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1. An Instant Pot — that'll handle 7(!!!!) kitchen tasks in one precious lil' appliance body so dinner's ready as soon as you walk in the door.
2. And a family size air fryer (that also has 7 features!) and an auto-shutoff so you don't overcook that juicy rotisserie chicken.
3. A timed safety shut-off plug in case your holy grail hair straightener doesn't have an auto-shutoff and you're a tad forgetful.
4. Super fast drying nail polish that's so good (and so cheap) you should probably snag it in several of the 43 available colors.
5. A sunrise-simulating alarm clock that'll be even more effective than a regular model when it comes to convincing your body to wake up for the day.
6. Or a bed-shaking alarm clock with an extremely loud alarm if you sleep like the dead.
7. A holy grail breadmaker with a gluten-free setting to help GF babes fulfill their doughy dreams for minimal effort.
8. Twisty curlers that'll turn damp straight hair into luscious waves overnight or even in just a few hours' time.
9. A wine subscription to keep your wine supply stocked and save you time in the aisle at the wine store staring at walls of doppelgänger bottles.
10. And a coffee subscription that'll help fuel your fire in other ways because scraping the bottom of an empty coffee bag at 6 a.m. is just devastating.
11. And a programmable coffeemaker I made my brother buy our parents years ago with an easy-to-wash carafe pot that'll let you drink hot coffee hours after you brew it.
12. Grippy hair ties with silicone nubs for keeping your ponytail right where you want it in the sweatiest of spin classes (trust me).
13. A toilet cleaning system — it'll circulate Oxi Clean with every flush for three months so you won't have to scrub your toilet quite as often!
14. A rapid egg cooker so you can get your favorite breakfast or salad topping *just* how you like it while you're in the next room doing better things with your life.
15. A sous vide cooker to mind your food and make a cheap cut of steak taste like something from a fancy restaurant.
16. A seven-day timer for turning on your "at home" lamps on while you're on vacation, putting your holiday lights on a schedule, or just lighting a foyer lamp for you on days when you make it home after dusk.
17. An automatic pet feeder that'll dispense up to four meals a day, lest you feel the wrath of Bowser's hanger.
18. And an automatic fish feeder because all your lil' creatures deserve to never skip a meal.
19. A makeup setting spray to help prevent a foundation slippage by your afternoon coffee break.
20. A robotic vacuum for keeping things looking tidy on the reg because vacuuming every day is such a chore.
21. Soylent meal replacement shakes to stock your fridge up with a viable option when you have neither the time nor the patience to prepare actual food.
22. Pimple patches you can stick on a spot that's come to a head while you sleep for the night and then peel off in the morn to find all kinds of ick on it that used to be inside your blemish(!!!).
23. A sea salt spray to add some serious texture with a windswept look that'll make it seem like you spend your days in the sand instead of hiding in your cubicle.
24. An air sanitizer/deodorizer that'll one-up those little glass vials of seasonal scented oils and your diffuser because you'll only have to switch out a light bulb twice a year to keep it going.
25. A rotating countertop oven for ~evenly~ cooking all sorts of frozen goodies. (Aka NOT overcooking, thanks to a timer!)
26. Really good toilet paper you can subscribe to on Amazon so you're never without it (which is v important).
Reviews have been edited for length and/or clarity.