Ranking All The U.S. Presidents By Their Hairstyles
Happy Presidents' Day!
43. James Madison

Texture: The best straw in the land.
Shape: Snowy mountain top.
Overall Score: 2
Interesting form. Fantastic muttonchops.
42. John Quincy Adams

Texture: Soft cat hair.
Shape: The side parts of an oval.
Overall Score: 2.5
Cheek hair is so much cooler than regular hair.
41. Dwight D. Eisenhower

Texture: Dusty-ish? Like actual dust, maybe?
Shape: What is the shape of a nose hair?
Overall Score: 2.6
The name Dwight > hair
40. John Tyler

Texture: Baby's hair.
Shape: Like a yamaka, perhaps?
Overall Score: 2.8
This is a seriously serious hairstyle.
39. Martin Van Buren

Texture: A wool coat.
Shape: Floating clouds or bundles of cotton.
Overall Score: 2.5
If my hair only grew on the sides of my face, I would definitely brush it straight out as well.
38. William McKinley

Texture: A bamboo rug.
Shape: Martin Scorcese's right eyebrow.
Overall Score: 3
His practical approach was quite refreshing: A douse or two or three of water and you're good to go!
37. Lyndon B. Johnson

Texture: Wet soil.
Shape: The letter "C" turned sideways.
Overall Score: 3.2
It's like he took a shower, then let it air dry. Genius.
36. Chester Arthur

Texture: Iron wool.
Shape: Like a necklace for his face.
Overall Score: 3.5
His hair is literally connected at all ends, it flows like a river.
35. Theodore Roosevelt

Texture: Feathers
Shape: Skirt
Overall Score: 3.6
You know Teddy trimmed his own bangs.
34. Woodrow Wilson

Texture: The inside of an Ugg boot.
Shape: The top of his head.
Overall Score: 3.8
No time to style when you're running a country.
33. Warren G. Harding

Texture: Cow's fur
Shape: The edge of a penny.
Overall Score: 4
His brows were certainly something to envy.
32. Grover Cleveland

Texture: Toothbrush.
Shape: A goatee on his forehead.
Overall Score: 4.2
It's nice that he spent equal amounts of time on all three patches of hair.
31. Calvin Coolidge

Texture: Suede.
Shape: A desert plateau.
Overall Score: 4.4
Calvin was a classy chap, indeed.
30. Andrew Johnson

Texture: Robin William's arm hair.
Shape: Hipster beanie.
Overall Score: 4.5
What he lacked in shape, he made up for in volume.
29. Gerald Ford

Texture: Hairbrush bristles.
Shape: Porcupine.
Overall Score: 4.6
Hey, he played the cards he was dealt and he played them well.
28. John Adams

Texture: Whipped cream.
Shape: Victorian lady's collar.
Overall Score: 5
How does one achieve such ample heights?
27. James A. Garfield

Texture: A broomstick.
Shape: All the houses in the Shire.
Overall Score: 5.1
His salt n' pepper crumb catcher has been setting trends since 1881, fools.
26. George Washington

Texture: Squirrel's tail.
Shape: Mushroom.
Overall Score: 5.2
If you want to be taken more seriously, pair a Founding Father's wig with some lace. End of story.
25. William Howard Taft

Texture: Back hair.
Shape: Sleep mask.
Overall Score: 5.4
You just cannot compete with his handlebar 'stache and his middle-parted hair.
24. Bill Clinton

Texture: A towel.
Shape: Sloth-like.
Overall Score: 5.3
Bill's hair literally does all the work for him. It grows upward with strength and stamina.
23. James Polk

Texture: Bean paste.
Shape: A coonskin cap.
Overall Score: 5.4
Only a badass could pull off a receding hairline AND a mullet.
22. Millard Filmore

Texture: Fake plant.
Shape: Tablecloth.
Overall Score: 5.5
He gets high marks for creating a completely original hairstyle. It's like half-circle, half-square.
21. Herbert Hoover

Texture: Crumpled up silk.
Shape: Bottle cap.
Overall Score: 5.2
Seems to be the most popular 'do. If Herbert Hoover's hair had a twitter it would be trending right now.
20. Thomas Jefferson

Texture: Yarn.
Shape: A pile of dirty laundry.
Overall Score: 5.3
Only the finest goat and horse hair for this man!
19. Franklin D. Roosevelt

Texture: 6-day-old leg hair.
Shape: Small forest.
Overall Score: 5.4
Cool Guy Stan.
18. Richard Nixon

Texture: Pug's hair.
Shape: Tom Selleck's mustache.
Overall Score: 5.5
Yes, we noticed the pattern. Everyone loves some good hair gel.
17. Jimmy Carter

Texture: If you gathered all the hair on a salon floor and then touched it.
Shape: The side of a hawk.
Overall Score: 5.6
Except for this guy! Kept it au naturale.
16. Harry S. Truman

Texture: Oil painting.
Shape: Caterpillar.
Overall Score: 5.6
He looks like a picturesque president with his pocket square and his delightful little glasses.
15. Ulysses Grant

Texture: Carpet.
Shape: A garden before the vegetables have grown.
Overall Score: 5.7
An all-around solid look. I feel like this is what Justin Timberlake might look like when he's good and ripened.
14. Zachary Taylor

Texture: Old noodles.
Shape: Birds nest with bird in it.
Overall Score: 5.8
I like that he probably just rolled out of bed that morning and was like "What's up, I'm the President, bitches."
13. Rutherford B. Hayes

Texture: Kale.
Shape: A cartoon nose.
Overall Score: 6
He could've totally chewed gum in class and would've gotten away with it. That beard could win prizes these days.
12. George H. W. Bush

Texture: Sheets.
Shape: The bottom of a thimble.
Overall Score: 6.3
His hair looks like a sweet grandpa's.
11. Barack Obama

Texture: Teddy bear.
Shape: Upper half of the Earth.
Overall Score: 6.5
The most sophisticated buzz cut this world has ever seen.
10. William Henry Harrison

Texture: Real fur coat.
Shape: Leaves.
Overall Score: 6.7
It's like 50 Shades of Grey hair color.
9. James Buchanan

Texture: Dandelion seeds.
Shape: A flame.
Overall Score: 7
He's like the original Harry Styles, but fancier.
8. Benjamin Harrison

Texture: A doily.
Shape: Bikini top.
Overall Score: 7.5
I'm biased, he reminds me of that adorable old man who made Jurassic Park from that mosquito stick.
7. George W. Bush

Texture: Tumbleweed.
Shape: Waves.
Overall Score: 7.5
'Tis the definition of a coiff.
6. Ronald Reagan

Texture: Hairspray.
Shape: Queen Amidala's hat.
Overall Score: 8
The whole thing just works. It's structured. It's tidy. It's like a royal crown but made out of hair.
5. James Monroe

Texture: Bruce Jenner's hair.
Shape: Pipe.
Overall Score: 8.4
Who doesn't love a man who can rock a good pony?
4. Abraham Lincoln

Texture: Hair that hasn't been washed in two days.
Shape: Umbrella.
Overall Score: 8.5
This man was for sure one of those babies who was born with an absurd amount of hair. Just with like, an abundance of hair follicles.
3. Andrew Jackson

Texture: Polar fleece.
Shape: Carrot.
Overall Score: 9.2
No amount of mousse on this planet could make my hair that voluminious.
2. Franklin Pierce

Texture: Finely-knitted sweater.
Shape: Tree.
Overall Score: 9.9
This dude knew how to work a perm, am I right or am I right?
1. John F. Kennedy

Texture: Perfect.
Shape: Perfect.
Overall Score: Perfect.
Best hair of all-time.