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1. An uplifting postcard you can send to your future self. Or just keep up in your cubicle like a charming lil' motivational poster!
2. A monstrously cute bookmark that'll help you keep your place in your legendarily long reading list.
3. Unicorn tape for making the stickiest of situations feel magical.
4. A Baby Groot container ready to watch over your air plant and let you vent without interruptions.
5. Ethereal curtains — they'll transform any view (even of the side of a brick building) into a magical moment.
6. Pet goldfish earrings you won't have to feed.
7. Goofy clippers to lend you a hand...and foot.
8. A sushi bazooka that'll convince you to make delish love instead of war.
9. A change purse for reminding you why you work hard for the money — so your IRL cat's butt has nice places to sit while you're in your cubicle.
10. And while we're on the subject, a sack of poo to give you some chuckles when you need them.
11. A Wishbone button to rep your main dog who spurred your interest in classic lit.
12. Shakespearean insult bandages for covering the burns you're about to drop on all your friends.
13. A slow-rising, scented strawberry so you can squeeze and breathe your way through some trying interactions.
14. An exfoliating jellyfish to help buff away the remnants a day that was a waste of makeup.
15. A wax succulent for a houseplant that finally won't shrivel up and die on you.
16. A consoling notepad you can fill out for yourself OR for a loved one!
17. A sew-on patch to gaze upon the next time you settle for *good enough* when drawing on cat eye flicks.
18. A desk multitasker who won't even let nature get in the way of lending you a helping hand.
19. A travel buddy that'll coax you over to the sunny side next time your flight is delayed because they can't track down the pilots.
20. A bag of unicorn farts that taste like cotton candy.
21. An angry mama who steam cleans the inside of your microwave instead of telling you to clean your room in this same exact stance.
22. A pillow cover that'll give your old couch a cheesy spin.
23. Or a ~neutral~ pillow cover with a less-than-neutral tone sure to make you chuckle.
24. Feather pens to give a certain sense of gravity to the most menial tasks, like writing down your grocery list.
25. A backpack with bite that'll take a chunk out of the load in your arms.
26. Handy ears to keep your hair out of your face while you use your carbonated bubble mask. They'll be a winning combo for adorable selfies!
27. A couple of claws for holding your spoon and preventing a mess when you're just trying to cook dinner and get it over with.
28. A cross-stitch pattern to help commemorate the WORST vacation ever.
29. A low-maintenance pup you'll love as much as my corgi-loving friend.
30. A sweary coloring book or a family friendly farting animal coloring book so you can find something to fit the occasion.
31. A change purse that'll always be ripe for the picking.
32. A kinda-creepy but mostly cute grasshopper finger puppet to put on a goofy show.
And no, I'm NOT going to tell you to smile.
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