Check off all the things that apply to you: You've already thought about how to celebrate your 30th birthday, even if it's months away. Check You've already thought about how to celebrate your 30th birthday, even if it's months away. You're simultaneously calm and a little freaked out about turning 30. Check You're simultaneously calm and a little freaked out about turning 30. You've said the words "30's the new 25!" Check You've said the words "30's the new 25!" You've referred to yourself as a twentysomething just to feel alive. Check You've referred to yourself as a twentysomething just to feel alive. But when you see a 21-year-old you're like, Wow. I am no longer that. Check But when you see a 21-year-old you're like, Wow. I am no longer that. You feel an urgency to get stuff done this year, as if 30 is some kind of deadline. Check You feel an urgency to get stuff done this year, as if 30 is some kind of deadline. You've called your parents about setting up a 401k. Check You've called your parents about setting up a 401k. You "get" taxes. Check You "get" taxes. Sometimes you browse homes on Zillow, just to dream. Check Sometimes you browse homes on Zillow, just to dream. Some of your friends act like they're 40. Some of your friends act like they're 18. Check Some of your friends act like they're 40. Some of your friends act like they're 18. When you tell someone your age, you can tell they're trying to figure out if you're "twenty nine" or TWENTY NINE. Check When you tell someone your age, you can tell they're trying to figure out if you're "twenty nine" or TWENTY NINE. You own a house plant. Check You own a house plant. Looking at pictures of you in college make you feel like Time Has Passed. Check Looking at pictures of you in college make you feel like Time Has Passed. You've rationalized spending more money on clothes because they're "investment pieces." Check You've rationalized spending more money on clothes because they're "investment pieces." You kiiinda understand what a mutual fund is. Check You kiiinda understand what a mutual fund is. You have a five year plan. Check You have a five year plan. But sometimes you eat an entire box of mac and cheese for dinner. Check But sometimes you eat an entire box of mac and cheese for dinner. You're not sure if you're where you're supposed to be in your career. Check You're not sure if you're where you're supposed to be in your career. You can't believe you ever fought with your mom. Check You can't believe you ever fought with your mom. You! Love! Skin care!!! Check You! Love! Skin care!!! Especially sun screen! Check Especially sun screen! You've asked your doctor about prenatal vitamins, even if you don't plan on having kids. Check You've asked your doctor about prenatal vitamins, even if you don't plan on having kids. You've been on a contraception journey. Check You've been on a contraception journey. The fact that Janis Joplin, Kurt Cobain, and Jimi Hendrix were all younger than you thoroughly freaks you out. Check The fact that Janis Joplin, Kurt Cobain, and Jimi Hendrix were all younger than you thoroughly freaks you out. You've taken a fashion risk™ that's paid off. Check You've taken a fashion risk™ that's paid off. You've taken a fashion risk™ that you'd prefer to forget. Check You've taken a fashion risk™ that you'd prefer to forget. Grey hairs! They're real! Check Grey hairs! They're real! Wrinkles! They're also real! Check Wrinkles! They're also real! There are younger celebrities you straight up don't recognize. Check There are younger celebrities you straight up don't recognize. What is TikTok??? Check What is TikTok??? You're nostalgic for a time before the internet. Check You're nostalgic for a time before the internet. Sometimes you see a public figure who seems more mature than you but then you find out they're your exact age and it ruins your entire day. Check Sometimes you see a public figure who seems more mature than you but then you find out they're your exact age and it ruins your entire day. You can cook at least one good meal without looking at a recipe. Check You can cook at least one good meal without looking at a recipe. Bars are too loud. Check Bars are too loud. There are places in your neighborhood you don't go to anymore because That Thing Happened There. Check There are places in your neighborhood you don't go to anymore because That Thing Happened There. You've been to a lottt of weddings. Like, a lot. Check You've been to a lottt of weddings. Like, a lot. And bachelor/ette parties! Check And bachelor/ette parties! And engagement parties! Check And engagement parties! And bridal showers! Check And bridal showers! And it's sometimes hard to afford all of that! Check And it's sometimes hard to afford all of that! Cleaning your entire home brings a sense of calm you never knew possible. Check Cleaning your entire home brings a sense of calm you never knew possible. You often wonder if you have the right amount of friends. Check You often wonder if you have the right amount of friends. You have a favorite mug. Check You have a favorite mug. You also have a favorite grocery store. Check You also have a favorite grocery store. You know how to write a check. Check You know how to write a check. You have a bedtime. Check You have a bedtime. You look forward to drinking coffee or beer like it's a daily holiday. Check You look forward to drinking coffee or beer like it's a daily holiday. You know everything's going to be fine. IT'S GOING TO BE FINE. Check You know everything's going to be fine. IT'S GOING TO BE FINE. Oh, you were born 29 years ago. Check Oh, you were born 29 years ago. Show me my results!
