1. He has emotionally destroyed so many times you've lost count.
2. In fact, most of your books are impossible to open due to the glue that is your fallen tears.
3. "Johnning" is so much harder than it looks.
4. He will kill all of the people you love.
5. You never know when he is lurking on Tumblr, ready to strike.
6. You’ve reread his books so many times that you’ll probably never read another book again...
7. ...or bother ever leaving the house, for that matter.
8. Sadly, it's too late for him to adopt you.
9. Your history teacher's lessons will never measure up to his.
10. There's only one of him...and so many of us.
11. And your friends have the nerve to think they're more obsessed with him than you are.
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