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1.A set of mini squishies, because these'll be here for you to help relieve some s-t-r-e-s-s whenever you feel like you can't read one. more. email. They believe in you!
2.A garbage disposal brush that'll save you from sticking your hand down the *eep* land of soggy leftovers by eliminating food waste itself (and getting rid of your disposal's odor).
3.A resistance band workout poster so you can create an at-home routine that leaves you feeling pretty darn accomplished — and ready to kiss your gym membership goodbye.
4.And! A single resistance band with cushioned foam handles for mastering all the above exercises while feeling totally in control.
5.A slim iPhone case to protect your phone (a shattered screen is a shattered heart) while still preventing it from feeling bulky. Everyone who doesn't use a case because they like their phones to stay super thin — you just found your solution.
6.A pop-up straw cap, because this'll put an end to spilling all over yourself every time you try to drink from your water bottle while multitasking.
7.A metal mousepad that'll allow both faster and more accurate movement (particularly useful for gaming). Plus, it has a faux leather bottom to prevent slipping.
8.An eggshell peeler so making hard boiled eggs doesn't involve picking off bits of eggshell little by little until you give up. This lil' guy does it all: crack, peel, and remove stubborn shell.
9.A pack of orchid plant food spikes for anyone brave enough to become an orchid parent. Forget about the alleged ice cube trick — these'll give them the needed nutrition to fully bloom (and you can leave half a spike in for two months!).
10.A pair of velvet sweatpants to live the rest of your days in pure comfort, while still getting all the style credit you deserve. I suppose we can get to work on time now.
11.An infographic guide to personal finance, because you and I both know the only budgeting we currently do is saying no to guac at Chipotle. You don't even do that, do you? Let's learn to be better together.
12.A set of floral file folders that'll help your organization skills *blossom* now that you don't spend half the day wondering where the HECK you left those papers.
13.A set of LED stickers so you can nix irritating electronic lights that keep you up all night. Now you'll be able to enjoy actual darkness — *especially* helpful if the very thing keeping you awake is your alarm clock. Curse it.
14.A clever funnel for letting absolutely no 👏 product 👏 go to waste — you paid for every last drop! And! This makes transferring liquids super easy and mess-free, thanks to its clip-lock features.
15.A set of llama pens to make taking notes in class feel more like a reward than the longest hour of your life. Dare I say, your attitude towards paying attention will *soften*.
16.An outlet cover, because this'll protect your curious little one (it's child-resistant so they can't take it off), but let you use cords as usual. Plus, it blends in with the wall as well as outlets alone, so guests will never notice how extensively you've baby-proofed your entire home.
17.A finger measurer that'll put an end to always guessing your ring size on the spot, just to realize your new jewelry doesn't fit. Great.
18.A pair of fashionable dog goggles so your fur child can stick their head out the window (or really do any outdoor activity) without irritating their eyes. I also hear this'll make them the coolest kid at the dog park.
19.A pack of spiral bobby pins for creating a *truly* effortless messy bun without needing approximately one million clips and several prayers before getting The Look.
20.A cute lunch bag to always pack a protein-packed meal (important!!!) so you can keep your energy up all day, instead of crashing after a measly granola bar from the vending machine.
21.An S-shaped hook, because this'll keep your kitchen towel from constantly falling on the floor. Or! It can help you air-dry laundry while traveling, hold a towel for you at the gym, organize your shower, make strollers more hands-free, and really anything else you can think of.
22.A cord organizer that'll keep your charger free from constant tangling. I do believe you just got hours of your life back.
23.A leopard-print top so you can pair this with just about any outfit (it acts like a neutral) without ever getting in a fashion rut.
24.A mini whiteboard you can double as a pen holder for writing important reminders right where you can't forget about them. It's hard to overlook memos when they're with your favorite pen.
25.A vegetable brush so you can clean tough veggies like potatoes or carrots quickly and efficiently — the faster we can get cooking, the faster we can EAT.
26.A pack of moldable glue for bonding your frayed phone or laptop charger so you don't have to waste money on a new one. Think of all the burritos you could have had, instead of constantly buying new chargers. Never again.
27.A magnetic stud finder to know exactly where you can hang up shelving, pictures, or even a pull-up bar without having to pay for someone to help.
28.A scrap collector you can attach right to the edge of your sink or counter, because this'll make cleaning up after yourself totally thoughtless. Is that what people mean by ~responsible~ habits?
29.A pack of cable clips that'll keep your car nice and organized, even when you're charging your phone, using the AUX cord, and who knows what else.
30.A set of rustproof shower curtain rings so you can open and close your shower curtain without snagging or friction — these are about to become your favorite thing in your bathroom, even if they're the least noticeable to everyone else.
31.A kitchen conversion chart magnet for finally making sense of recipes. It's ok to admit you have no idea what 480 ml looks like — I'm only just learning this minute that means two cups.
32.A drain cover to get your bubble bath right up to the tippy-top. Sorry pruny fingers, we live here now.
33.A wedge doorstop with a built-in security alarm, because this'll help you feel extra safe in your apartment without having to spend a small fortune.
34.A mountable cat toy that'll groom your cat *as* they play with it. I'm not sure who'll be happier with this — you now that your home isn't covered in fur, or your lil' feline.
Me thinking about dogs in goggles for the rest of the day: