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1. An air sanitizer/deodorizer that'll one-up those little glass vials of seasonal scented oils and your diffuser because you'll only have to switch out a light bulb twice a year to keep it going.
2. Twisty curlers to turn damp straight hair into luscious waves overnight or even in just a few hours' time. No more tired arms or hogging the bathroom mirror with a curling iron!
3. An Instant Pot that'll handle 7(!!!!) kitchen tasks in one precious lil' appliance body so dinner's ready as soon as you walk in the door. Or even before and you can make the fam put it on the table for you?! That's some next-level setting and forgetting.
4. And a family size air fryer with an auto-shutoff so you don't overcook that juicy rotisserie chicken. Just look at it....
5. A K-beauty sheet mask subscription that'll ship monthly to your door. So ya' know, you can put one of these hydrating sheet masks on your beautiful visage for a 30-minute interval during which you're actually doing work for your skin.
6. A rapid egg cooker to get your favorite breakfast or salad topping *just* how you like it while you're in the next room doing better things with your life. Maybe you'll love it so much, you'll buy two(!) like my friend Marissa.
7. A motion sensor you can place on your partially opened (or closed!) window and set with an app to act like your guard dog while ya' snooze. And if you upgrade this plan, you can save on homeowner's insurance!
8. Boot-repair glue that'll help put your fave winter shoes back in working, er, walking order right when you thought there was no hope left! (Don't do the math on how many boots you've thrown anyway, it'll just be disheartening.)
9. A six-pack of moth traps you can park in all your closets because, tbh, moths are a problem year-round but you don't think about them 'til you crack open that coat closet post–Labor Day. Seriously, lay off my outerwear!
10. And some sticky traps to ensnare the whiteflies, fungus gnats, blackflies, thrips, fruit flies, midges, and other flying insects that've been wreaking havoc on your potted houseplants. Go ahead, concentrate on 90 Day Fiancé instead of those dang bugs.
11. A timed safety shut-off plug in case your holy grail hair straightener doesn't have an auto-shutoff and you're a tad forgetful.
12. Super fast drying nail polish that's so good (and so cheap) you should probably snag it in several of the 43 available colors.
13. A sunrise-simulating alarm clock that'll be even more effective than a regular model when it comes to convincing your body to wake up for the day.
14. Or a bed-shaking alarm clock with an extremely loud alarm if you sleep like the dead but your boss will kill you if you're late again this week.
15. A holy grail breadmaker with a gluten-free setting that'll help GF babes fulfill their doughy dreams for minimal effort.
16. A coffee subscription that'll help fuel your fire in other ways because scraping the bottom of an empty coffee bag at 6 a.m. is just devastating.
17. And a programmable coffeemaker I made my brother buy our parents years ago with an easy-to-wash carafe pot that'll let you drink hot coffee hours after you brew it.
18. Grippy hair ties with silicone nubs for keeping your ponytail right where you want it in the sweatiest of spin classes (trust me).
19. A toilet cleaning system — it'll circulate Oxi Clean with every flush for three months so you won't have to scrub your toilet quite as often!
20. A sous vide cooker to mind your food and make a cheap cut of steak taste like something from a fancy restaurant.
21. A seven-day timer for turning on your "at home" lamps on while you're on vacation, putting your holiday lights on a schedule, or just lighting a foyer lamp for you on days when you make it home after dusk.
22. Solar lights you can stake along your walkway, forget about during the day, and then marvel at at night when you're able to *safely* navigate your driveway and walkway while carrying groceries.
23. An automatic pet feeder that'll dispense up to four meals a day, lest you feel the wrath of Bowser's hanger.
24. And an automatic fish feeder because all your lil' creatures deserve to never skip a meal.
25. A makeup setting spray to help prevent a foundation slippage by your afternoon coffee break. Nobody deserves that.
26. And a budget-friendly setting powder in case sprays aren't your thing or you REALLY like to set things in place (like I do) by using powder *and* spray. so
27. A robotic vacuum for keeping things looking tidy on the reg because vacuuming every day is such a chore. Psst, it works with Amazon devices!
28. And a robot wet/dry mop for the perfect cleaning duo.
29. Soylent meal replacement shakes to stock your fridge up with a viable option when you have neither the time nor the patience to prepare actual food.
30. Pimple patches you can stick on a spot that's come to a head while you sleep for the night and then peel off in the morn to find all kinds of ick on it that used to be inside your blemish(!!!).
31. And XL patches for coverering larger areas so you aren't playing connect the dots with a bunch of tiny little circle patches.
32. A sea salt spray to add some serious texture with a windswept look that'll make it seem like you spend your days in the sand instead of hiding in your cubicle.
33. A rotating countertop oven for ~evenly~ cooking all sorts of frozen goodies. (Aka NOT overcooking, thanks to a timer!)
34. And really good toilet paper you can subscribe to on Amazon so you're never without it (which is v important).
Reviews have been edited for length and/or clarity.