1. "I have a lot to do." -I'm gonna go watch Netflix for about seven hours.
2. "I am extremely active on campus." -I went to one club meeting once for the free food.
3. "I wouldn't want to have a SO in college, now is the time to be single!" -I want a boyfriend.
4. "How does the professor feel about laptops for taking notes?" -Can I Facebook for those two hours?
5. "How much of my grade is this worth?" -How much of it can I afford to not do?
6. "I want a kitchen so I can save money by cooking." -I want to impress people while continuing to only eat microwave ramen.
7. "Is there a curve?" -Will I pass?
8. "I can't believe I did so bad, I studied for days!" -I watched Netflix in the library.
9. "Where are you right now?" -Can I bring this guy home to hook up with before you're back?
10. "Is the final cumulative?" -Can I forget everything when I go to Mexico for Spring Break?
11. "I would never pay for the meal plan." -I bought the meal plan because cooking is effort.
12. "I want to go abroad to expand my cultural awareness." -I want to get drunk legally.
13. "I can't afford these textbooks." -I have booze to purchase.
14. "I hate Greek life." -I'm glad frats have free alcohol.
15. "I can't believe I signed up for an 8 a.m." -I can't believe I trusted future me to wake up for an 8 a.m.
16. "Let's do something classy tonight." -Let's get drunk on wine in our dorm.
17. "I'm going to get a head start on my work." -I'm gonna go take a nap.
18. "I'm on a health kick." -I eat one apple with my pizza and ramen now.
19. "I'm a liberal arts student." -I'll probably be living on my parent's couch after I graduate, but yolo.
20. "College sucks." -I never want it to end.