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17 Awkward Office-Bathroom Moments, As Told By Haiku

Because if you look hard enough, you can find poetry in even the most vile situations.

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My boss, is that you?

I fear I cannot unhear

your explosive poop

There is a gap

between the door and the wall

You can see me pee

I see your shoes, friend

Should I stay and say hello?

I just heard you fart


In the turd showdown

who will be the one to cave

I will not leave first

Crunch, crunch, rip, ::lid swings::

It's clear to everyone here

that I'm on the rag


A most jarring thought:

The serial seat pee-er

could be my best friend

The attempt to hold

in this super loud fart was

not too successful

Oh crud, this stall stinks

Will everyone think it's me?

I'll exit, head high


You keep talking, why?

I am pee shy, still, and we'll

be here till sundown

Under the cover

of darkness I leave my logs

The poop bandit rides

I spot seat sprinkles

Do I risk a UTI

or change stalls swiftly


There's only us two

Don't want you to hear me pee

but you will not leave

Hello — our eyes meet

in the mirror, via door gap

This is so awkward

Peeing in peace when —

"Heeey, I recognize your shoes"

Are you kidding me


Do you think it's cool

Not to wash your dainty mitts?

I heard no faucet

There is no TP

Do I use a seat cover

or yell for a friend

Just me and you

You ran water while I peed,

My bathroom angel

With additional haiku help from Katie Notopoulos and Julia Pugachevsky.