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Your Houseplants May Be Planning On Killing You, And We're About To Tell You If You're Safe Or Not

Are Your Houseplants Planning On Killing You

It's Time To Find Out If Your Houseplant Is Going To Murder You

Do you ever come home and find your houseplants gathered in a circle around a thing of Miracle-Gro?

Does that plant that you keep on your dresser in your room seem to inch closer and closer to your bed every day?

Do your plants ever seem to growl slightly when you or one of your pets gets a little too close?

Does your spider plant summon actual spiders?

Does your Christmas tree ever seem to rustle when you're taking it down?

Do any of these things happen?

When you are cooking a soup that includes your own home-grown thyme in it, you feel like you're hearing small screaming as you turn the heat up on the stove...

Yes, your houseplants are planning on killing you. And soon. I suggest you move out now. Like right now. Now as in, "stop reading this and start researching for realtors already."

low angle view of trees during night time

R U N

There are signs, young one. Trust me. Your plants may not have the urgent need to kill you but they have the taste for human flesh in their teeth. Set up cameras. If you live alone, invite some friends over for a sleepover. Get a weapon, preferably fire-related. Be prepared for anything. Remember: anything that can happen, will.

Hmmm...maybe.

Yes, but you can't stop them.

BUT if you're one of those people with a bunch of nice fluffy green grass in your yard you might not want to leave your house — just because your houseplants aren't planning on killing you doesn't mean your outdoor plants don't wanna.

red and white i love you print on white textile

I don't think you houseplants are planning on killing you

You're good. Your plants love you. Just keep feeding them and watering them daily to keep it that way. Be prepared for anything.

Nope.

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Your Houseplants May Be Planning On Killing You, And We're About To Tell You If You're Safe Or Not

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