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How Much Has Riding The NYC Subway Destroyed Your Soul?

It's a scary world down there. Only the strong survive.

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  1. AEMoreira042281 / Creative Commons / Via commons.wikimedia.org
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    Waited for more than 30 minutes for a train to arrive?
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    Delightfully entered a near-empty train car at rush hour, only to be greeted with a smell comparable to the recesses of hell?
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    Seen a rat?
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    Had a rat run over your feet?
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    Seen a rat eat another rat?
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    Had a giant cockroach run over your feet?
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    Had an unruly child run over your feet?
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    Been stuck underground for more than 30 minutes?
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    Been stuck underground for more than 60 minutes?
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    Smelled pee?
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    Stepped in a pee puddle?
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    Smelled poop?
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    Seen someone actually take a poop?
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    Slipped in a pile of human poop?
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    Slipped in a pile of human poop that was your own?
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    Been puked on?
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    Puked in a corner and walked away slowly?
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    Witnessed someone light a cigarette in a train car underground?
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    Witnessed someone light a cigarette in a train car and then spray an entire can of aerosol deodorant and were sure you were about to go up in flames at that very moment?
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    Confronted a pole-hugger?
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    Confronted a pole-hugger only to have the pole-hugger still hug the pole?
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    Confronted a pole-hugger only to have the pole-hugger physically assault you?
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    Been punched or punched someone?
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    Been yelled at or yelled at someone?
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    Been spat on or spit on someone?
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    Walked past someone who may have been dead and not done anything?
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    Walked past someone who may have been dead and gotten angry he was taking up three seats?
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    Been delayed by a "sick passenger" and muttered under your breath, "That asshole better be dead"?
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    Witnessed someone watching porn?
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    Witnessed someone watching porn with their hand down their pants?
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    Witnessed someone masturbate sans porn, while making eye contact with you or another passenger?
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    Been caught watching porn?
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    Had someone make love to you with their eyes while they licked their lips?
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    Been seated next to a couple who wouldn't stop making out?
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    Seen any sexual act performed on a subway car or platform?
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    Seen a penis, vagina, or boob in the flesh on a train car or platform?
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    Taken a series of selfies while riding by yourself?
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    Pushed a child out of the way to get a seat?
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    Pushed an elderly person out of the way to get a seat?
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    Avoided eye contact with a pregnant woman so you didn't have to give up your seat?
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    Actually considered visiting Dr. Zizmor just to say you met him IRL?
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    Made eye contact with someone uncontrollably sobbing?
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    Been followed into another train car by a stranger?
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    Had a stranger stick a finger in your pocket?
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    Had a stranger put their hand on your hand?
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    Been butt-to-butt with a stranger for more than two stops?
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    Felt someone else's back sweat on your back?
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    Felt someone else's butt sweat on your butt?
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    Had someone else's sweat fuse with your sweat and sort of stick together?
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    Given side-eye to tourists who didn't know how to use their "indoor voice" on a morning rush-hour train?
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    Taken a free sandwich from the guy handing out sandwiches even though you weren't homeless or that hungry?
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    Ran into the "It's showtime!" kids more than once in one day?
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    Sighed/muttered under your breath when that same person begging for money comes on the train telling the same story he's been telling for two years?
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    Been pressured into buying a package of peanut M&Ms from a kid even though you weren't even hungry and/or have a peanut allergy?
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    Tried to take the L train on the weekend only to realize it had been replaced by shuttle buses?
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    Tried to take the L train on the weekend only to realize it was not running whatsoever?
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    Tried to take any train on any weekend?
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    Lived off of the G and depended on it as your primary subway line?
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    Had an out-of-control child wipe his filthy little fingers on you or your belongings?
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    Had an out-of-control child scream bloody murder for the entirety of your ride?
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    Looked at someone carrying an adorable non-service dog and thought, "That's illegal, I should report this"?
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    Fallen asleep and missed your stop?
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    Fallen asleep and missed your stop and woken up at the last stop?
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    Fallen asleep and missed your stop and woken up at the last stop, on an elevated platform, and it was the middle of February and snowing and 5 a.m.?
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    Fallen asleep and had your possessions stolen?
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    Been wide awake and had your possessions stolen?
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    Been bruised/knocked over by someone else's bicycle?
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    Tried to read next to someone playing music so loud it was literally impossible?
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    Tried to read next to someone singing so loud it was literally impossible?
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    Farted an intentional silent-but-deadly one in a crowded subway car?
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    Farted an intentional SBD in a subway car with only one other person, who was seated right next to you?
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    Gotten stuck in the closing doors?
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    Not held the closing doors for someone trying to catch the train?
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    Held the doors for someone trying to catch the train and they didn't say thank you and then you wished you hadn't?
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    Sat next to someone eating putrid-smelling food?
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    Sat next to someone who smelled like literal feces?
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    Bought a nutcracker on the train?
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    Bought a nutcracker on the train from a child?
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    Drank said nutcracker on the train by yourself?
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    Had your unlimited MetroCard expire, like, an hour before you got on the train and cursed under your breath?
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    Had "swipe card again at this turnstile" happen roughly 20 times in a row?
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    Tried said card at a different turnstile in frustration, only for "JUST USED" to appear?
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    Hopped the turnstile?
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    Hopped the turnstile and gotten caught?
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    Hopped the turnstile and injured yourself in the process?
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    Used a student MetroCard as an adult?
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    Used a student MetroCard as an adult for, like, a month?
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    Had someone look over your shoulder to read what you were reading?
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    Had someone look over your shoulder to read what you were reading, then you angled the paper/book slightly so they could see less of it?
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    Purposely avoided the train car your co-worker was going into so you wouldn't have to talk to them on the ride home?
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    Said, "Oh, I need to get the [other train that isn't this one that stops here]" to avoid taking the train with someone you didn't want to talk to?
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    Had someone fall asleep on your shoulder?
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    Aggressively pushed away someone who fell asleep on your shoulder?
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    Didn't tell someone they were about to sit in something gross, because you hate talking to strangers/anyone?
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    Taken the train in the wrong direction but only realized it three stops later?
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    Taken the train in the wrong direction and wound up in another borough?
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    Psyched out a person begging for money because you were looking for coins but only had bills?
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    Survived a chapter of your life where you had an hour-plus regular commute (on a good day) to work/school?
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    Searched "Missed Connections" for someone you were 100% positive you had a connection with?
 
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