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1. A blind spot mirror, because you'll suddenly become the MASTER of parallel parking — aka that thing we only correctly did once during our driver's test. Your friends are in the back, they won't know your secrets.
2. A Maybelline metallic highlighter that'll make it seem like you live full-time in golden hour thanks to its incredibly pigmented formula. All it takes is a swipe for this to pop — but to the rest of the world, you're a makeup artist worthy of 1M followers.
3. An Echo Dot so you can literally have someone else tell you the news, play music, send messages, make calls, read audiobooks, WHATEVER, and still give you all the credit. You're basically the Wizard of Oz.
4. An LED ring light to finally conquer the "candidly" perfect selfie without having to fill your camera roll with 100 pictures of your face. This'll provide *just* enough pro-like lighting so you're done in a flash. Luckily you don't have to share those 100+ likes with it.
5. A double-layer, inverted umbrella specifically designed to keep rain and water *contained* when you step inside — aka you won't get the lobby (or your car, outfit, floor, etc.) wet the minute you walk in. And! It can withstand heavy winds so you don't have to worry about it folding. Get ready for a LOT of head-turning when you're the only one unfazed by inclement weather.
6. A set of press-on nail art that'll lead people to ask "where did you get those done?". And then you can bask in their awe when you tell them you did them yourself. Humblebragger? Who, me?!
7. A daily planner so you can increase productivity, time management, and overall ~progress~ — meaning you'll suddenly find it easier to grasp those mysterious (gulp) adulting skills. Will you also earn bragging rights for how you finished your presentation THREE days early?! Of course.
8. A bun maker for letting people believe you keep your hair in tip top shape every darn day. Did we really wake up five minutes before work? None of their business.
9. A zipper-pulling aid that'll make sure you can rock sophisticated dresses, even if they have hard-to-reach zippers and you live alone. No need to ask strangers in the street for help — now people will only admire your impressive style. Talk about dressing for success.
10. A set of resistance bands for looking extremely athletic when doing home workouts, no matter how long you use them. Two minutes? More than enough time in my opinion. As long as you shared it on your story.
11. A Rubik's cube keychain so your superior problem-solving skills are always on display. Feel free to leave this already "solved." I'll keep that between the two of us.
12. A set of faux succulents, because these'll look so real no one will ever question whether or not you're capable of maintaining such a thriving display. Which is....debatable. But unknown.
13. An eyeliner stamp that'll create the most perfect, *kisses fingers* cat-eyes you could ever hope to draw yourself. But we all know how that usually goes...better to have people wondering how you ~wing it~ so darn well.
14. An ergonomic jar opener so you can always save the day when someone can't open the #*!$@ pickle jar. Crisis averted, and a hero is born.
15. A ravioli shaper for possibly giving Giada a run for her money. Not that we want a contest. At all. Please don't ask us to prove our cooking abilities.
16. A dermaplaning tool that'll quickly touch up eyebrows and peach fuzz with just the flick of the wrist. Your eyebrows are now twin sisters NOT third cousins removed, and people's hairs are raised.
17. An adult coloring book, because not only will these masterpieces totally be guided, but they can be hung up on the wall for all to admire. Just call us Picasso — if he had needed to paint within lines.
18. A Cuisinart frittata pan set so flipping those dang omelettes doesn't feel like mission impossible anymore. Don't let yourself watch your dreams ~crumble~. You deserve better.
19. An all-purpose cleaner to leave your guests truly awe-struck at how spotless you keep your home. This won't allow a scratch in sight — even if you totally make a ridiculous amount of messes and rough everything up. Everything will be undone before the doorbell rings.
20. An attachable wine aerator for upgrading your cheap wine right out of the bottle thanks to its ability to infuse oxygen and release its ~aromas~. Be sure to explain it just like this while convincing the room you're a sommelier.
21. A packing organizer, because who but a travel expert would know to transfer items from their suitcase RIGHT to the closet?! Change our name to Atlas, because we run the world.
22. A beginner's calligraphy workbook that'll *almost* motivate you to write thank you notes. Do it if only to impress grandma with your brand-new cursive skills.
23. A set of shadow shields so your wings always look impressively sharp — all thanks to using these bbs as a stencil. PLUS, they'll prevent eyeshadow fallout from ruining your foundation. Makeup hacks > actually trying.
24. A handheld spiralizer, because zucchini noodles are flippin' impressive and people will be frankly shook that someone is capable of bringing such trendy meals to work *without* a delivery charge.
25. An Instant Pot that'll cook you top-notch, Ina Garten–level meals after you simply dump all the ingredients in before leaving for work. Honestly, I think our parents have been using this trick for years.
26. A portable razor for *shaving* time in half when you're getting ready — therefore never being late. Are you just really punctual or sprucing up in the cab?
27. A Remington ceramic curling wand so you only have good hair days and can create beach-like waves with little to no effort. Its easy-to-use design makes it possible for just about anyone to confidently *handle* styling their hair.
My skills include finishing my own box of pizza...using up all my data....staying in bed for 24 hours....shall I continue?
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