33 Unbelievably Gross Confessions About Relationships
If this isn't true love, I don't know what is.
1. Unclogged the toilet.
2. Held their hair back.
"Throwing up from severe food poisoning. I thought it was over so I pulled my hair down from the ponytail. My boyfriend had just gotten home from work and had brought me home some juice and crackers and made himself some egg rolls... Needless to say...it wasn't over.
"The second he heard me start to retch he charged into the bathroom and caught my hair and cradled me...all while eating that damned egg roll. We're still together and I couldn't love him more!"
– Shannon, Facebook
3. Washed their menstrual cup.
4. Shaved them "down there".
"When I was pregnant I signed up for a full-body prenatal massage. Pregnancy hormones gave me wolverine-type body hair all over and I was so nervous about the massage therapist judging me for it so I shaved everything…except my butt.
"My sweet husband had to shave my butt because I couldn’t reach it. And I’m not talking about just shaving cheek hair, he shaved all the nooks and crannies. Best part was that the massage therapist stopped at my lower back, never even went near my freshly shaved butt."
5. Pulled out ingrown hairs.
6. Helped out at a house party.
"About a year and a half into dating my boyfriend, he and his roommates were having a house party. I was pretty drunk and my stomach hurt so I went to the lone bathroom upstairs. I was in there for about 15 minutes when I hear a line forming. I feel bad that I’m holding up the line so I text him and he comes up and stands outside the door and basically just gets rid of everyone.
"Roughly 10 minutes later it hits me, I know I’m going to throw up and there’s nothing I can do about it. I’m already on the toilet in the middle of something else and my only option is their bathtub which is to the left of me, so I use it. I start violently puking (the gross chunky kind of puke) into their bathtub. In between heaves I manage to text my boyfriend, tell him what’s up and ask him what to do.
"The man (who is fairly private and has never even seen me use the bathroom) walks in, takes one look at me and holds my hair back as I continue puking AND use the toilet. Once I finished doing my thing, he helped clean me up and sat me down while he used HIS BARE HANDS to scoop my puke up out of the tub and into the toilet. The entire time he kept telling me it was okay and everything was fine and to not worry. He never even batted an eye or made a gross face while he touched my puke.
"If that’s not love, I don’t know what is."
7. Farted in their face.
8. Squeezed a blackhead.
"I love squeezing spots and blackheads, which I know is gross. My ex panicked one day having felt a suspicious lump on one of his balls and asked me to have a look. It was a rather large blackhead. He wanted it gone and he let me squeeze it. What came out of his ball bag was the the exact shape and size of a whole peppercorn. It was amazing.
"I still think about it today."
9. Kept a dirty secret.
10. Fished out a stuck tampon.
"This just happened yesterday, on our one year wedding anniversary. I had just woken up and went to the bathroom. I was trying to find my tampon string but couldn’t. This began a 20-minute quest to get a stringless tampon out. I walked out of the bathroom, panting, sweating, nearly in tears, and said, 'Well, in honour of our anniversary, I’m gonna need you to help me get a tampon out of my vag.” I laid back, legs spread, while he basically dug it out. It sucked so hard, but he never complained."
11. Disposed of a booger.
12. Cleaned infected stitches.
"He cleaned and dressed the 100+ infected stitches on my perineum after birthing an 11lb baby. He would even bring me tea and biscuits afterwards. He's a keeper."
– Leanne, Facebook
13. Collected some samples.
14. Helped them pee.
"My ex was a chef and we were given a big bag of Scotch bonnets, fresh off the bush (no pun intended). He made some AMAZING peach and Scotch bonnet hot sauce, but when chopping up the Scotch bonnets and tossing them in the pot (again, NPI), he didn’t wear gloves. You would think a seasoned chef would know to do this.
"A little while later he needed to use the loo and a few seconds later I heard a shriek of pain. Fool had undone his pants and grabbed his penis before making any attempt of getting the chilli oil off his hands. I went in there and stood behind him, held his dick, and aimed for him while he peed."
15. Gave them a post-plastercast pedicure.
16. Tucked their private parts out the way.
"My poor partner has a tendency to get skin tags, and he had a really big one on the inside of his thigh that was starting to swell and cause him pain recently. So I basically tucked his sack back while he took two (OW) tries to cut it off with a razorblade."
– Mara, Facebook
17. Popped their pimples.
18. Taken care of a verruca, aka plantar wart.
"He has had a plantar wart on his foot for almost two years now and when he first got part of it taken out, I had to change the dressings and put medicine on it because he wasn’t able to see exactly where the infection was. It smelled and was filled with blood and pus and was so gross."
19. Got creative about scratching an itch.
20. Took care of their haemorrhoids.
"When I was pregnant I had horrible haemorrhoids. Being the size of a car, I couldn’t reach back there to put the cream I was prescribed on them. My boyfriend took one for the team, and it’s safe to say I plan on keeping him. He still loved me even after applying cream to my protruding asshole."
21. Searched for a lost toy.
22. Cleaned up after an accident.
"About three months into our relationship, I wet the bed during a horrific nightmare. I had to shake my girlfriend awake before the pee reached her (she’s a very heavy sleeper), screaming “MOVE!! I’VE PISSED THE BED!” She leapt up while I was standing there confused, soaked and sweating everywhere. She told me to go shower and when I came back she’d stripped the bed, flipped the mattress over and laid out some fresh PJs for me to wear instead. We still laugh about it now."
23. Shared a toothbrush.
24. Made a good catch.
"Me and my girlfriend went on a night out, and safe to say my girlfriend got a bit too drunk. So I called for a taxi to come pick us up so I could get her home. At this point she’d already thrown up a few times.
"Anyway, we were in the taxi on the way home and she decided she needed to be sick – instead of it going everywhere and us getting a fine of £60 for spoiling the car, I caught the sick in my hands and rolled down the window to throw it out. If that’s not love, I don’t know what is!"
25. De-waxed them.
26. Stopped the shower overflowing.
"One night despite having just recovered from a stomach bug my partner insisted on having McDonald's for dinner. She ate a lot of it as she was sooooooo hungry after not eating for the better part of three days.
"Later, while we were in the shower, she fell on her hands and knees and started vomiting up massive amounts of half-masticated fries, frappe, and three burgers.
"I got her to the toilet to continue throwing up her dinner but in my absence the shower drain became plugged with vomit and the shower was about to overflow everywhere. I frantically started scooping out her vomit from the drain with both my hands while she watched me from the toilet, crying, 'I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!'"
– Jessie, Facebook
27. Cleaned their ears.
28. Changed their post-birth pads.
"I mean, it’s probably not gross to other parents out there, but I remember after I had my c-section my partner had to change my bloody pads for me because I couldn’t bend down. Not once did he wince, cringe, anything. It was like he was just putting socks on for me. Sometimes gross things can be sweet. :)"
29. Powdered them.
30. Given them an enema.
"I was pregnant and super constipated. One day it got so bad I needed an enema. Sure enough my husband bought out the butt section in the drugstore, dumped the butt loot on the floor, gloved up, and tried his best to insert the enema in my butt. Although the excavation was unsuccessful, we found love in its truest of forms!"
31. Peeled their sunburnt skin.
32. Looked after a pilonidal cyst.
"Shortly after we married, my husband developed a pilonidal cyst – basically, an abscess right at the end of the tailbone, in the buttcrack. The larger the cyst grows (internally) the more painful it becomes as it presses on the spinal cord nerves.
"The cure is to lance it open (yeah, at the hospital emergency room), drain it, and place a cotton wick into the cyst to prevent the hole from healing up before it has completely drained and to keep wicking the fluid out. Well, this wick has to be replaced every day for about a week or two. So, while my hubby is bent over the arm of the couch on his knees, my job was to get up close and personal at his backdoor with a clean cotton wick and a pair of tweezers to stuff the wick in the cyst hole (a very painful for ordeal for him). Every day.
"That’s true love, friends."