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37 Things The Kardashians Have 100% Actually Said

"I never realised that a neck-lift would be such a transcendental life-changing experience for me."

1. Kim, on cars: "A Rolls-Royce is the best car if you have kids, spacewise."

2. Kris, on surgery: "I never realised that a neck-lift would be a transcendental, life-changing experience for me."

3. Kourtney, on homemade beauty remedies: "Putting mayonnaise on your vagina makes it shine like the top of the Chrysler building."

4. Khloe, on business: "My bling phone makes business calls nearly stress free."

5. Khloe, on being friends with exes: "If someone has seen my vagina, I think it's OK that I say hi and give him a hug hello."

6. Kris, on cooking: "If I'm cooking an Italian meal, I will grab my red Hermès china to go with the red sauce."

7. Kourtney, on makeup: "I have to contour my nose and cheekbones every day or I won't leave the house."

8. Kim, on going blonde: "They say I look a different ethnicity."

9. Kim, on selfies: "I've figured out lighting in different cities and countries, and when to be out at the beach and to be in a bikini. I've figured out my time zones in each country."

10. Kris, on creativity: "Some people paint, others make music and dance, I make table settings."

11. Khloe, on childhood: "My mom cursed so much when we were little that I thought my name was 'Fuck.'"

12. Kim, on her book: "It's called Selfish, which is fitting."

13. Kris, on talent: "I drank that wine without touching the lip of the bottle. And people say we have no talent."

14. Kim, on makeup: "I hate when women wear the wrong foundation colour, it might be the worst thing on the planet when they wear their make up too light."

15. Kourtney, on bidets: "I think it's for when you want to masturbate and don't have a vibrator."

16. Kris, on interior design: "I'm going to have candles burning, zen music, everybody whispering. And everybody's going to wear white. Like a spa. Or an insane asylum."

17. Kim, on childhood games: "Kourtney and I sat in my mom's closet and we were like, 'If Mom dies, we're going to write down who gets what.' We went through every last piece of her wardrobe."

18. Khloe, on art: "A painting of Marilyn Monroe was something that would make my house complete. Diamond dust glazed over the top layer of paint was something I didn't even know was possible."

19. Kourtney, on motherhood: "It's changed me and my life. Even the small details change, like the fact that all of my pictures on my cell phone used to be of me at photoshoots. Now they're all of Mason."

20. Kris, on her refrigerator: "It has its own personality. It is definitely a conversation piece when people come to my home."

21. Kris, on her heritage: "I'm going to teach you a new Spanish word every day, from my Mexican heritage. I'm not Mexican, but I've been there."

22. Kim, on fears: "Stretchmarks are my biggest fear of life."

23. Kim, on underwear: "I rarely wear underwear."

24. Khloe, on style: "Leopard print has been my thing forever. It's timeless, chic and always in style."

25. Kourtney, on hair-styling: "I am the worst at doing my hair. I feel like I need to go to hair beauty school or something, because it's becoming a problem."

26. Kourtney, on dressing boys: "It's all about shoes. I've seen so many little boys, and their outfits are so cute, and then their moms put kind of dorky shoes on them."

27. Kris, on body image: "I look like a cow with udders."

28. Kim, on her morning routine: "Kanye is the first person I talk to because he's right there next to me. I'll say, "Do you want to go for a run?" And he usually does. Or he won't because he has a workout."

29. Khloe, on photoshoots: "I'm not as comfortable as Kim baring my naked ass on the cover of a magazine."

30. Kourtney, on reproducing: "I want to have a third child just so I can eat the placenta."

31. Khloe, on poor timekeeping: "Your hair is shorter than a vagina's bush and yet you take so long."

32. Kim, on emotion: "I'll cry at the end of the day. Not with fresh makeup."

33. Khloe, on breastfeeding: "If the kid can say "Yo mom, pull out your tit and let me suck on it," that's ridiculous."

34. Kris, on cell service: "I don't have any cell service and it's making me have a rash."

35. Kim, on her website: "I don't know if I want to call it a website, to disrespect it."

36. Kourtney on familial disputes: "I'm ready to shove a taco up her ass."

37. Kim, on politics: "I had dinner with Obama once, and he just seemed very firm about the change, and that's, like, his motto."