1. The Best
2. Charlize Theron in Dior Haute Couture
Theron came to the Oscars and showed everyone how it’s done. Just killing it.
3. Rachel McAdams in August Getty Atelier
Girrrrlllll. Rachel McAdams came to slay.
4. Cate Blanchett in Armani Privé
This dress should be so wrong for so many reasons. I usually hate the flowers pinned to a dress like butterflies. But somehow, something about the color, the shape, the hair, the jewelry, it all works.
5. Jennifer Garner in Atelier Versace
Ooh, Ben Affleck. I bet the nanny never looked this good.
6. Zuri Hall
Who the hell is this Zuri Hall? Why does she look SO good? And by the way, THIS is the way you do “undone/everyday” red carpet hair.
7. The Also Very Good
8. Lady Gaga in custom Brandon Maxwell
Man, she’s been doing it right– Oh my god, are those pants?? Classy and fashion-forward. Done.
10. Brie Larson in Gucci
A gorgeous number to secure her place in Best Actress history.
11. Sofia Vergara in Marchesa
Another dress that could have gone wrong. Especially with so much going on in the boobs, the well-endowed Vergara could’ve easily looked heavier there than she is, but somehow it really works.
12. The Worst
13. Amy Poehler in Andrew GN
Amy Poehler is a beautiful woman who has worn a number of fantastic red carpet dresses. I don’t know why she ever would have picked this embroidered cross between a couch and a kimono.
14. Margot Robbie
Ugh, this pains me cause I have the biggest crush on Robbie. She’s normally just so gorgeous, but I hope she’ll take the following notes: Tan less. Dye hair more.
Also, do we know if she left early to shed her skin?
15. Charlotte Rampling in Armani Privé
There is absolutely a way to do graceful aging, style-wise in Hollywood. This is not it. In fact, this dress looks like an eight-year-old would wear it to their cousin’s Bat Mitzvah. The lavender round-toe flats aren’t doing it any favors.
17. Daisy Ridley in Chanel Haute Couture
No, girl, no! Baby’s very first Oscars, and Ridley’s managed to wear this dress, which makes her look boobless, short-waisted, and short overall.
18. The Best & The Worst
19. Emily Blunt in Prada
Pregnant Done Wrong. I hate everything about this look from the insipid pink of the dress, to the limp curls. This is the Virgin Mary goes to the Oscars.
20. Chrissy Teigen in Marchesa
Pregnant Done Right. I don’t know about you, but I would wear this dress for everything, pregnant or no. However, can someone teach Teigan about makeup colors other than brown?
21. Reese Witherspoon in Oscar de la Renta
Purple Done Wrong. Too much stuff going on in the boobs and it’s not a flattering fabric. (Also, lay off the bronzer, kid!)
22. Tina Fey in Versace
Purple Done Right. There are no words. But Tina, how can you look this good and let your girl Amy walk out of the house in a carpet?
23. Jennifer Lawrence in Dior Haute Couture
Black Lace Done Wrong. Truth time, I am LONG SINCE over the whole J-Law phenomenon. In fact, I was really never under it. But as far as everyone is concerned she can do no wrong. But she did do wrong here, and it’s called “not wearing a bra.”
24. Charlotte Riley in Gucci
Black Lace Done Right. Tom Hardy’s wife killed it on the red carpet. And normally I might say she has too much boobs for this neckline (i.e. Olivia Wilde or Kirsten Dunst at the Golden Globes), but she manages to make it work. The styling is severely on point as well.
25. Pharrell Williams
Menswear Done Wrong. Dude, fix your bowtie and roll down your pants. And wear a blazer with actual buttons. Also, the blonde was a mistake.
26. Jacob Tremblay
Menswear Done Right. This kid is seriously showing everyone how it’s done.
27. That Which Needed Some Editing
28. Alicia Vikander in custom Louis Vuitton
My jury’s still out on the dress. It’s a little offbeat, but she looks gorgeous. However, all I really want is to fix the lump in the middle of her hair.
29. Heidi Klum in Marchesa
God, just rip off that sleeve, and she would have looked gorgeous instead of overwhelmed!
30. Olivia Munn in Stella McCartney
Okay, first of all, Munn needs to put on like 20 lbs. She’s starting to look like that Kate Moss gag on Family Guy. Secondly, she needs to NEVER wear this color again. It’s such a beautiful dress, but that color, especially with the matchy-matchy makeup, looks dreadful on her.
31. Rooney Mara in Givenchy
Someone point me toward Mara’s stylist so I can smack them? Look, I get that she has a very specific aesthetic going on, but there’s a way to pull off her white goth thing without looking awful. This dress would actually be so close if it didn’t have that bizarre huge cut-out in the middle. (Also, the sleeves are too short. Get her a dress that fits!) And just convince her to do something ever so slightly less severe with her hair. She could totally make it work.
32. Olivia Wilde in Valentino Haute Couture
Look, all I can say about this is Alicia Vikander did it better at the Golden Globes.
33. Kerry Washington in Atelier Versace
This dress is so fierce, but I wish it fit her better in the top. Also, her hair isn’t really working, and the shoes are blatantly a different black than the leather.
34. Priyanka Chopra in Zuhair Murad
This dress looks beautiful on her from the waist down, but that strapless sweetheart neckline just doesn’t work on Chopra. It makes her look like she has linebacker shoulders and has crushed her boobs into this dress. It’s a lesson in how not dressing for your body type can make even the most beautiful of women look wonky.
35. Kelly Ripa in Dennis Basso
Kelly Ripa, don’t make your O face on the red carpet. Nobody wants to see that.
36. Sarah Silverman in custom Zac Posen
I love me some Zac Posen, but for some reason, the way this black dress photographed makes Silverman look like she’s standing behind the middle of that vase/two faces illusion. Not even wearing it, just standing strategically behind it.
37. Saoirse Ronan in custom Calvin Klein
38. Julianne Moore in custom Chanel Haute Couture
39. Jennifer Jason Leigh in custom Marchesa
Three beautiful women, three custom gowns. If we did a bit of a swap, everyone would look better. First of all, who the hell styled 21-year-old Ronan like a 50-year-old? This entire outfit would do much better on 57-year-old Moore, who came in this black number I could almost swear we’ve seen on her before. Ronan would have looked much better in Jason Leigh’s pink Marchesa. And Jason Leigh could have worn Moore’s black dress, although we probably would just throw that one out entirely and found her something new. Maybe in red.
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