Just 32 Sex Toys And Congratulations, Now You Have Weeknight Plans For The Foreseeable Future
Sorry I RSVP'd no to your video happy hour. I'm just not feeling that ~vibe~ tonight.
We hope you love the products we recommend! All of them were independently selected by our editors. Just so you know, BuzzFeed may collect a share of sales or other compensation from the links on this page if you decide to shop from them. Oh, and FYI — prices are accurate and items in stock as of time of publication.
1. A clit-sucking toy thanks to air (yay technology!) you'll wanna shout about to the high heavens. 'Tis time to let someone else pull the weight after your colleague went MIA on that project but wanted to talk themselves up in the presentation.
2. A ~love~ wall art kit so guests can marvel over the fruits of you and bae's intimacy like a Rorschach test. When you mom asks what you did with your Wednesday evening, you can tell her you've taken up painting.
3. A two-fer toy that'll give ya G-spot and clitoral vibes because you deserve both! Also it's super quite, if that's a thing that matters....
4. A ~versatile~ toy with 100 vibration patterns you can use in all sorts of creative ways solo or with others. Feeling bored? I think you'll figure out something worthwhile ;).
5. A cult-status Hitachi wand with a long handle meant for external stimulation and powerful tennis ball-size head for anyone who need some seriously strong vibes.
6. A wearable vibrator that's Bluetooth-enabled in case you wanna let someone else take the reins from the other side of the globe. There's nothing like not having to think about how to get off after a particularly brutal Tuesday.
7. A flexible silicone vibrator that'll easily bend to the whims your vibes of yore would never. Plus it's waterproof!
8. A suuuuuper powerful personal massager – it charges via USB so you can get it ready while you're wrapping up that *one* last email. Now that's some multi-tasking I can get behind.
9. Some bondage tape that'll not only be fun for its obvious intent, but will also safely keeping toys in place where you need them without leaving a mark.
11. A silicone plunge paddle that takes a lot less force to manipulate than a wood paddle. But! The ease of use doesn't mean that it's only suited for beginners. Reviewers say it packs quite the punch.
12. An oral sex stimulator passersby may mistake as some kind of fancy smart home remote...which is especially great to know in case you accidentally leave it in the frame of where you take your work meetings.
13. A hands-free lube dispenser that'll also warm it to the perfect temp so you can easily get busy even faster!
14. A small flashy butt plug perfect for beginners — or just slideeee right in for those with butt play experience.
15. A water-based lube to make thrusting, slipping in, and all the other action verbs you get up to a bit smoother.
16. Or a silicone-based lube that won't feel sticky as it lasts nearly as long as you. (Or longer? Whatever, just have fun!)
17. A soft but firm dildo with a suction cup to keep it steady on surfaces while you go to work on it.
19. A rabbit vibe as a classic shape that won't disappoint, unlike your (virtual) drinks date that bailed on you.
20. A UFO-shaped vibrator for an otherworldly night you may need to take a personal day for after because it'll keep up with lots o' fun.
21. A four-piece butt plug training set in graduated sizes so you can work your way up to the top (or in this case, bottom).
22. A strapless strap-on dildo vibrator that has a posable pony to really get in there as needed. Psst, it's waterproof.
23. A luxurious stainless-steel dildo to help out in temperature play and reaching G-spots, P-spots, and all sorts of other pleasurable places.
24. A waterproof remote butterfly vibrator for clitoral stimulation you can easily strap on and then control with the provided remote for ~waves~ of hands-free pleasure. And it has a heating function!
25. Or a similar remote-control massager with a penis ring and 10 vibration speeds can offer up similar waves of pleasure the same price. Oh, and it's waterproof!
26. A G-Force silicone handle dildo with a curve that makes it easy to maneuver to reach a G-spot or P-spot during solo or partner play. Plus! It's made of nonporous silicone so it'll be easy to clean (you can even throw it in the dishwasher).
27. A aerial yoga swing you can — like many reviewers before you — use as a sex swing for more stability and better positioning.
28. A solo jacker with a window so you can see some of the action going on while you're going to town on yourself. It has two dual motors, works with a Bluetooth-enabled app, and may just fulfill all the things you thought would happen in the future.
29. Or a vagina-like Fleshlight penis masturbator that's super lightweight because this is technically a travel version!
30. A vibrating cock ring made for vaginal penetration or clitorial stimulation. But! Its design makes it easy to hold in case you'd like to use it to stimulate parts while it's not slipped onto a penis. Looping your finger in the ring part can be easier for some who have trouble grasping toys.
31. A ~flexible~ double-ended dildo that's 22 inches long with realistic veins for some extra sensation, meaning it'll be a fave for solo dual plugging or with a friend.
32. And some super thin vegan condoms so you can feel all the (nether-region) feels while playing with others.
Reviews have been edited for length and/or clarity.