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21 Things You'll Absolutely Love If You Have A Dirty, Dirty Mind

Nothing to see here! Just me and my cock cookbook.

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We hope you love the products we recommend! Just so you know, BuzzFeed may collect a share of sales from the links on this page.
BuzzFeed

We hope you love the products we recommend! Just so you know, BuzzFeed may collect a share of sales from the links on this page.

1. A "pot of gold" cookie cutter if you're trying to get lucky.

Get it on Amazon for $14.79.
amazon.com

Get it on Amazon for $14.79.

2. An, um, stretchable mushroom if you're looking for a fungi.

firebox.com

Get it on Firebox for $9.09 or Amazon for $12.29.

3. An impressively large sea creature to satisfy your oceanic curiosities.

Get it from The Naughty Valentine on Etsy for $6.
etsy.com

Get it from The Naughty Valentine on Etsy for $6.

4. A party-pooping book that really needs to mind its own business.

Promising Review: "The title of this book was very deceptive. I found each image to be uniquely arousing." —Angela CardosoGet it on Amazon $7.99+ (available in Kindle, paperback, and spiral-bound).
amazon.com

Promising Review: "The title of this book was very deceptive. I found each image to be uniquely arousing." —Angela Cardoso

Get it on Amazon $7.99+ (available in Kindle, paperback, and spiral-bound).

5. A mug for people who just really love to eat a juicy slice of pie.

Get it on Amazon for $13.99.
amazon.com

Get it on Amazon for $13.99.

6. A Georgia O'Keeffe print with what is obviously the inside of a flower. How dare you?

Get it on Art.com for $8.99.
art.com

Get it on Art.com for $8.99.

7. A sexy sloth putting their flexibility to good use.

Promising Review: "Best purchase I've made this year. Shower time is never dull in the mornings with this sexy and seductive stripper sloth. We dance, wash, and sing together. I've named him Monica. He's a hot mess, and I love to make it rain erry day." —Jesse DrewGet it on Amazon for $29.99.
amazon.com

Promising Review: "Best purchase I've made this year. Shower time is never dull in the mornings with this sexy and seductive stripper sloth. We dance, wash, and sing together. I've named him Monica. He's a hot mess, and I love to make it rain erry day." —Jesse Drew

Get it on Amazon for $29.99.

8. A bright taillight because getting hit by a car is a real ball buster.

Promising Review: "Not only do they crack me up, but they really are HIGHLY visible at night. I've had nothing but compliments from all who have seen them!" —HillmesaGet it on Amazon for $6.97.
amazon.com

Promising Review: "Not only do they crack me up, but they really are HIGHLY visible at night. I've had nothing but compliments from all who have seen them!" —Hillmesa

Get it on Amazon for $6.97.

9. Some symbols of love as a way to spice up your kitchenware.

Get it on Amazon for $6.99.
amazon.com

Get it on Amazon for $6.99.

10. A perfectly innocent game with totally appropriate images.

Get it on Firebox for $10.39 or Amazon for $9.93.
firebox.com

Get it on Firebox for $10.39 or Amazon for $9.93.

11. Some tasty dessert for someone whose appetite is hard to satisfy.

Promising Review: "I have been a spotted dick fan for years, and have had other varieties. I found this brand of spotted dick very tasty." —Letty GingellGet it on Amazon for $9.42.
amazon.com

Promising Review: "I have been a spotted dick fan for years, and have had other varieties. I found this brand of spotted dick very tasty." —Letty Gingell

Get it on Amazon for $9.42.

12. All-knowing soap and hand sanitizer because we live in a shared environment, and don't need to eat tarnished fruit.

Promising Review: "I work at a church, and bought this as a gift for the pastor. He keeps it in the guest bathroom of the parsonage — everyone loves it! Soap smells nice, too." —Angela C. ChastainGet the hand sanitizer on Firebox for $9.09 and the hand soap and sanitizer on Amazon for $11.55 and $6.57.
firebox.com

Promising Review: "I work at a church, and bought this as a gift for the pastor. He keeps it in the guest bathroom of the parsonage — everyone loves it! Soap smells nice, too." —Angela C. Chastain

Get the hand sanitizer on Firebox for $9.09 and the hand soap and sanitizer on Amazon for $11.55 and $6.57.

13. An overly excited bottle opener who's more than happy to de-cap your bottle.

Promising Review: "Opens a bottle with his wee wee, what more can I say." —Jesus E.Get it on Amazon for $5.96.
amazon.com

Promising Review: "Opens a bottle with his wee wee, what more can I say." —Jesus E.

Get it on Amazon for $5.96.

14. A useful guide to unleashing your creativity and making mom proud.

Get it on Firebox for $15.59 or Amazon for $11.38.
firebox.com

Get it on Firebox for $15.59 or Amazon for $11.38.

15. A pair of golden balls to squeeze for good luck whenever you hit the road.

Promising Review: "If you want metal nuts to hold your keys — this is the product for you." —djjafoGet it on Amazon for $7.99.
amazon.com

Promising Review: "If you want metal nuts to hold your keys — this is the product for you." —djjafo

Get it on Amazon for $7.99.

16. A sensual cookbook for a tender night of chicken-loving.

Promising Review: "This book is not only funny as hell, but the recipes are great, too. Also according to my girlfriend, she says the writing is a lot better than Fifty Shades of Grey. I am a professional cook, and these recipes are great." —DoughbizzleGet it on Amazon for $2.99+ (available in Kindle and hardcover).
amazon.com

Promising Review: "This book is not only funny as hell, but the recipes are great, too. Also according to my girlfriend, she says the writing is a lot better than Fifty Shades of Grey. I am a professional cook, and these recipes are great." —Doughbizzle

Get it on Amazon for $2.99+ (available in Kindle and hardcover).

17. An eye-opening book in case your puss was getting bored of the usual activities.

Promising Review: "I think this should be awarded 10 stars. One of the funniest books ever. Well thought-out, and would have been very funny without all the art work, but you can tell they spent the time to make this epic." —David A. RoyGet it on Amazon for $9.43.
amazon.com

Promising Review: "I think this should be awarded 10 stars. One of the funniest books ever. Well thought-out, and would have been very funny without all the art work, but you can tell they spent the time to make this epic." —David A. Roy

Get it on Amazon for $9.43.

18. An unbelievably sexy pillowcase that shouldn't be in your bed if you're trying to sleep tonight.

Promising Review: "I feel so protected knowing that Nicholas is in bed with me. This pillowcase is the first thing I see when I've awaken, and the last thing I see before I close my eyes for my deep slumber. The pure sexiness of this man's picture on your pillow will inspire you. Are you having relationship issues, family fights, or a crippling mental illness? Nicholas can ease the pain. Before I got my custom Nicholas Cage pillowcase, I had trouble sleeping — my insomnia took control of my life. I can tell you that when this product was shipped to me, put on my lil' pillow, and used for sleep, that it was the best slumber in my entire life. He cradles my head so softly. I used to be afraid of the dark. Not anymore. I am restful. I am relaxed. I am reborn." —Karadactyl26Get it on Amazon for $5.35.
amazon.com

Promising Review: "I feel so protected knowing that Nicholas is in bed with me. This pillowcase is the first thing I see when I've awaken, and the last thing I see before I close my eyes for my deep slumber. The pure sexiness of this man's picture on your pillow will inspire you. Are you having relationship issues, family fights, or a crippling mental illness? Nicholas can ease the pain. Before I got my custom Nicholas Cage pillowcase, I had trouble sleeping — my insomnia took control of my life. I can tell you that when this product was shipped to me, put on my lil' pillow, and used for sleep, that it was the best slumber in my entire life. He cradles my head so softly. I used to be afraid of the dark. Not anymore. I am restful. I am relaxed. I am reborn." —Karadactyl26

Get it on Amazon for $5.35.

19. A ballsy stress-reliever so you can really release all that pent-up energy.

Promising Review: "It warms you up a little every time you whack it or smack it. Like a recharge to your spirit. You can use the foam balls to toss at the target of your frustrations, or just beat it against the table. I use mine offensively. I grab it violently and jerk it around while I squish it. All the men in the room pucker." —Inspector 13Get it on Amazon for $14.95.
amazon.com

Promising Review: "It warms you up a little every time you whack it or smack it. Like a recharge to your spirit. You can use the foam balls to toss at the target of your frustrations, or just beat it against the table. I use mine offensively. I grab it violently and jerk it around while I squish it. All the men in the room pucker." —Inspector 13

Get it on Amazon for $14.95.

20. A healthy dose of cock to really end the night right.

A cock a day keeps the doctor away. Promising Review: "You don't have to love eating cock to buy this book. Maybe you had it once, and didn't like it. Surely you can find one of the 49 remaining methods that is more to your liking, no? Or maybe you've loved cock your whole life, and are looking for new ways to enjoy it — in which case a book of 50 different techniques is bound to have something new inside. Honestly a great book for the entire range of cock-gobblers." —Seth A. RatnerGet it on Amazon for $13.46.
amazon.com

A cock a day keeps the doctor away.

Promising Review: "You don't have to love eating cock to buy this book. Maybe you had it once, and didn't like it. Surely you can find one of the 49 remaining methods that is more to your liking, no? Or maybe you've loved cock your whole life, and are looking for new ways to enjoy it — in which case a book of 50 different techniques is bound to have something new inside. Honestly a great book for the entire range of cock-gobblers." —Seth A. Ratner

Get it on Amazon for $13.46.

21. A relaxing way to tea bag your evening. I'm getting fired.

Promising Review: "Got this as a gag gift for my mom, and she thought it was the funniest thing. She drinks a lot of tea, and is looking forward to buying more loose leaf now that she has this. The look on her face was priceless when she asked me, 'Why do these look like balls?' I was actually impressed with how well the lid stays attached." —Terra CottaGet it on Amazon for $12.95 (available in three colors).
amazon.com

Promising Review: "Got this as a gag gift for my mom, and she thought it was the funniest thing. She drinks a lot of tea, and is looking forward to buying more loose leaf now that she has this. The look on her face was priceless when she asked me, 'Why do these look like balls?' I was actually impressed with how well the lid stays attached." —Terra Cotta

Get it on Amazon for $12.95 (available in three colors).

Now, please go to church.

Deedle-Dee Productions

The reviews for this post have been edited for length and clarity.

The best things at three price points