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31 Of The Most Ridiculous Things Mike Duffy Said At His Trial

"Nooooo, macho man."

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Mike Duffy, the Canadian senator accused of fraud, breach of trust, and bribery, was on the stand at his trial for what feels like forever.

1. On hot dogs and respect:

Duffy says Harper was eating a hot dog, sitting in his undershirt, while his female staffer ironed his shirt. Says sit was rude.

2. On the Prime Minister's Office:

"All of these born-again Christians, throwing me to the lions... It's politics at the most despicable" Duffy on the PMO and senate

3. On being hard AF:

Bayne asks "are you getting tired?" Duffy says "noooooo, macho man".

4. ...except when he's being cross-examined:

Duffy says he's "tired and confused" when pressed by the crown about a meeting he had with PM on December 23 2008

5. On his body:

Crown mentions there is a pumpkin contest at the Saanich Fair, Duffy replies "are we into body shaming now?" #duffytrial

6. On his colleagues:

Duffy says Sen Vern White called "oh don't get me started on that guy... He's a former RCMP officer and a THUG!" #cdnpoli #GNduffy

7. On being a martyr for the cause:

#Duffy: "I didn't want to be a senator."

8. On starting from the bottom:

Duffy says he wrote a feature about a rock and roll band, called The Beavers. They offered him a job, and went on tour with them. He was 18

9. On the haters:

Duffy came to Ottawa for a spell. But was told "you'll never make it in this business. Go sell ties at Eaton's."

10. On being 🔥 "the fireman" 🔥:

Duffy says when he was at CBC he was known as "the fireman". Usually had a bag packed, when something happened, fireman was dispatched

11. On appearances:

Then Duffy was asked to go on TV. Says he turned it down 3 times. He asked, "Do you see any fat people on TV?"

12. On the tough times:

"I was pretty depressed. You can't lose your kids and not feel it. I'm a lover." - Mike #Duffy

13. On having unknowingly broken his ribs:

Duffy now talking about his heart surgery. First one: 1996. Learned he had a genetic disorder. Also 2 broken ribs he didn't even know about.

14. On the struggle:

#Duffy says it’s hard to make ends meet with Senator’s $147K a year salary if you have kids, mortgages, etc.

15. On modesty:

For Memorabilia for his office Duffy printed off a cover of TV Guide. Bayne asks why, "Because I was on the cover of TV Guide" #duffytrial

16. On cottage décor:

Duffy went for the "top shelf" windows with natural wood finish to go with the pine paneling motif #HGTV #GNduffy

17. On Canadian heroes:

Duffy says he considers @HonStephaneDion to be “a great Canadian hero"

18. On not being a monk:

Duffy asked about role in senate. Duffy says not just a "group of monks" studying legislation, it's about interacting w regions.

19. On being like a baseball player:

Duffy compares it to baseball. Says American baseball players in Ontario still have to pay Ontario taxes #duffytrial

20. On expensing a fitness consultant:

Duffy says this wasn't about him, he hates exercise, he was doing it for Canada's seniors.

21. On Peter Mansbridge's hair:

Duffy says Harper's makeup artist was famous for inventing Peter Mansbridge's hair. Said when you have a few strands on top... #duffytrial

22. On the need for glam:

On another makeup charge, Duffy said he had pre-cancerous lesions on his head. Wanted makeup so he wouldn't look like Gorbachev.

23. On Larry:

Duffy says he sent Barbara Bush a picture because "Larry" (King) was in it. "It was a special moment because of Larry. " #duffy

24. On the internet:

Everything takes longer at Duffy trial today. "I went to the World Wide Web..."

25. On former Finance Minister Jim Flaherty's frustrations with the PMO:

Duffy claims that Flaherty told him "these people are F-ing unbelievable." #duffytrial

26. On maintaining a positive relationship with the media:

#Duffy describes "classic PMO strategy": you can't play tennis if someone doesn't return the ball. "don't give story oxygen & it will die."

27. On quests:

Duffy says he still hadn't given up on his "quest for justice" #duffytrial

28. On having some v. legit health problems:

"I've got sludge in my liver," Duffy says. Different than kidney stones, everyone.

29. On metaphorical death plots:

When Sen. Lebreton and Sen Cowan put out letter about misused funds #Duffy felt "the gallows were being built... they were gonna hang me"

30. On transparency in government:

Duffy said Harper would write on yellow post-its on cabinet documents, never on docs. "There are no fingerprints."

31. And on the actual scandal:

!! Duffy says PM told him he had to pay the money back, and Nigel Wright will make the arrangements. !!

Emma Loop is a politics reporter for BuzzFeed News and is based in Washington, DC.

Contact Emma Loop at emma.loop@buzzfeed.com.

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