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    29 Things Anyone Who's Fluent In Sarcasm Needs To Own

    "Wow I love it", they say genuinely. I...think?

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    1. A canvas shoulder bag so they can tote around their happy-go-lucky feelings everywhere they go. Such a little ray of sunshine, they are.

    2. A pair of honest shirts for you and your bestie that'll let you respond in harmony the next time someone asks for your fries.

    3. A set of prescription shot glasses for taking a shot at their ever-so-charming humor. Yes, you hate being with us, we get it. Hardy har har.

    4. An inspirational art print, because this is *absolutely* their taste in decor. They'll look up at this every day and immediately be filled with inner peace.

    5. A mocking SpongeBob sticker so they have backup the next time someone dares to try to correct them about something. What are they expecting? A THANK YOU?! Get out.

    6. A roll of middle finger washi tape, because they'll want to spruce up their paperwork a bit before handing it back to their awesome coworker. LOVE when you give me YOUR work, keep at it buddy!

    7. A dictionary of sarcasm that'll be the *definition* of the perfect gift. Maybe they'll be so grateful that they won't even have a witty remark. But probably not.

    8. A satin bomber jacket for turning their ~back~ on empty apologies. They really did mean what they said, sorry. No wait, NOT sorry.

    9. A pocket I.Q. test so they have a new way to just "check" if people are using their brains. Or are they just giving their minds a rest?

    10. A lucky charm pin, because at first glance it looks like a genuine message. But it's on a black cat...so...thank you? Maybe? Hm...

    11. A set of T-shirts that'll match both their moods, whether they want to deliver a snarky "you're welcome" (you know the tone) or a flat-out "no thank you".

    12. A yoga mat for anyone who's inflexible when it comes to genuinely wholesome activities. Who's going to tell them they could actually use some meditation? Not you.

    13. A truthful coloring book so they can ~fill in the blanks~ about why they're so affronted by everything sparkly and cheerful. Apparently, it must be stopped.

    14. A cheerful doormat, because they just always have the *sunniest* disposition, and they ALWAYS want visitors! The more the merrier.

    15. A customizable lightbox with 109 letters, numbers, and symbols that'll be very happily received if given with the phrase "live, laugh, love." That's definitely their favorite saying.

    16. A denim laundry hamper great for the messier friend who now has good reason to keep their clothes in a pile. They just cherish their dirty socks too much to part with them, even momentarily.

    17. An optimistic paper pad so they can stay afloat when too much work comes their way. Could they just suck it up? Yes. Will they make 1,000 comments first? Of course.

    18. An illume-scented candle that'll definitely not remind them of every over-enthusiastic frat boy. Ok, they'll absolutely read this in the most mocking voice ever.

    19. An embroidered cotton baseball cap for inviting random passersby to come closer. They love small talk!

    20. A fringed circle beach towel so everyone knows the only thing saltier than the ocean is your friend.

    21. A helpful magnet, because sometimes they can't resist giving expert advice. They're always so comforting, aren't they?

    22. A cotton shirttail tank that'll encourage them to make even more inappropriate jokes. Go ahead and confront them, they don't bleeping care.

    23. A set of festive balloons for letting them have a little fun without ~bursting~ anyone's pride.

    24. A pretentious pint glass so they can tell people how high class they are while drinking $2 beer.

    25. A book of rewarding stickers, because I really doubt they were ever completely genuine when congratulating you for recycling. But these will make it seem that way!

    26. A set of sticky notes that'll show how much they believe in teamwork. Every email they get is like a shining beacon of joy.

    27. A helpful print from their biggest role model, Chandler Bing, so they'll never hit a *wall* should you ask them for guidance.

    28. An unamused emoji pillow, because it's time they find their long lost twin — the resemblance is uncanny.

    29. A paper mousepad calendar that'll let them plan out their *stellar* week. If anyone is going to whistle while they work, it's them.

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