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1. An Instant Pot so you won't have to dead-eyed stare into space for 10 minutes once your friend group starts talking about all the delicious meals they've been making in this 7-in-1 appliance.
2. A family-size air fryer with a dehydrator and rotisserie to whip up something delish like the scenario pictured here.
3. A Samsung fridge for letting you see if you need to buy some more milk when you're at the grocery store.
4. A pro non-stick griddle (with a splatter guard!) that'll be at least half as nice as whatever Ron Swanson owns. (Plenty of room on there for all the bacon and eggs in your fridge.)
5. A fancy schmancy coffee maker — it may have you pulling a Homer Simpson over using subpar $40 coffee makers over the years.
6. An 18-cup water dispenser to slide right into your fridge so you can have cold, filtered water on tap 24/7.
7. A Le Creuset Dutch oven because you like nice things and it'll look lovely in your Instagram feed. Also, it's great!
8. A 14-cup food processor with a huge feed tube to get the job done in one fell swoop. (OK, maybe two if you're cooking for a huge crowd.)
9. A George Foreman grill with interchangeable grill and waffle plates so you can have the best of both worlds with half the storage space!
10. A flexible pancake turner to achieve Leslie Knope–level breakfast goals.
11. An electric knife set that'll keep your dinners from looking like a total hack job.
12. A 12-piece set of stainless-steel cookware for toughing it out in the dishwasher and oven for major kitchen multitasking.
13. A pair of silicone ice cube trays flexible enough for easy release and large enough so you won't blink and have a watered-down drink.
14. Or if you can't quit your normal-size cubes, a lidded ice tray will prevent cubes from being sacrificed to the kitchen floor gods and/or your dog.
15. A family of stainless-steel measuring cups you can portion heavy ingredients with and throw in the wash without the measurement going MIA.
16. An adjustable measuring cup to make the most of sticky ingredients so you don't end up with 1/4 cup of honey left in the cup.
17. A motion-sensor trashcan that'll help you dispose of stuff when your hands are covered in raw meat germs and other icky substances that could dirty up a regular trash can lid.
18. A recycler/trash can combo so no one in your family can claim ignorance when it comes to where they're supposed to throw their plastic bottles.
19. A glass pitcher with an easy-pour spout and comfy handle that'll ~handle~ itself with temps up to 300 ℉ so pouring boiling water into it will be NBD.
20. A cast-iron pizza pan to whip up some new family fav dinners.
21. And a cast-iron skillet so versatile, you'll be dizzy with all the possibilities.
22. A rocker pizza cutter to feed your (already healthy) pizza habit because you'll just want to use it every dang day.
23. A deep fryer here for you the next time you get a hankering for fried chicken or onion rings.
24. An electric can opener because you should be doing better things with your time than fooling with a hand-crank model or sharp edges.
25. An ice cream maker so you can treat yourself more often. You deserve it!
26. And a dishwasher-safe ice cream scoop with a no-slip handle to serve up that ice cream STAT.
27. A smart toaster oven with an LCD display that may cause you to leave your regular oven sitting cold and lonely.
28. A ~premium~ sparkling water maker so you can drink even more of the bubbly stuff.
29. A fancy juice fountain that'll basically pay for itself if you've got a serious green juice habit.
30. A 26-piece knife set so you can put your money where your mouth is on the reg. Or something along those lines.
31. A holy grail breadmaker with a gluten-free setting to help GF babes fulfill their doughy dreams.
32. A chef's mandoline slicer you can make sweet, sweet music with in the kitchen. (Yes, I know the difference between this and the instrument.)
33. A self-cleaning Vitamix blender that'll make you the envy of the neighborhood thanks to its super powerful — but very quiet! — motor.
34. A reversible maple carving board with grooves to catch any juices.
35. A Wi-FI enabled Crock-Pot — it'll make using a slow cooker even easier! And you thought that was impossible!
36. A *legit* coffee grinder to help you brew up the perfect cup without waiting in line.
37. A barista espresso machine that can do the (very important) work of adjusting water temperature for you.
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Reviews have been edited for length and/or clarity.