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Jason Statham Is The Most Beautiful Bald Man On This Planet

Well, almost bald.

This is Jason Statham.

He plays lots of action heroes.

Lots and lots of action heroes.

Which is fitting because we always fantasize about him saving our lives.

He is astonishingly sexy, obviously.

Like, ridiculously good-looking.

He looks impeccable in any and all suits.

You may have noticed, he only has a limited amount of hair.

This only adds to his outrageous amount of sex appeal.

He wouldn't even look as good with hair.

See, Robert Pattinson's 'do does nothing for him.

He's hairless-ish and beautiful.

Very beautiful.

SO beautiful, he swung Rosie Huntington-Whiteley.

They are absolutely absurd-looking together.

Speaking of absurd-looking, this is his body.

What other man looks this good painted silver??

What other man could do all the cool and crazy stuff he does??

What other man could stand this close to a fire, behind this aggressive bear?

I mean, look at him. He knows how to sit on a chair better than anyone else who's ever sat on a chair.

Jason Statham should be your IDEAL man.

Also, based on this photo, he would clearly make the ideal husband and father of your imaginary children.

Who wouldn't want to stare at this baldheaded beauty for hours??

No one. The answer is no one. Even though he's wearing a cowboy hat, we still love him.

We shall join you, Jason, in shedding tears tonight because you'll probably marry that Victoria's Secret model.

But, at least we'll have this photo to remember and look back on. Good day, my friend.