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21 Things You'll Absolutely Love If You Have A Dirty, Dirty Mind

Nothing to see here! Just me and my cock cookbook.

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2. An, um, stretchable mushroom if you're looking for a fungi.

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7. A sexy sloth putting their flexibility to good use.

amazon.com

Promising Review: "Best purchase I've made this year. Shower time is never dull in the mornings with this sexy and seductive stripper sloth. We dance, wash, and sing together. I've named him Monica. He's a hot mess, and I love to make it rain erry day." —Jesse Drew

Get it on Amazon for $29.99.

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8. A bright taillight because getting hit by a car is a real ball buster.

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Promising Review: "Not only do they crack me up, but they really are HIGHLY visible at night. I've had nothing but compliments from all who have seen them!" —Hillmesa

Get it on Amazon for $6.97.

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12. All-knowing soap and hand sanitizer because we live in a shared environment, and don't need to eat tarnished fruit.

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Promising Review: "I work at a church, and bought this as a gift for the pastor. He keeps it in the guest bathroom of the parsonage — everyone loves it! Soap smells nice, too." —Angela C. Chastain

Get the hand sanitizer on Firebox for $9.09 and the hand soap and sanitizer on Amazon for $11.55 and $6.57.

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16. A sensual cookbook for a tender night of chicken-loving.

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Promising Review: "This book is not only funny as hell, but the recipes are great, too. Also according to my girlfriend, she says the writing is a lot better than Fifty Shades of Grey. I am a professional cook, and these recipes are great." —Doughbizzle

Get it on Amazon for $2.99+ (available in Kindle and hardcover).

17. An eye-opening book in case your puss was getting bored of the usual activities.

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Promising Review: "I think this should be awarded 10 stars. One of the funniest books ever. Well thought-out, and would have been very funny without all the art work, but you can tell they spent the time to make this epic." —David A. Roy

Get it on Amazon for $9.43.

18. An unbelievably sexy pillowcase that shouldn't be in your bed if you're trying to sleep tonight.

amazon.com

Promising Review: "I feel so protected knowing that Nicholas is in bed with me. This pillowcase is the first thing I see when I've awaken, and the last thing I see before I close my eyes for my deep slumber. The pure sexiness of this man's picture on your pillow will inspire you. Are you having relationship issues, family fights, or a crippling mental illness? Nicholas can ease the pain. Before I got my custom Nicholas Cage pillowcase, I had trouble sleeping — my insomnia took control of my life. I can tell you that when this product was shipped to me, put on my lil' pillow, and used for sleep, that it was the best slumber in my entire life. He cradles my head so softly. I used to be afraid of the dark. Not anymore. I am restful. I am relaxed. I am reborn." —Karadactyl26

Get it on Amazon for $5.35.

19. A ballsy stress-reliever so you can really release all that pent-up energy.

amazon.com

Promising Review: "It warms you up a little every time you whack it or smack it. Like a recharge to your spirit. You can use the foam balls to toss at the target of your frustrations, or just beat it against the table. I use mine offensively. I grab it violently and jerk it around while I squish it. All the men in the room pucker." —Inspector 13

Get it on Amazon for $14.95.

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20. A healthy dose of cock to really end the night right.

amazon.com

A cock a day keeps the doctor away.

Promising Review: "You don't have to love eating cock to buy this book. Maybe you had it once, and didn't like it. Surely you can find one of the 49 remaining methods that is more to your liking, no? Or maybe you've loved cock your whole life, and are looking for new ways to enjoy it — in which case a book of 50 different techniques is bound to have something new inside. Honestly a great book for the entire range of cock-gobblers." —Seth A. Ratner

Get it on Amazon for $13.46.

21. A relaxing way to tea bag your evening. I'm getting fired.

amazon.com

Promising Review: "Got this as a gag gift for my mom, and she thought it was the funniest thing. She drinks a lot of tea, and is looking forward to buying more loose leaf now that she has this. The look on her face was priceless when she asked me, 'Why do these look like balls?' I was actually impressed with how well the lid stays attached." —Terra Cotta

Get it on Amazon for $12.95 (available in three colors).