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1. A fleece blanket with sleeves that'll reward them for successfully avoiding humans and staying single all this time. No blanket hogs = no cold arms.
Promising review: "I work in an office that is ALWAYS freezing. My coworkers and I are constantly under heated blankets or bundled in jackets. The primary issue with the blanket was it made it difficult to type, so I decided to put all shame aside and look into this. For the price, this is definitely the one to get! Why get a cheap-o fleece one when you can get one that feels plush and very warm? The blue color is great and I've gotten a lot of compliments about how I look like the regal queen of the office with the fuzzy cuffs. My coworkers liked it so much, many of them ordered the exact same one for themselves! I honestly really love this thing and will probably end up buying more." —borderrat906
Get it from Amazon for $24.99 (available in nine styles).
2. A Slytherin pom-pom beanie for letting them proudly display their obvious house. They're not snobby, they're selective. But they may hiss at you in parseltongue.
3. And! A Harry Potter insults handbook so your friend can tell their Draco of a coworker that they're the fourth Unforgivable Curse.
It's packed with magically witty comebacks so you're never left without a zinger when confronted with He Who Must Not Be Named — your boss.
Promising review: "I gave this as a gift to my brother, a fellow Harry Potter fan. We were cracking up over the phone while he hand-selected a few of the one-liners. This is definitely a great gift idea!" —EESA
Get it from Amazon for $7.99.
4. A Festivus celebration kit, because they'll finally be able finally share their grievances loud and clear. This is the real meaning of holiday spirit.
This trouble maker includes a nine-inch tall Festivus pole with four buttons that play audio of Frank Costanza, five Human Fund donation gift cards, and two magnets. You bring your own grievances.
Promising review: "This is so much fun and more than I expected. I bought for my son (a Seinfeld fan) to put on his desk at work for Christmas/Festivus celebrating. Everything shown is in the box and it just captures the magic of Seinfeld's Festivus celebration. I love to hear George's father's voice and laugh every time." —Mary Mary
Get it from Amazon for $7.08.
5. A pair of grumpy socks to help make their, er, distaste of everyone's holiday spirit feel a little cuter. We know the holidays start too early now. We know.
Get them from ModCloth for $12.
6. A cell phone stand that'll make it easier for them to text you all day with updates about how infuriatingly loud their cubicle mate breathes.
Promising review: "I LOVE this cellphone stand! It was a game-changer for my home office. Before, I’d prop my cell on the laptop edge, or book, or anything to access the mute button easier (and other functions). Now, my work cellphone is always at the perfect angle to access its functions in and out of a call; plus, the speaker is more vibrant. The cellphone itself is always accessible in its new, grounded home next to my monitor." —EagleOne
Get it from Amazon for $10.99+ (available in three colors).
To learn more, check out a BuzzFeed editor's full review in "Just 7 Things You'll Want To Try In June".
7. A pair of oversized sunglasses for giving them a way to hide from public in plain sight, aka when they see someone from high school. RUN.
Promising review: "These are such great sunglasses! I am very particular about my sunglasses, but decided to give it a whirl and I am SO happy I did. I've gotten so many compliments on them! They are on the larger side, the black tint hides your eyes some, but not totally, and they are flat which I think is unique! They are very comfortable and do their job of keeping the brightness out of my eyes. Great purchase!" —JPlattinum
Get them from Amazon for $13.99 (available in 13 colors).
8. A set of prescription shot glasses so they'll have the medicine they so desperately need every time someone tries to even look their way at a party. It was a miracle you got them to show up...
Promising review: "I purchased this for a friend going to medical school. This was meant to be a gag gift more than anything, but she loved it. The print is clear and legible on the shot glass labels, so everyone can see the faux prescription recommendation. Overall, this was a great buy and definitely worth it!" —debolds89
Get a set of three from Amazon for $10.99.
9. A body pillow, because this'll give them something better than the real thing — they won't have to talk to it now or ever. AND they can call little spoon every night. Humans don't do that.
Promising review: "I was pleasantly surprised at this pillow. It is incredibly comfortable and does a great job at supporting your neck if your a side sleeper like me." —LovieLovoa
Get it from Amazon for $34.17+ (available in eight colors).
10. A doge coin purse to ensure they always have someone to join them in giving people the side eye when asked if the seat next to them is free.
The rest of the car is EMPTY?!
Promising review: "I absolutely love it. It's even better than the photo and adorable down to the lining on the inside. It can be used to carry money/coins but is large enough to fit small cosmetic items as well. I loved it so much I immediately placed an order for another. Can't wait to give the next one as a gift. I'm sure I'll order more." —Joanna B.
Get it from Amazon for $5.96 (available in 23 styles).
11. A subscription to Winc that'll deliver very important adult juice right to their door on a monthly basis. They'll be thanking you when they have vino to undo their whole day of listening to their grad teacher say their name wrong.
WE HAVE ONE MONTH LEFT. LEARN MY NAME.
Give a Winc gift card for $13+ per bottle, or gift a subscription for $39+/month.
For more info on why a BuzzFeed editor loves this, check out "This Wine Subscription Service Will Change Your Life".
12. And! An attachable wine cupholder for encouraging them to down said vino in a relaxing bath after being *drained* from a long day of unnecessary interactions.
Promising review: "I bought this for my friend for her birthday and she LOVES it! It provides a good seal and she loves drinking in her tub and pool. It made a great gift along with some nice wine and beer. She actually told me she could another for her husband they love it so much, and their friends are asking her where she got it. It's a great gift and I would definitely buy it again and recommend it!" —Maria
Get it from Amazon for $13.95 (available in six colors).
13. A handy notepad so they can upgrade their confrontation methods — being passive aggressive just isn't cutting it for them anymore. It's time to be direct — Steve from accounting CANNOT keep sneezing that loudly.
Promising review: "I stuck this in my glove box and have only used it a couple of times when someone really had no clue how to park their car. It gets the point across and you only need to check a couple of boxes. No more searching for a used candy wrapper or Starbucks sleeve to leave a note on the car of a serious offender." —Allie Miller
Get it from Amazon for $7.05 (available in 24 styles).
14. A heartwarming pin set, because this'll let you two bask in the true meaning of friendship — the ability to complain about everyone else in life. Who needs more than one friend, anyway?
Promising review: "I bought this for myself and my best friend, because she was having a really rough few weeks. She loves it, and now the black one is on her jacket and the pink one is on my vest. It's the perfect BFF gift, because everyone but her sucks." —CoffeeCatCreations
Get it from The Lantern Girl Shop on Etsy for $13.
15. An ingenious lunch cooler to help them finally protect their dang lunch. If Clark "accidentally" takes their leftovers ONE MORE TIME there will be hell to pay. It's also very effective for dissuading people from asking your friend to join them in the cafeteria.
Plus it's insulated!
Promising review: "This is so awesome that on my first day at a new job, the manager took a picture of it to show her friends. I get funny looks when I use it so as you can see it's authentic-looking. It is very durable. Overall, AMAZING!! There have so many people asking where I got it because they love it, too." —Lou Ann Baker
Get it from Amazon for $29.99.
16. A friendly T-shirt that'll end unwelcome conversations before they even begin. Your friend is about to be a much happier person.
Promising review: "Love it, the shirt is comfy, has a lil' stretch, and goes great with a cardigan." —valisya C.
Get it from Forever 21 for $12.99 (available in sizes 0X–3X).
17. A dishwasher magnet for giving them a cute, non-aggressive way to tell their roommate that dishes don't unload themselves. Despite what it seems, bowls don't grow legs and climb back to their shelf.
18. A comforting coloring book so you can remind them it could be a lot worse — they could be a T-Rex who's supposed to be extinct, but is instead working at a library where they can't reach anything anyway, due to tragically short arms.
Promising review: "This coloring book is absolutely my favorite coloring book! I bought two of them (one for me and one for a friend) and it keeps me laughing. Most of my coloring books are the same thing — paisley designs meant to keep you calm, but I find them to be overwhelming which is so not the point of adult coloring. This one is simple in design with captions of what's going on in the picture and I love it. I mean come on...dinosaurs with jobs? Sign me up!" —Jeanann
Get it from Amazon for $7.99.
19. A set of handcrafted bath bombs, because this'll help them release some ~steam~ after a long, long day of teaching their mom how to make a screenshot ("just press the two buttons — no — at the SAME TIME!"). Plus, some of the bath bombs will make their tub water dark enough to match their soul 🖤.
They come in a gift-able box, and will nourish their skin with shea and cocoa butter! And they're individually scented!
Promising review: "I love baths and am a five to six night-a-week bath-tubber, so when I say I’ve tried all the bath bombs Amazon provides, I’m serious. I keep going back to these, not only because of the price but because they actually work well. They don’t have all those annoying glitters and the scent actually sticks to your skin and serves a hydration purpose. I can’t say enough how much I love these over the 10-12 other brands I’ve tried." —JH
Get a set of 12 from Amazon for $26.80.
20. A pair of splurge-worthy Beats wireless earbuds to help them discreetly block out the sounds of frankly annoying conversations wherever they are — plus they boast nine hours of listening time, and feature secure-fit ear hooks for lightweight comfort (Airpods could never). These might even make your Grinch smile...
And! They're sweat- and water-resistant so they can be worn during workouts, have volume and track controls on each earbud, as well as voice capability and auto play/pause. Andddd! They have enhanced phone call performance and noise isolation. Phew!
Promising review: "I was on the fence about these. I have very tiny ears and have always had an issue with earbuds staying in my ears, especially while working out or walking. These come with smaller rubber pieces for your ears and the fact that they go over the top of the ear were really the deciding factor for me. They come in an awesome case that is very easy to charge and they synced right away with my phone. am glad I spent the money on these. I had really given up on most of the cheaper ones because I just couldn't find ones that fit perfectly, and these are just right!" —Kimberly Gunn
Get them from Amazon for $249.95 (available in four colors).
See what won best wireless earbuds on BuzzFeed Reviews.
21. A heat-sensitive, color-changing mug with a powerful reminder that'll stop them from changing their name and fleeing the country before even finishing their first cup of coffee.
Promising review: "This product is exactly as advertised, it came nicely packaged with plenty of padding. The color change works perfectly with hot water from a Keurig and the image shows up perfectly. It made a wonderful gift!" —Lauren Atkins
Get it from Amazon for $14.99.
22. A graphic tee for giving them the power to predict the future about every two minutes. There's just so much to judge, so little time.
Get it from Nasty Gal for $16 (originally $40; available in sizes S–L).
23. A jumbo stress relief toy so they can release their frustrations when everyone in the whole world seems to *succ*. Just tell them to squeeze and repeat.
24. A hospitable doormat, because this'll keep small talk to a minimum — the faster random people leave, the better.
25. A Tamagotchi On to finally give them the perfect excuse to stay in whenever invited to go out — "it's just hard to leave my pet home alone. They need me."
They can feed it, clean up after it (welp), help it make friends, travel, and more! It comes with an exclusive land and two exclusive characters — plus, they can interact with other players through the app!
Promising review: "I can't stress enough how cute the new Tamagotchi ON is — I got the purple one and I have been hooked since I've gotten it. You can connect it to the app on your phone and meet other tamas, get married and have babies, and expand your family tree, y'all!" —whirly
Get it from Urban Outfitters for $60 (available in three colors) or from Amazon for $59 (available in five colors).
26. A pair of silicone ear plugs that'll a) drown out their "unbearably loud" roommate at night, and b) prevent any chance of them becoming any more tired/irritable than usual. The more well-rested the better.
Plus, because these are reusable they'll save you money from buying the disposable kind! AND they're designed to be super comfortable in your ears and come with travel case and pouch.
Promising review: "These are amazing — so comfortable and easy to insert. They completely seal off your ears. I got them for my son. He has insomnia. He's overtired, and cranky. He complains if I try to have a phone conversation or watch TV quietly in another room with closed doors between us. Not today! I've been talking on the phone with him sleeping like a rock in the next room — no more complaints! Since it came with two pairs, I kept one for myself. I slept so soundly! Everyone is happy and well rested. I highly recommend them and I never want to be without them again." —Nikki A.
Get a set of two from Amazon for $9.95.
27. An understanding oven mitt for telling them they're not alone in agreeing with Dwight...we really do need a new plague. Just bake it out, my friend.
Promising review: "I love all of these novelty items from Blue Q. I purchased several to give as gifts this year and my friends all loved them. You really cannot go wrong with these." —tonimariep
Get it from Amazon for $12.99 (available in six styles).
28. A relatable sweatshirt so they can let random people on the street know that they *will* pet their dogs without asking, and they *won't* make any human eye contact. Thank you, next.
Promising review: "It's just as pictured, I received quickly, and it's in perfect condition. I love it!" —Courtney Studley
Get it from Sew Kreative by LM on Etsy for $24.95 (available in sizes S–XL).
29. A helpful sound button to put classmates in their place when they try to only do ONE powerpoint slide. They need to invite everyone in their group projects to their funeral, so that they can let them down one more time.
Promising review: "As a substitute teacher, I use the 'no' button quite often to politely deny students' requests to use their iPods and cell phones during class periods. The 10 different ways that the button says 'no' is not only humorous to me and sometimes to the students, but is also effective. I recommend this to all parents, teachers, and others." —Paiute
Get it from Amazon for $10.50.
30. An insightful phone case, because you just KNOW they're going through unwelcome texts and judging. Even worse is when they scroll through their Instagram — "oh look, another engagement shoot. Mute."
Promising review: "I love this case. The print quality is great, as is the design." —Taylor H.
Get it from Alesia Fisher on Society6 for $26.99 (originally $35.99; available in sizes iPhone 5–11 and Galaxy 6–8).
31. A warning cap that'll give them a way to let people on the subway know that they need to BACK OFF. They really don't care if there isn't any room.
Your friend: "Take your holiday spirit..."
The reviews for this post have been edited for length and clarity.
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