Skip To Content

    26 Things That Are Just Slightly Inappropriate

    It really depends on who you're talking to.

    We hope you love the products we recommend! All of them were independently selected by our editors. Just so you know, BuzzFeed may collect a share of sales or other compensation from the links on this page if you decide to shop from them. Oh, and FYI — prices are accurate and items in stock as of time of publication.

    1. A pair of gold-plated sperm earrings to act as a little trophy for winning at the race of life — literally, we're all winners. Otherwise, we wouldn't be here.


    Get them from Jools Jewelry on Amazon for $38.50.

    2. A marbled guest book for your bathroom, because what if one day Oprah is driving through your town, right past your house, and really needs to use the she knocks on *your* door — you're gonna be real pissed you didn't have this there for her to sign.


    Promising review: "This provided a great laugh for our family during an extended stay at my brother-in-law's home in which the parents and all six siblings (and spouses) came to visit." —Jamie

    Get it from Amazon for $8.99.

    3. A bottle of very yummy hot sauce you should, maybe, not eat before or during a date.

    Promising review: "This is a great quality sauce with outstanding flavor. It is not so spicy hot that it nulls your taste buds, but it has a kick. Many of today's 'opportunistic' hot sauces just go for heat and intense chemical reaction to your mouth parts and sinuses. The STB sauce has been produced with quality flavor and great ingredients! I have already ordered more bottles to share with friends and to maintain my personal stock." —McHenry

    Get it from Amazon for $18.

    4. A super-soft cotton T-shirt that'll let you express your feelings in the least vulgar way possible.


    Promising review: "I get a lot of attention wearing this." —Amazon Customer

    Get it from Amazon for $17.95 (available in sizes M-3XL).

    5. A charming coloring book filled with over 60 pages of realistic portraits of your favorite mammals relieving themselves.


    Promising review: "The piles of poop images are scary accurate. Fantastic product." —Mayme Tucker

    Get it from Amazon for $6.99.

    6. A magical and inspirational coffee mug that actually doesn't say anything bad...when each word is said independently.


    Promising review: "The cup says what we often want to but can't." —Tammy

    Get it from Amazon for $12.99.

    7. A pair of sandal socks for a crime against fashion and humanity.


    Promising review: "They're sturdy, comfy, AND an abhorrent affront to your sensibilities." —Joseph Pulitzer

    Get it from Amazon for $10.75.

    8. A set of wooden coasters that'll let your guests know exactly how you like it — without any watermarks.


    Promising review: "These look classy but are absolutely hilarious and inappropriate in a tongue-in-cheek way. Make a great gift, and are an unexpecting slice of humor for your guests." —nicole-usa

    Get a set of four from Amazon for $16.99.

    9. A small hand-poured scented candle to help fill the room with all the contempt you feel., Amazon

    Promising review: "Awesome little candle. It immediately triggered the middle manager who tried to chew me out but has no seniority or power to back it up. A week of passive-aggressive sticky note exchanges later, it remains on my desk as my own quiet little trophy." —TJ

    Get it from Amazon for $25 (available in 32 scents).

    10. A set of cotton kitchen tea towels perfect for greeting you bright and early when you're half asleep trying to make coffee — but then inevitably spill everything, everywhere.


    Promising review: "They are tea towels so I don't think they are supposed to be very absorbent. If you want absorbency then these are not the towels you want. However, if you want decoration, something that looks nice, or if you want to cover a fresh loaf of bread out of the oven...then this is for you. Just know they are tea towels and NOT dish towels. I'm happy with them for what they are." —Crystal

    Get a set of four from Amazon for $29.99 (available in five styles).

    11. A purrfect pair of super comfy undies so anyone who sees them knows exactly what they're getting themselves into.


    Reviewers have noted that these tend to run a little small, so consider sizing up!

    Promising review: "I bought these for my girlfriend, she never expects I can get such cost-effective panties. The fabric is extremely comfy, seamless on lining makes it ultra-soft, the kitty print is well done. My girlfriend washed and dried them and they held up. She went to a fancy dress party last night, so much laughter. People can't find the words, a great joke gift indeed." —Jack

    Get it from Amazon for $5.99+ (available in sizes XS-XL and in 40 designs).

    12. A 96-page coloring cookbook filled with delicious recipes you can make at home for your whole family.


    Promising review: "Everyone who sees this, wants it!" —Littlebig

    Get it from Amazon for $15.95.

    13. An embroidered baseball cap that'll make your mother feel really, really uncomfortable — and probably a little left out.


    This is also really great for any bachelor/bachelorette parties — as evident by one I recently attended.

    Promising review: "It is a hat. It is good. My mom was mortified when I wore it, but that was the goal." —Riley

    Get it from Amazon for $12.99.

    14. A bar of soap you really need to pay attention to, 'cause mixing it up is not an option.


    Promising review: "This soap is great! It smells nice (classic soap smell, so I smell nice and clean) and my husband thinks it's hilarious. I think it'd make a great gift for anyone with a sense of humor. The words are imprinted pretty deep into the soap too, so you can read it even when the bar is half-gone." —bethany duffy

    Get it from Amazon for $7.43.

    15. A good-humored paperback book filled with poems about ice cream — look, you shouldn't judge a book by it's cover but...


    Promising review: "Haven't bought or read this. I was gonna give it one star just because I don't like the cover but the poems might be great." —Pat

    Get it from Amazon for $11.53.

    16. A pair of stretchy crew socks, because sometimes you need flowery language to get your message across., Amazon

    Promising review: "Grandma commented on how they were 'pretty and such bright colors' before I revealed the delicate statement. Even then she gave such a hearty laugh that I can’t wait to show her the rest I ordered!" —Joylinn

    Get it from Amazon for $5.49+ (available in sizes 5-11 and in over 50 designs).

    17. A nutritious cookbook filled with delicious recipes that'll help you grow some balls — just kidding, they're chicken recipes.


    Promising review: "My brother is a huge cock enthusiast so I bought him this book. He was extremely impressed by the book, it was thicker than he expected, and he seems to really be taking it all in." —Jason Cupkey

    Get it from Amazon for $13.76.

    18. A stemless wine glass so you enjoy the flavorful contributions of your favorite pinot — I mean really just enjoy it, take it all in.

    Promising review: "Good quality and good price. And that's all I have to say about that..." —Skinny

    Get it from Amazon for $14.90.

    19. A bottle of hand sanitizer that's filled with some good, clean humor.


    Promising review: "I gave this to my younger brother who touches his genitals all the time. The moment he poured some of this miraculous sanitizer on his grubby hands the sin just washed off! Amazing. This product is doing the Lord's work. Would recommend for all sinners." —will sanders

    Get it from Amazon for $7.67.

    20. A preshrunk cotton shirt so you can be reminded to slow down and pay attention — otherwise, you might miss something.


    Promising review: "My son LOVED it. His teachers not so much. He did get detention over the shirt. But he said it was worth it." —Witchdoctor131

    Get it from Amazon for $6.99+ (available in sizes S-5XL and in 13 colors).

    21. A super-soft microfiber pillow cover for all of you out there trying to thrive in these passive-aggressive streets — or should I say, sheets.


    Promising review: "I honestly don’t have the words to write the review this product deserves. I bought this for my husband for our two year anniversary, the ‘cotton’ anniversary. The packaging blew me away. The box is so awesome. You can wrap it as-is. Inside you’ll find a card that you can give with the gift!!!!! The pillowcase is made from high-quality fabric with a high-quality sturdy zipper." —Brandice Rivera

    Get it from Amazon for $16.94.

    22. A resourceful craft book so you can get started on all your holiday gifts — I know it's barely August but nothing says thoughtfulness more than a painstakingly handmade gift.


    Promising review: "It really only teaches you how to felt cat hair and make finger puppets or little fingers out of it. However, if you do, they're really cute. I made one for my friend for his birthday out of his own cat's hair. I did a little extra embroidery on mine to give it more defined claws, eyes, and face." —SBP

    Get it from Amazon for $9.73.

    23. A protective cotton oven mitt — maybe if you make the food hot enough all those little scoundrels eating you out of house and home will keep their mitts off your cooking.

    Promising review: "Flipping hilarious (get it... flipping...burgers?)! Bought this for my husband as a gift. I’m pretty sure they used a photo of him cooking as inspiration and the quote is straight out of his mind. Works great, the thumb is short so it’s hard to get a grip the heavier/bigger the item." —S.A.K.

    Get it from Amazon for $12.99.

    24. A pack of antibacterial wipes, because bacteria is nut a joke. There are more than 7000 rare diseases out there, affecting 350 million people — when you think about it, it's really a lot to swallow.


    Promising review: "I got this glorious gift for my brother, who is in the Navy. I'll never forget the shear joy on his face when he opened this present. He exclaimed, 'I can't wait to use these for my face!'" —Michael Rendel

    Get it from Amazon for $9.95.

    25. A polished stainless steel cuff bracelet, because, seriously, fuck everyone.


    Promising review: "I love this bracelet. I have large wrists and was worried it wouldn't fit or look right. It looks fantastic!" —Julie

    Get it from Amazon for $12.88 (available in 13 styles).

    26. And a set of shitty little seasonings so you can spice up your kitchen.


    Promising review: "Fell in love with Chicken Shit originally, and so did my husband, the main cook in our home. We ran out and knew we had to have more. Got this for a great deal! And they're all good! Product packaging will have you laughing a lot!" —Teresa Alred

    Get a five-piece sampler from Amazon for $47.08.

    My parent's reaction to me rocking those sperm earrings: [shocked in Spanish]

    Televisa S.A. de C.V.

    The reviews for this post have been edited for length and clarity.

    Looking for more great Amazon finds? Check out some of our favorite cheap things to buy on Amazon, some of the weirdest things on Amazon you might actually want, or read through all the rest of our incredible Amazon product recommendations.

    Looking for the perfect gift for any occasion? Check out all of BuzzFeed’s gift guides!

    Allison Krausman / BuzzFeed