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1.A stainless steel insulated growler so he can keep his new favorite beer extra cold after a day at the brewery. He won't even realize how craftily you saved money by not getting a more expensive version.
2.A pair of fashionable lightweight sneakers that'll ~outpace~ designer alternatives when you can upgrade his style AND have money left over to take him to dinner. Win win.
3.A cell phone camera lens kit for improving his Insta game (hello, pro-like pics) without splurging on a fancy digital camera. This'll create sharp, stunning images that he'll immediately want to show off — probably with a dad joke in the caption.
4.A gourmet spice and seasoning gift box, because he already thinks his grilling is Michelin-star worthy. But now his steak will taste even BETTER. You're absolutely allowed to *rub* the success of this gift in all your siblings' faces.
5.A pair of lightweight, waterproof Birkenstocks made of flexible foam so he can feel happiness in his sole every darn day this summer — all at a fraction of the original Birks price 🙌.
6.A mini waffle maker that'll truly make any father the Rufus of your family so fast, you won't even need to take him out to brunch. Get ready for a lifetime of mini waffles, my friend. He just found his new favorite toy.
7.A double-edged safety razor for upgrading his shaving experience right in his own bathroom. It'll be stylish, give him a refreshingly close shave, and definitely make his countertop look a little ~sharper~.
8.Or a beard grooming kit, because this'll start each and every one of his mornings with a touch of luxury. Its balm and oil are formulated with jojoba oil (to moisturize), hempseed oil (to prevent splitting), and vitamin E (to protect) — aka the recipe of success to becoming the favorite child.
9.A pair of blue light–blocking glasses so you can both nix his midday headaches and give all his outfits a stylish touch. He'll be so impressed by his lack of eye strain, he'll think you either learned witchcraft or splurged quite a bit. Just smile and nod.
10.A stainless steel fountain pen that'll make his desk feel more sophisticated as he figures out your taxes for the tenth year in a row. Will you ever have to learn? Hopefully not.
11.A vintage-y canvas backpack with faux leather straps for making him a COOL (and fancy!) dad when he suddenly seems to understand fashion. These + on-trend dad sneaks = his lucky year.
12.A solar charging external battery, because a) camping as a family is only fun when you have your phones to escape and b) its "advanced tech" design will blow him away for years to come.
13.A set of checked cotton handkerchiefs so you can create a pattern of compliments for him whenever he suits up. You really have always been the classiest sibling.
14.A copy of George R.R. Martin's The World of Ice & Fire that'll make any GoT fan feel richer than all the money the Iron Bank could offer. Maybe that's an exaggeration, but its intricate storytelling and gorgeous imagery are i-m-p-r-e-s-s-i-v-e. Like the North, he'll remember your generosity.
Just 👏 look 👏 at 👏 this 👏 illustration 👏:
15.A faux leather watch for proving your taste is timelessly sophisticated. Will he know its true ~face~ value? Never.
16.A Jack Black hand cream, because he'll suddenly understand the importance of pampering when he uses this formula of vitamins A and E, macadamia nut oil, and glycerin to soothe even the most chapped hands. Life is a lot *smoother* without cracked knuckles.
17.A set of Goodful carbon steel knives so his cooking game reaches new heights on your (cheap) dime. Warning: he WILL now want to audition for Chopped and claim to be the next Bobby Flay.
18.A Rocketbook reusable notebook with wipeable pages that'll take his office work straight to the future. The pages are scannable with the Rocketbook app so he can file 'em onto his computer — meaning he has you to thank for never losing important paperwork again. Consider this one of the best inexpensive tech gifts.
19.A gift box of cotton argyle dress socks for helping him put his best foot forward without spending all your money on designer brands. Are you his personal stylist now? I believe so.
20.A mirrored cube puzzle, because this'll give him a fun mental challenge to work on that he'll 100% want to show off to anyone who'll let him.
21.A faux leather passport holder with RFID-blocking technology so he can travel in style, even if his airport outfits could not more loudly scream "dad going on vacation." Please don't let him store this in a fanny pack.
22.A pair of waterproof, bluetooth headphones that'll make sure he doesn't miss a *beat* to brag about his most generous child. They boast a built-in mic, noise-cancelling tech, and can play music for up to eight hours.
23.A breathable, moisture-wicking polo shirt for keeping him nice and cool while practicing at the golf range. In a way, he has you to thank for his newly improved par — and you spent far less than golf lessons!
24.A wine-chilling aerator, because this'll not only make all his wine taste bolder and more expensive, but will also keep it refreshingly cool even when drunk outside in the heat. Prepare for a lot of toasts in your honor.
25.A powerful electric toothbrush to not only make his bathroom routine feel more sophisticated, but put his dental hygiene up to ~speed~ with his dentist's expectations.
26.A family tree chart you should fill out yourself before gifting to win even MORE gold stars. There is a 110% chance of this getting framed as the best Father's Day gift ever — so you just made your own bit of history.
27.A lightweight sleep mask so he can replace counting sheep with something a little more rewarding, not to mention luxurious-feeling (and you won't have to stay up thinking about the bill).
28.A pair of 18K white-gold-plated cufflinks that'll be even better than an expensive trip to Brooks Brothers thanks to their engraved initials. James Bond would be impressed.
29.A ticket stub diary for giving him a way to document all his favorite concerts, sporting events, trips, WHATEVER. It's *almost* like you paid for all those experiences...feel free to take a little credit.
30.A mini bluetooth speaker, because he'll be sure to *sing praise* about what appears to be a huge tech splurge on your end. Talk about music to your ears.
31.A set of chilling whiskey stones so he won't notice you're serving the cheapest alcohol you could find to celebrate his special day. He'll be too busy wondering how these make his drinks so cold. Tell them it's sorcery.
Your dad's explanation as to why you "spent so much":