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1. A pillow hoodie so you can nap in public without feeling the piercing of a stranger's gaze.
2. A stress-relief toy who totally feels your pain of interacting with humans.
Promising Review: "The fact that this exists perplexes me, but I find it highly enjoyable and disturbingly adorable." —LlamaRedPajama
Get it on Amazon for $1.19.
3. A survival guide for those little cringeworthy hiccups, aka every moment of every day.
Promising Review: "Within three sentences, I was laughing out loud and flipping through the other chapters to see what else would be popping up. Then I read one short chapter and had that feeling that I want to salvage the enjoyment of this book as long as I can." —rose lebewitz
Get it on Amazon for $6.64.
4. A wall mount for your phone if you never want to leave the privacy of your toilet again.
5. An unexpected wingman, because you've probably never been great at flirting.
6. Some deodorizing spray if public number twos make you feel blue.
Promising Review: "OMG. It actually works! I spray it into the toilet bowl three to four times before I do my business and miraculously, there is no more odor!" —Tiffany A. Jakubiak
Get it on Amazon for $9.65+ (available in 13 scents and in five sizes).
7. A seriously irresistible pillowcase that will teach you just how beautiful pillow talk can be.
8. A naughty cookbook so you pick up some moves while throwing down in the kitchen.
Oh, tender seductress.
Promising Review: "This book is not only funny as hell, but the recipes are great, too. I am a professional cook, and these recipes are great. The bacon-wrapped wings and Thai chicken sliders were amazing." —Doughbizzle
Get it on Amazon for $15.59.
9. A downright sexy George Costanza pin that'll teach you the art of seduction.
Promising Review: "People want to steal this from me." —Maria Navarro
Get it on Amazon for $9.95.
10. A seductive shower curtain that will certainly make every guest feel welcome in the bathroom.
Promising Review: "Nothing has ever made me as happy as this shower curtain. His face looks through my bathroom door as if to greet my guests. Sometimes five stars is not enough. This is one of those times. Everyone should own this." —Amazon Customer
Get it on Amazon for $13.86.
11. A foolproof pickup line bestowed on you from the awkward queen herself.
Get it from gracieallen95 on RedBubble for $2.86.
12. Some flasks that have you covered rain or shine when socializing becomes too much to bear.
13. An honest label if you're frequently trying to ~patch up~ blundering moments.
Promising Review: "Absolutely love this patch — it's a great size and wonderful quality! I wear it everywhere." —Lucy Flanagan
Get it from printrovert on Etsy for $6.95.
14. Some slang flash cards to help you fit in with those dang youths.
Promising Review: "Now my dad uses the phrase 'ba-donk-a-donk' and that's fine by me." —Andrew Naylor
Get them on Amazon for $10.36.
15. An awkward turtle for you to hold as you block those humiliating late-night recollections.
16. A scroll of Danny Devito in case you need to be reminded that your social skills are at least higher than Frank's.
Promising Review: "Simply stunning." —Amazon Customer
Get it on Amazon for $16.
17. A magical mask for when you need a moment to discreetly hide.
Promising Review: "Life-changing. I finally feel like I have reached the pinnacle of success." —Lunchbox Lama
Get it on Amazon for $25.60.
18. A Bob Ross chia pet if you're looking to grow a new pal.
Get it on Urban Outfitters for $24.
19. A card game that probably hits way too close to home.
20. A gawky T. rex who's just waiting to grow into his arms.
21. A realistic pillow with a non-negotiable argument.
Get it from Urban Outfitters for $39.
22. An expressive card for a heartfelt message that you couldn't put into words.
Get it from Could You Please on Etsy for $4.50.
23. A punny patch that will unfortunately probably start conversations.
Get it from helloDODOshop on Etsy for $8.18.
Another day, another repressed memory.
Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.
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