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    29 Things Anyone Who's Fluent In Sarcasm Needs To Own

    "Wow I love it", they say genuinely. I...think?

    We hope you love the products we recommend! All of them were independently selected by our editors. Just so you know, BuzzFeed may collect a share of sales or other compensation from the links on this page if you decide to shop from them. Oh, and FYI — prices are accurate and items in stock as of time of publication.

    1. A canvas shoulder bag so they can tote around their happy-go-lucky feelings everywhere they go. Such a little ray of sunshine, they are.

    etsy.com

    Promising review: "They have really good customer service and the bag is exactly as described!" —miriamboegli15

    Get it from Nerd Geek Clothing on Etsy for $10.86.

    2. A pair of honest shirts for you and your bestie that'll let you respond in harmony the next time someone asks for your fries.

    iconicduo.com

    Get them from Iconic Duo: first for $24 and second for $24 (available in sizes S-L).

    3. A set of prescription shot glasses for taking a shot at their ever-so-charming humor. Yes, you hate being with us, we get it. Hardy har har.

    amazon.com

    These pups hold three ounces of liquor, I mean, liquid.

    Promising review: "These were a Father's Day gift for dad to add to his collection for the bar. We gave them to him early and he laughed his butt off. They are funny and nice quality. They really look like a prescription bottle only with a comedic label. It's a definite for anyone looking for a party gag favorite or gift. It's good quality and so funny." —C. sayers

    Get a three-pack from Amazon for $10.99.

    4. An inspirational art print, because this is *absolutely* their taste in decor. They'll look up at this every day and immediately be filled with inner peace.

    amazon.com

    Get it from DPI Expressions on Amazon Handmade for $7.95 or a similar style from Walmart for $9.99.

    5. A mocking SpongeBob sticker so they have backup the next time someone dares to try to correct them about something. What are they expecting? A THANK YOU?! Get out.

    redbubble.com

    Promising review: "This is excellent quality, as Redbubble stickers always are. I can't think of anything that could be improved." —Natalie

    Get it from Luke Paccione on Red Bubble for $2.47+ (available in sizes S-L).

    6. A roll of middle finger washi tape, because they'll want to spruce up their paperwork a bit before handing it back to their awesome coworker. LOVE when you give me YOUR work, keep at it buddy!

    etsy.com

    Get it from Julie Ann Art on Etsy for $4.50.

    7. A dictionary of sarcasm that'll be the *definition* of the perfect gift. Maybe they'll be so grateful that they won't even have a witty remark. But probably not.

    amazon.com

    Yep, that's right: this book is just chock full of responses that can only be described as a sarcastic person's dream. Now. they'll have a reply for everything! Great.

    Promising review: "This is one of the wittiest and laugh-out-loud books I've read in a long time. If you need it for some good putdowns or just to browse and have a good laugh, this is the book. I've given it as gifts in the past and will continue to buy one each time I'm stuck for a clever gift. It's always appreciated and a welcome good time." —TomD

    Get it from Amazon for $12.70.

    8. A satin bomber jacket for turning their ~back~ on empty apologies. They really did mean what they said, sorry. No wait, NOT sorry.

    valfre.com

    Get it from Valfre for $33 (originally $125; available in sizes S-XL).

    9. A pocket I.Q. test so they have a new way to just "check" if people are using their brains. Or are they just giving their minds a rest?

    anrdoezrs.net

    Get it from World Market Cost Plus for $9.99.

    10. A lucky charm pin, because at first glance it looks like a genuine message. But it's on a black cat...so...thank you? Maybe? Hm...

    amazon.com

    Promising review: "This has to be one of my favorite pins I own. It is so damn cute. I get most of my pins from Etsy so this was a nice surprise, since it costs about $45 less than what I usually pay, plus I got free shipping." —Heather

    Get it from Amazon for $9.20.

    11. A set of T-shirts that'll match both their moods, whether they want to deliver a snarky "you're welcome" (you know the tone) or a flat-out "no thank you".

    iconicduo.com

    Get them from Iconic Duo: first for $24 and second for $24 (available in sizes S-XL).

    12. A yoga mat for anyone who's inflexible when it comes to genuinely wholesome activities. Who's going to tell them they could actually use some meditation? Not you.

    click.linksynergy.com

    Get it from Amazon or ModCloth for $32.

    13. A truthful coloring book so they can ~fill in the blanks~ about why they're so affronted by everything sparkly and cheerful. Apparently, it must be stopped.

    amazon.com

    Promising review: "This coloring book confirmed what I already suspected: unicorns are dirtbags. Unicorns aren't magical, they're full of mystical hubris. Regardless, I love this sarcastic adult coloring book for exposing these poser animals for what they are. This is perfect for a gift. The pictures are really funny and the lines are generally broad enough that you can color them with crayons instead of colored pencils." —BeaArthur

    Get it from Amazon for $7.99.

    14. A cheerful doormat, because they just always have the *sunniest* disposition, and they ALWAYS want visitors! The more the merrier.

    click.linksynergy.com

    Get it from ModCloth for $32.

    15. A customizable lightbox with 109 letters, numbers, and symbols that'll be very happily received if given with the phrase "live, laugh, love." That's definitely their favorite saying.

    amazon.com

    Get it from Amazon for $14.95.

    16. A denim laundry hamper great for the messier friend who now has good reason to keep their clothes in a pile. They just cherish their dirty socks too much to part with them, even momentarily.

    anrdoezrs.net

    Plus, it's super practical! It's made of thick durable denim with a waterproof interior so it'll last as long as your friend's humor — forever.

    Get it from Apollo Box for $16.98+ (available in sizes S and L).

    17. An optimistic paper pad so they can stay afloat when too much work comes their way. Could they just suck it up? Yes. Will they make 1,000 comments first? Of course.

    amazon.com

    Promising review: "These were a perfect representation of how things are going at work for me and my friend. She framed one and placed in on her desk for all to see. This is a high-quality note set." —sassy lashes

    Get it from Amazon for $8.99.

    18. An illume-scented candle that'll definitely not remind them of every over-enthusiastic frat boy. Ok, they'll absolutely read this in the most mocking voice ever.

    anrdoezrs.net

    Get it from Forever 21 for $9.90 (available in three styles).

    19. An embroidered cotton baseball cap for inviting random passersby to come closer. They love small talk!

    amazon.com

    Promising review: "This is a great fit. It's made of durable material, but is still comfortable. I wear it all day and it doesn't cause any discomfort or those weird red lines like other hats. It has the clamp style fastener in the back instead of the button which I think is more comfortable and holds the size better. I wear mine every day." —T M Johnson

    Get it from Amazon for $10.99.

    20. A fringed circle beach towel so everyone knows the only thing saltier than the ocean is your friend.

    firebox.com

    Get it from Firebox for $15.79.

    21. A helpful magnet, because sometimes they can't resist giving expert advice. They're always so comforting, aren't they?

    etsy.com

    Get it from AZillionDollars on Etsy for $5.

    22. A cotton shirttail tank that'll encourage them to make even more inappropriate jokes. Go ahead and confront them, they don't bleeping care.

    anrdoezrs.net

    Get it from Torrid for $13.98 (originally $28.90; available in sizes M/L-6X).

    23. A set of festive balloons for letting them have a little fun without ~bursting~ anyone's pride.

    amazon.com

    Promising review: "These balloons are AMAZING! Everyone thought they were hilarious. They are great quality and there is no downside to them." —Dana

    Get a 25-pack from Amazon for $12.95.

    24. A pretentious pint glass so they can tell people how high class they are while drinking $2 beer.

    click.linksynergy.com

    Get it from Urban Outfitters for $8.

    25. A book of rewarding stickers, because I really doubt they were ever completely genuine when congratulating you for recycling. But these will make it seem that way!

    amazon.com

    It even comes with 100 stickers!

    Promising review: "This is such a great book! The stickers (as well as the introductory commentary) are so witty and spot-on! I love that it also has a few pages of blank stickers so you can create your own I Adulted! sticker. This would make a great gift for anyone who understands the struggle to adult is real." —Emily Folks

    Get it from Amazon for $13.46.

    26. A set of sticky notes that'll show how much they believe in teamwork. Every email they get is like a shining beacon of joy.

    amazon.com

    Promising review: "I love these sassy sticky notes so much that I also gave them as gifts!" —profesora

    Get a 100-count from Amazon for $6.49.

    27. A helpful print from their biggest role model, Chandler Bing, so they'll never hit a *wall* should you ask them for guidance.

    etsy.com

    Get it from AndersAttic on Etsy for $5.

    28. An unamused emoji pillow, because it's time they find their long lost twin — the resemblance is uncanny.

    amazon.com

    Promising review: "This is very soft and lovely! I use this in the car and bring it whenever I have to stay in a place for a long time." —Mrs. O

    Get it from Amazon for $6.95 (available in ten styles).

    29. A paper mousepad calendar that'll let them plan out their *stellar* week. If anyone is going to whistle while they work, it's them.

    amazon.com

    Promising review: "This calendar is incredible handy for keeping track of projects at work. There's plenty of room for writing down daily tasks — I've been known to cram in several tasks in a day's column for particularly busy weeks. The spot for the pen is really handy, too. I love the positive affirmations for each day! The whole thing is a great vibe for the week. Quality wise this product is excellent. The paper is sturdy, and each week tears off easily from the side. It arrived plastic wrapped and in good condition." —Katie Marie

    Get it from Amazon for $12.

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    The reviews for this post have been edited for length and clarity.

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