLOWN.
  2.  
    vote votes
    No, it's pretty corny and the new one looks scarier, tbh.
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