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    32 Dark AF Kitchen Products To Match Your Soul

    A supernatural fit for your torture chamber.

    We hope you love the products we recommend! All of them were independently selected by our editors. Just so you know, BuzzFeed may collect a share of sales or other compensation from the links on this page if you decide to shop from them. Oh, and FYI β€” prices are accurate and items in stock as of time of publication.

    1. An egghead mold for a memorable source of protein, lest you leave the house feeling like a zombie once again.

    Promising review: "I tried this for the first time today and the eggs came out perfectly conformed to the template. My kids loved them, especially poking the eyes out and watching the yolk run all over the plate." β€”marcus orlowski

    Get it from Amazon for $7.61.

    2. A trio of custom tombstones to help mark the herbs of your windowsill garden so no one makes the deathly mistake of putting the wrong one in a recipe.

    Get them from Dem Bones on Etsy for $30.

    3. A teakettle with a pleasant whistle that won't compete with the screaming coming from the dungeon.

    And it comes with a lifetime warranty. ⚰️

    Promising review: "Getting tired of stainless-steel tea kettles that stain. This looks great and will continue to look great. Very sharp looking in black." β€”ClaudiaPace

    Get it from Amazon for $24.75.

    4. A pair of black shot glasses to help you chase any bitter taste from days you should've never left your cave.

    Get them from Urban Outfitters for $10.

    5. A silicone spatula that'll probably outlive every last one of us.

    Promising review: "The handles are nice and firm while the edges have that rubber flex that you want. Best of all, they are each an entire piece. No parts glued on to fall off later." β€”Carpenters

    Get it from Amazon for $7.39 (also available in blood red, frosty blue).

    6. A hot-air popcorn popper so you can have a snack with a satisfying crunch while watching your fav slasher.

    It doesn't use oil, so you can wipe it down with a damp cloth for cleaning!

    Promising review: "This popcorn machine/maker is so easy to use. I have never had a popcorn machine hat can pop the corn so fast. It even comes with a 'scoop' that helps me determine how much to put in for the amount of people in my house. It makes very healthy popcorn since there is no salt but you can any seasoning. I highly recommend this." β€”Kevin ohlman

    Get it from Amazon for $25.96.

    7. A set of ghoulish flatware that'll match your matte black heart.

    Promising review: "After six months all the flatware looks very good. I run it in the dishwasher, no problem. No spotting, staining or other irregularities." β€”Carole Ingram

    Get a 20-piece service for 4 from Amazon for $78.98.

    8. A tipping teacup perched as precariously as one's mortality.

    Get it from Uncommon Goods for $20 (available in black or white).

    9. An agate bottle opener to help you fully realize your gaudy goth aesthetic.

    Get it from Anthropologie for $9.95.

    10. A dozen washable kitchen towels to add some practical variety to your all-black decor scheme and life.

    Promising review: "Most dish towels will not hold any water at all, but these will actually soak up a fair amount and then wring out and dry easily." β€”Chris

    Get the set of 12 from Amazon for $16.99.

    11. A trio of skull ice molds to help you top off your elixir of choice.

    I own these molds and the cubes were *quite* the hit at a recent shindig. BPA-free and dishwasher-safe!

    Get them from Amazon for $12.79.

    12. A cookie jar for satisfying sugar zombies with one thing on the brain.

    Get it from Think Geek for $9.99.

    13. A pour-over coffee dripper for when you take your coffee β€” and everything else β€” black.

    Perhaps you like your coffee black, just like your metal?

    Promising review: "I couldn't wait to try this out. Previously we used a hard plastic dripper but it didn't last very long and my husband suggested getting glass or ceramic, I wasn't too keen on the glass but this one is just what I expected while watching over it for a couple of days I decided to get it and I am very pleased. Works grest, quick and easy clean-up. Might get another one so we can make both of our coffee at the same time. Great price and will make a great gift too." β€”Rachel V

    Get it from Amazon for $10.99 (also in white).

    14. A hand lighter mug to hold up when Slayer queues up in your morning playlist.

    Get it from Urban Outfitters for $8.

    15. And a set of ceramic coffee mugs approp for bone-chilling nights.

    Dishwasher- and microwave-safe.

    Get them from Amazon for $25 (available in nine colors).

    16. A grim spoon rest β€” it just may inspire your epitaph.

    Get it from West Elm for $12.

    17. An aptly named cocktail book full of drink recipes so good you could just die.

    Psst, this is from the folks behind this cocktail lounge.

    Promising review: "I've been interested in cocktails awhile, but this book took my interest and cocktail making to a new level. At first I didn't think I'd make many of the cocktails because so many included ingredients I didn't have, including infused liquors. I've now made many of the things you can make yourself, like multiple kinds of simple syrup, orgeat, etc. And if you don't have the exact ingredient, you can always try a substitute." β€”Glenn Ruhl

    Get it from Amazon for $9.99+.

    18. An immersion blender set that'll store peacefully in its own sleek little coffin,

    Promising review: "I love the whisk, as well as the blender. Comes in a handy carrying case, which is convenient for when I travel." β€”P. Hauser

    Get them from Amazon for $29.99.

    19. An opaque growler for toting around your bev of choice with some damn privacy πŸ’‰.

    Get it from Urban Outfitters for $12.99.

    20. A utensil holder that can double as an ice bucket when you decide to take a break from red.

    Get it from Amazon for $22.95 (available in seven colors).

    21. A double-wall French press as bright as your enemies' future.

    Promising review: "After a fairly traumatic experience with my Keurig and what had to be hundreds of little black ants, I looked for an alternative route to morning coffee satisfaction. I wanted something simple, easy to clean, and completely inhospitable to the aforementioned little black ants. This is just that. And, after a little experimentation, I have two perfect, tasty and pristine large mugs of joe daily. Plus it’s good looking and in my relatively small hand it’s comfortable and balanced. The added plus is no more little plastic pods to feel guilty about sending to the landfill." β€”PDX Reader

    Get it from Amazon for $99.95.

    22. A horde of creepy tumblers to liven up the Bloody Marys at your next brunch.

    Get them from Counter Culture on Etsy for $48.

    23. A pretty dinner plate as inky as the absence of everything.

    Microwave- and dishwasher-safe!

    Get one for $5.99 or four for $23.99 from Target.

    24. A ceramic pie bird that's a worthy sacrifice to the dessert gods.

    Promising review: "It delivers what it promises: a well-cooked bottom crust. Makes for a fabulous conversation piece as well, as most people have never heard of a pie bird." β€”Denise Caparula

    Get it from Amazon for $5.86+ (also available in blood red).

    25. A set of ceramic canisters that'll serve as a low-key alibi for whatever's inside.

    Get them from Amazon for $17.73.

    26. A cocktail kit and carrying case you can use to whip up a corpse reviver.

    Includes two martini glasses, a shaker, jigger, tongs, strainer, olive picks, stirrer and napkins. Features a divided, insulated compartment to carry two standard size spirits bottles. Comes with adjustable, detachable leatherette shoulder strap and a suitcase-style handle for easy transport.

    Get them from Amazon for $177.95.

    27. A granite-like cutting board that'll only look as cold as your heart.

    Promising review: "This board is perfect for meats, I have a teak board but I always use this one for running meats and poultry, it is very sanitary and my knives haven't gone dull from using it. I have washed it in the dishwasher and it hasn't bent, which happened to another one I had." β€”Ricardo Carvalho

    Get it from Amazon for $13.70+.

    28. An eggotomically correct mold to give new meaning to soaking up some knowledge.

    Promising review: "This is an eggsellent product. At first I was a little chicken to buy it, but I broke out of my shell and went for it. I'm glad I did because my daughter was very eggcited to see her shaped lunch egg. It ended up being a running yolk at school." β€”Readmore McCarthy

    Get it from Amazon for $8.99.

    29. A set of steak knives that'll pack some real bite.

    Get them from Jet for $30.

    30. A dim serpentine kettle, bowl, and platter to express how you feel about "healthy" eating.

    Get them from Anthropologie: teapot for $78, bowl for $98, and platter for $68

    31. A mini SMEG because you've got to keep your vials of blood somewhere.

    Get them from Urban Outfitters for $999.

    32. And a limited-edition goth AF KitchenAid Stand Mixer for making homemade meals so good you're ready to meet your maker.[KSM180LEBK]-5965096/KSM180LEBK/

    Here to fulfill all your darkest registry fantasies. BUT: KitchenAid is making only 500 in the US! It includes a 5-quart stainless steel mixing bowl, black-coated flat beater and dough hook, powered hub, tilt-head design, and 10 mixing speeds.

    Get it (while you can) from KitchenAid for $599.99 (down from $999.99).

    Or, get a slightly less-black KitchenAid mixer from Amazon for $255.59.


    Reviews have been edited for length and/or clarity.

    Looking for the perfect gift for any occasion? Check out all of BuzzFeed’s gift guides!

    Allison Krausman / BuzzFeed

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