Rome’s hottest club is the Vatican. Surrounded by a hideous old wall, this place has everything: dirty toilets without seats, old statues without penises, a trippy journey to the top of St. Peter’s dome, and a mass of people doing the Sistine Shuffle. So come on down. The lines only take three days to get through and you can enjoy getting thoroughly soaked by God’s tears as you stand outside and wait to get in.
I can, Seth. The Sistine Shuffle is one of Rome’s proudest traditions. Popularized by the thousands of tourists who visit the Sistine Chapel every day, the Sistine Shuffle is that thing of when you mash up against lots of strangers and inadvertently feel them up, but you never actually see their face because everyone keeps their heads tilted back to see the ceiling. The dance is performed under the watchful eyes and rhythmic chanting of the Sistine guards…
I did Seth, I did. If you like domes or have a child, then climbing the dome of St. Peter’s Basilica is the activity for you. It’s perfect for children, especially those who need to get over a fear of heights or tight spaces. All you have to do is climb over 500 steps, wind up a dizzying spiral staircase that will make you feel as though you’ve taken an illicit substance, then squeeze through a narrow and freakishly slanting hall that was built for people who weigh 1 pound or less, and finally, crawl up through a little hole onto the roof.
Yes, yes yes yes, Seth. Okay. Alright. If you’re looking for something the whole family will love - something that small children will not be frightened by - look no further. The Capuchin Crypts are the place for you. It has everything you could ever ask for in a crypt, like hundreds of femurs stacked against the wall in an orderly manner and vertebrae fashioned into light fixtures. It’s perfect for families because all of the skulls are smiling at you, which makes for a family friendly atmosphere.
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