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48 Things You Need To Know If You Didn't Watch The 2014 Emmys

And want to pretend that you did.

1. Amy Poehler being introduced as Beyoncé was the best thing to happen since Beyoncé's 2014 VMAs performance.

2. Why isn't "Best On-Screen Orgasm in a Civil Reenactment" a real thing?

3. It's about time someone roasted Matthew McConaughey. Thank you, Jimmy Kimmel.

4. Natasha Lyonne is hilarious. Exhibit A: Her advice about working with Jodie Foster. "Don't worry about trying, because you'll never be as good as her."

5. When Modern Family won the first award of the night, we should've known things were going downhill.

6. That Billy on the Street clip was his best one yet, mainly because of that OITNB joke.

7. Remember when Julia Louis-Dreyfus didn't recall making out with Bryan Cranston on Seinfeld when they were presenting together?

8. And then when Bryan Cranston grabbed Julia Louis-Dreyfus on her way to the stage to accept her Emmy, and made out with her for many, many seconds?

9. And then Julia Louis-Dreyfus totally remembered Bryan Cranston.


10. Jimmy Fallon's joke about Kim Kardashian making more money off her iPhone game than any television actor ever was way too real.

11. Only Melissa McCarthy could save Seth Meyers' awkward Q&A bit.

12. But that joke about Jon Hamm calling Maggie Smith's Emmy was pretty great, too.

13. They should really just give him one for all of the people who didn't show up to claim theirs. (I'm looking at you, Martin Freeman and Benedict Cumberbatch.)

14. Not gonna lie, it was disappointing that Allison Janney and Octavia Spencer weren't actually on stage to announce The Help 2.


16. So was Mark Ruffalo!

17. Really, just the entire cast of The Normal Heart!

18. Thank goodness The Normal Heart was at least recognized for Outstanding Made-for-TV Movie.

19. And Larry Kramer going on stage to accept the award with Ryan Murphy and The Normal Heart cast won the show.

20. Also, Ryan Murphy's speech about finding something you believe in was really great.

21. Amy Poehler and Seth Meyers should have just stood up on stage and told True Detective jokes all night.

22. I can't believe Woody Harrelson and Matthew McConaughey went there with a joke about the True Detective plagiarism allegations!

23. Also, George R.R. Martin in the audience with his typewriter. Maybe he's actually close to finishing The Winds of Winter?!

24. Andy Samberg was the best Joffrey I've ever seen!

25. I had no idea Ricky Gervais had been nominated for 21 Emmys, until he got on stage to present and bitched about losing 19 times.

26. But actually, it's too bad Ricky Gervais didn't win, because the speech he read before presenting about being nominated with "Joey from Friends" was spot on.

27. Sarah Silverman legit ran to the stage, barefoot.

28. "Thank you to my Jews at CAA." —Sarah Silverman

29. That was awesome when that guy from the Tonys won from the Emmys controller room!

30. Gwen Stefani pulled a John Travolta and botched announcing The Colbert Report. Seriously, The Colbort Report?


31. Also, what on earth was Stephen Colbert whispering in Jimmy Fallon's ear as Jimmy attempted to steal Colbert's award?

32. Jimmy Fallon would be the only person to get censored at the Emmys.

33. What was going on when that man made Sofia Vergara stand on an actual pedestal and spin?

34. Aaron Paul should give everyone's acceptance speech.

35. Does anyone in the world love anyone as much as Aaron Paul loves his wife?

36. Am I the only one who knew that was Sara Bareilles singing during the In Memoriam?

37. Apparently so, because Seth Meyers had to acknowledge the fact that she was singing, like, 20 minutes after the fact.


38. Billy Crystal reminiscing about Robin Williams at his family functions was so touching.

39. "Robin Williams, what a concept." —Billy Crystal

40. Anna Gunn should always keep her agent because she got her to read Breaking Bad immediately, aka "the best pilot she ever read."

41. "Julia Roberts, the woman who did Mystic Pizza and then never did anything again."

42. Speaking of... Julia Roberts was really having a grand ol' time up there.


43. Even Bryan Cranston almost voted for Matthew McConaughey!

44. Poor Josh Charles. The only time he got to hold an Emmy was when it was attached to the bathroom key.


46. If you weren't on Breaking Bad, I'm not sure why you bothered showing up.

47. Bryan Cranston and Aaron Paul are the cutest couple ever.

48. Ugh, Modern Family.

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