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21 Things That May Actually Give You Some Damn Privacy

Please respect my privacy at this time...and at all times.

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2. A blunt doormat as a preview for anyone who won't take a hint.,

Promising review: "Bought this right before a local election and it worked! Instead of people knocking on my door I'd find political literature on my door handle saying 'Sorry we missed you.' And they didn't even knock! But last Sunday it did not turn away the lizard that got into my apartment. Took me 30 minutes to catch that sucker." —Adam

Get it from Amazon for $18.


3. A hooded travel pillow for achieving the ultimate in comfort and your *obvious* desire to be left alone.

Machine-washable with removable memory-foam insert.

Promising review: "Working in construction and taking a company shuttle every day, it was hard to 'zone' my coworkers out as I try to nap during our daily one-hour commute to work at 5 a.m. But this was the perfect solution. With the built-in earphones and hoodie, I was able to successfully take naps without being bothered by everyone's chitter chatter. The pillow's stiff, but still comfortable enough to support your neck." —Ti Emayarey

Get it from Amazon for $16.99 or Jet for $14.81.

4. A weatherproof driveway sensor that dings when it detects you're not caught off guard when someone selling stuff you don't want comes to the door.

Detects motion in up to four different zones and up to four sensors per zone, and up to 40 feet away. Receiver includes a 12-volt relay to add wired external alarms, chimes, or bells. Easy to install, runs on four AA batteries for up to one year.

Promising review: "Purchased as a gift for a family member and it was a huge success! Works amazingly well and we are all happy. It is installed on a long, winding driveway, which is very secluded. In my opinion, everyone should have one of these! We want one for ourselves, too!" —Deb M.

Get it from Amazon for $99.99.

5. A set of faux security cameras — they may help scare away any prowlers.,

Promising review: "Absolutely love these 'cameras.' They are very realistic and easy to install. I even had a sketchy-looking guy come up my driveway and when he saw the camera he turned around and hauled butt! So I would highly recommend them!" —D.W.

Get a four-pack from Amazon for $21.99.


7. A pair of blackout curtains that are perfect for snoozing or basically throwing a rave and not letting any nosey neighbors know — at least when it comes to visual cues.

Promising review: "I bought these as a privacy curtain for my bunk and they are the perfect size. They block out light really well. We have the lights on 24/7 where I sleep and theses are amazing! Not to mention great quality for the price!" —Catherine Carmichael-Davis

Read our full review here.

Get them from Amazon for $19.95+ (available in three lengths, 27 colors).

8. A pair of noise-cancelling headphones so you can drown out the world and lose yourself in some sweet tunes or a game.

Promising review: "Excellent sound quality. Have used them paired to my iPhone 6s for privacy while working and to a bluetooth transmitter on my TV so I can crank up the volume without disturbing my wife. Not something I'd want to go jogging with but I don't jog, so that's not an issue." —M. MCINTOSH

Get them from Amazon for $33.99+ (available in five color combos).

10. A sliding do-not-disturb sign that's going to look so good on your office door.

Promising review: "Love it. I have a cordial sense of humor at work. I have a cube and office etiquette is to knock on the cube wall. So I cut up an old sport schedule magnet, glued it to the back of this and then slapped it on the metal cabinet above my cube. Now, the 'do not disturb' part I would use only conservatively if at all. It's sanitized office fun and the coworkers get that." —bb

Get it from Amazon for $13.95.


11. A roll of pretty window film to obscure any lookie-loos' peeks into your home while stilling letting in natural light.,

Promising review: "Purchased for my bathroom windows, which face an alley. I could not be happier with the result! Installation was very easy with the following tip: The backing is extremely hard to peel off. Take some packing tape, press it onto a corner on the side with the backing. Then you can peel it off really easily because the backing sticks to the tape! We just used a credit card to squeeze out the bubbles. As you can see, it's just as pretty with colors as in the Amazon listing pictures. It also throws beautiful rainbows on the wall. I plan to purchase more for several more windows." —Jennifer

Get it from Amazon for $14.98+ (available in four roll sizes).

12. A huge pack of noise-cancelling ear plugs fit to be worn during especially noisy activities, like shooting at the range, working with power tools, moshing in the pit at a show, or just trying to get some sleep next to your snoring bae.

Promising review: "These really are the best. I live in NYC and use these for sleeping on nights when it's noisy (neighbor's party, etc.,) and they are great. They go in easily (90% of the time), expand very well, and block more noise than any other brands I've tried. I'll stick with these for sure!" —M. SWEET

Get 100 pairs from Amazon for $26.99 or 56 pairs from Jet for $8.69.

13. A roll of faux vines to make it harder for pesky neighbors to get all up in your business.,

Promising review: "These worked wonderfully to give some privacy to my backyard. I live in an attached town home, and have a 'creepy' neighbor. These gave me a little privacy without blocking out everything. I wove in some additional ivy strands to give some variety. I have had them up for about a year now, and they hold up well to weather conditions (snow, rain, freeze, heat). Color has lasted so far. No issues with hanging them. I used green zip ties purchased separately. Easy to cut and adjust the size." —Kimi Cee

Get a 94"x59" roll from Amazon for $43.94 or Jet for $26.69.


15. A giant umbrella, lest you have to feign an interest in Janet's story at the kids' soccer game.

Promising review: "This thing is awesome!! Lots of people at the beach asked us where we got it. This umbrella provides a certain level of privacy, which is kind of nice when a beach gets crowded and noisy. My 8-year-old niece asked me to buy her one for Christmas. I'll get her one before we go to the beach again." —He Was My Boyfriend!

Get it from Amazon for $57.44+ (also available in red) or Jet for $59.99 (just red).

16. A set of loud-and-proud trespassing signs because you want folks to take a hint before they resort to actual human interaction.

Promising review: "Already put two of these signs up on my fence! They'll keep the dummies from knocking on the fence or opening up the gate before thinking twice. (As long as they can read.) I used nails, because I couldn't get my stapler to work, but next time I'll staple them. They are not very thick, so I think staples will be more secure against the wind. Time will tell." —Marta Von Runge

Get a four-pack from Amazon for $6.49.

17. Or perhaps a subtler sign that'll catch the attention of anyone snooping.

Promising review: "Nice sign! Sturdy and attractive. Not as foreboding as most 'no trespassing' signs. Just a gentle reminder to remind tourists not to use my driveway for parking." —DocE

Get it from Amazon for $19.95+ (available in non-reflective and reflective).

18. A collapsible tent for changing in public without getting arrested!,

Promising review: "Purchased this to be used at running events for myself and my running buddy. We had been just suffering the ride home in our sweaty, smelly clothes...until I found this. Used it today for the first time at a half marathon. Was awesome to have. We were parked in a parking garage and just set it up in the empty spot next to us. I was concerned about having to fold it up but it folds up with no problem in seconds. Easy peasy!" —arieswitch

Get it from Amazon for $30.99.


19. A googly eyed windshield shade that'll make your coworkers feel a lil' awkward about looking to see if you're eating lunch in you car again to avoid the break room.

Promising review: "Funny to leave in the car. If you don't like the eyes you can reverse it. It fits in my 2006 Acura TSX. I just hold it up with the visors. I like that it folds flat and snaps compared to having to roll the one for my other car. There are also straps and rings but I have not needed them." —Dan Durig

Get it from Amazon for $15.88.

20. A soothing noise machine so it sounds like you're snoozing by a babbling creek in the woods instead of in the middle of a noisy city.

It has six natural sounds (rain, brook, ocean, thunder, white noise, and summer night), can be set for 15, 30 or 60 minutes, and runs via an AC adaptor (included) or 3 AA batteries.

Promising review: "I love the simplicity, functionality, and design of this sound machine. I bought two, one for my office for privacy and another one for my 7-year-old to help him focus on his homework and fall asleep. It's easy to operate even for a child, including setting up the timer that gives you only three options. Having six sounds options provides for enough variety, yet is not too distracting or overwhelming in terms of decision-making." —AW

Get it from Amazon for $19.99 or Jet for $19.99.

21. A roll of *legit* CAUTION tape you can claim you're just putting up for Halloween.

Promising review: "Using this outside to prevent people from using an entrance that has fallen into disrepair. It has been subjected to heavy rain, wind, and a little snow, and it still looks like it does when I put it up about a month ago. The printing has not faded or worn off. Very happy with it." —Ravelwriter

Get it from Amazon for $6.99+ (available in three lengths).