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    Posted on Mar 5, 2014

    17 Awkward Office-Bathroom Moments, As Told By Haiku

    Because if you look hard enough, you can find poetry in even the most vile situations.


    My boss, is that you?

    I fear I cannot unhear

    your explosive poop

    There is a gap

    between the door and the wall

    You can see me pee

    I see your shoes, friend

    Should I stay and say hello?

    I just heard you fart


    In the turd showdown

    who will be the one to cave

    I will not leave first

    Crunch, crunch, rip, ::lid swings::

    It's clear to everyone here

    that I'm on the rag


    A most jarring thought:

    The serial seat pee-er

    could be my best friend

    The attempt to hold

    in this super loud fart was

    not too successful

    Oh crud, this stall stinks

    Will everyone think it's me?

    I'll exit, head high


    You keep talking, why?

    I am pee shy, still, and we'll

    be here till sundown

    Under the cover

    of darkness I leave my logs

    The poop bandit rides

    I spot seat sprinkles

    Do I risk a UTI

    or change stalls swiftly


    There's only us two

    Don't want you to hear me pee

    but you will not leave

    Hello — our eyes meet

    in the mirror, via door gap

    This is so awkward


    Peeing in peace when —

    "Heeey, I recognize your shoes"

    Are you kidding me

    Do you think it's cool

    Not to wash your dainty mitts?

    I heard no faucet


    There is no TP

    Do I use a seat cover

    or yell for a friend

    Just me and you

    You ran water while I peed,

    My bathroom angel


    With additional haiku help from Katie Notopoulos and Julia Pugachevsky.

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