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    23 Tweets Guaranteed To Make You Laugh At Least Once

    If even one makes you chuckle, I've done my job.

    1.

    Some guy just honked at me to leave my parking space faster, so now I'll just have to sit here until both of us are dead.

    2.

    [me passing literally any dog] wow there it is,, the world's best dog

    3.

    4.

    Don't date guys from the internet. The last guy said he lived in a gated community. Prison, he meant prison.

    5.

    [plant facts!!] bananas are technically berries almonds are seeds avocados are mammals most cucumbers are haunted potatoes aren't even real

    6.

    Wow, Leslie Knope's origin story is UNREAL

    7.

    You might think leaves are just "falling" from trees, but the trees are actually throwing them at us because humans are garbage.

    8.

    I thought I was a good person until my daughter asked me, "Would you step on a dog for 8 million dollars?"

    9.

    10.

    Gandalf: this is my fight song Boromir: not again Gandalf: Gandalf the White song

    11.

    Avocado: not ripe Avocado: not ripe Avocado: not ripe Avocado: I'M RIPE NOW Avocado: okay you were in the bathroom so I rotted

    12.

    this man is so sprung, ain't nothing in the world she could say that could be that funny.

    13.

    SIRI: Turn left in 100 feet ME: [drives past turn] SIRI: [exhales loudly in exasperation]

    14.

    If I could have dinner with anybody living or dead I'd pick the dead guy. Then I'd order two dinners and eat both. Fuck that guy. He's dead

    15.

    So I'm being a chef on snapchat & this happens 🙄

    16.

    Pickin my dad up from Dadcare me: come on dad dad: no I want to play w the other dads me: Im in a hurry all dads: HI IN A HURRY me: damn it

    17.

    I've always felt like cantaloupe and watermelon are boyfriend and girlfriend. if u disagree w this statement I hope u fall down a well

    18.

    Stop what you're doing and look at this dog.

    19.

    I call my vagina "New Yorker cartoon" because it's dry and a handful of people have laughed at it

    20.

    21.

    If you encounter a bear DON'T RUN. Maintain eye contact. Keep maintaining it. Fall in love. Marry the bear. Tell story to your grandbearbies

    22.

    if this cat told me to murder someone I would

    23.

    Yes, I am dead, and it's great! https://t.co/GRypzHjxKT

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