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23 Things That Only A Really Fucking Awkward Person Will Appreciate

::Mentally prepares five hours for small greeting::

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1. A pillow hoodie so you can nap in public without feeling the piercing of a stranger's gaze.

amazon.com

Promising Review: "Best thing ever! I feel like I'm hiding when I wear it, and it's super comfortable and warm." —PJD

Get it on Amazon for $29.95.

2. A stress-relief toy who totally feels your pain of interacting with humans.

amazon.com

Promising Review: "The fact that this exists perplexes me, but I find it highly enjoyable and disturbingly adorable." —LlamaRedPajama

Get it on Amazon for $1.19.

3. A survival guide for those little cringeworthy hiccups, aka every moment of every day.

amazon.com

Promising Review: "Within three sentences, I was laughing out loud and flipping through the other chapters to see what else would be popping up. Then I read one short chapter and had that feeling that I want to salvage the enjoyment of this book as long as I can." —rose lebewitz

Get it on Amazon for $6.32.

4. A wall mount for your phone if you never want to leave the privacy of your toilet again.

amazon.com

Promising Review: "Got this for a friend who conducts 'business' while in the bathroom. Now he has a place to put his phone so it doesn't fall down into the sink or on the floor!" —PJD

Get it on Amazon for $11.99.

6. Some deodorizing spray if public number twos make you feel blue.

amazon.com

Promising Review: "OMG. It actually works! I spray it into the toilet bowl three to four times before I do my business and miraculously, there is no more odor!" —Tiffany A. Jakubiak

Get it on Amazon for $8.29+ (available in 13 scents and in five sizes).

7. A seriously irresistible pillowcase that will teach you just how beautiful pillow talk can be.

amazon.com

*Waits for Nic to whisper sweet nothings*

Promising Review: "The smooth texture and high-resolution make me feel like Nic is really in bed with me. I really enjoy waking up to his smiling, vaguely psychotic face. My cat disagrees." —heltonb

Get it on Amazon for $7.80+.

8. A naughty cookbook so you pick up some moves while throwing down in the kitchen.

amazon.com

Oh, tender seductress.

Promising Review: "This book is not only funny as hell, but the recipes are great, too. I am a professional cook, and these recipes are great. The bacon-wrapped wings and Thai chicken sliders were amazing." —Doughbizzle

Get it on Amazon for $11.59.

10. A seductive shower curtain that will certainly make every guest feel welcome in the bathroom.

amazon.com

Promising Review: "Nothing has ever made me as happy as this shower curtain. His face looks through my bathroom door as if to greet my guests. Sometimes five stars is not enough. This is one of those times. Everyone should own this." —Amazon Customer

Get it on Amazon for $26.98.

12. Some flasks that have you covered rain or shine when socializing becomes too much to bear.

amazon.com, amazon.com

Promising Review: "These are awesome. Not sure why I didn't get these back when I was in high school. No leaks whatsoever. Cap is firm and stays closed, no problem." —Stormyy

Get them on Amazon: set of three bottles for $7.98 and umbrella for $16.99.

13. An honest label if you're frequently trying to ~patch up~ blundering moments.

etsy.com

Promising Review: "Absolutely love this patch — it's a great size and wonderful quality! I wear it everywhere." —Lucy Flanagan

Get it from printrovert on Etsy for $6.95.

14. Some slang flash cards to help you fit in with those dang youths.

amazon.com

Promising Review: "Now my dad uses the phrase 'ba-donk-a-donk' and that's fine by me." —Andrew Naylor

Get them on Amazon for $11.55.

17. A magical mask for when you need a moment to discreetly hide.

amazon.com

Promising Review: "Life-changing. I finally feel like I have reached the pinnacle of success." —Lunchbox Lama

Get it on Amazon for $25.60.

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