First dates are nerve-wracking experiences. However, not many can be worse than the one overheard by writer, Anne Thériault last night.
Based in Toronto, Canada, Anne Thériault was sitting in a café when she noticed a rapidly failing date going on next to her.
The tweets begin with Anne spotting the unfortunate pair.
Watching a couple on what appears to be a terrible first coffee date at the table next to me. Dude is every precious self-involved writer.
Then things started to escalate...
"I'm writing a screenplay. It's about this guy who never really feels like he fits in. Like he's just different"
... and the quotes start rolling in.
"People tell me I look like James Franco."
Our James Franco-lookalike is a selfless, generous date.
She keeps politely asking him questions. Not once has he asked her about herself. Wait he just asked if she'd ever dated a writer wtf
JK. He's every bad date you've ever had in one person.
"Writing is really hard. People don't know that. It involves a lot of introspection, a lot of wrestling with your own demons."
With strong opinions on coffee.
He's now complaining about the "body" of the coffee, telling her he knows a place that doesn't over-roast their beans.
Strong opinions on everything in fact.
Every single thing she mentions he "did that one time, with my buddy" and is now an expert in
It's just. So. Awkward.
Girl: I actually love cooking Dude: Oh god you should try my puttanesca sauce, my friend who's a chef says it's even better than his
Then things go from bad to worse.
OH NO NOW HE'S TALKING ABOUT HOW HIS FEAR OF HAVING CHILDREN STEMS FROM HIS DADDY ISSUES AND I CANNOT
Girl has a look of mild panic.
Our heroine decides to beat a hasty retreat.
Girl just looked at her phone in feigned surprise. "Oh weird, I have a text from my mom." I just snorted audibly, turned it into fake cough
Which goes unnoticed.
Dude, oblivious: "oh yeah? That's awesome, I don't think my mom even knows how to text"
Cue the most desperate excuse to end a date you will ever hear.
Girl: "yeah, she's, uh, worried she left her stove on. she's in a meeting and can't go home. I'd better go check for her."
And a Speedy Gonzales-like getaway.
Dude: do you want to go and come back? Girl: It's pretty far. Maybe we can do this again next week? I'll text you. OUT THE DOOR LIKE A SHOT
The date may have ended, but Anne's viral fame as the woman who live-tweeted the most excruciatingly awful date ever, lives on.
I aspire to someday have a Wikipedia page where the highlight of my professional life is "live-tweeted a guy who looked like James Franco"
This has truly been her finest hour.
GUYS I HAVE SPENT YEARS WRITING THOUGHTFUL, WELL-RESEARCHED THINGS BUT MY LEGACY WILL CLEARLY BE LIVE-TWEETING A TERRIBLE DATE
Anne, we salute you.
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