• Always follow the three C’s: Channel Charlie Chaplin

  • When showing thigh, replace all traces of femininity with “leprechaun-ity”

    It’s called “giving it the ol’ Annie Hall”

  • If you’re going to go casual, keep it Jewwy

    Repeat: “Leather on leather never looked better”

  • Dress like the award you want to win (and make sure your date wears a ski cap for good luck)

  • When dressing for an angel’s funeral, always carry sunglasses

  • Whatever Celine Dion says, do the opposite of that