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1.A, as they say in St. Olaf, cross-stitch kit filled with 12 Golden Girl-inspired designs and enough materials to complete two of those designs.
2.A ::in my best southern accent:: devastatingly gorgeous 1,000-piece jigsaw puzzle complete with a giant image of these lovely ladies' beautiful faces.
3.A lively little Golden Girls Chia Pet, picture it, a bust of your favorite girl with sprouts growing out for hair.
4.A classic vinyl sticker you'll take everywhere with you and never put down — ever.
5.Or an enamel pin version that'll cling to you like its name was Stanley Zbornak.
6.A classic tiki cup perfect for all those cocktails you'll enjoy on the lanai.
7.A perfectly scented soy candle filled with the scents of Sicily and marinara sauce — not actually, but there's an idea!
8.A set of Golden Girls shot glasses, because you know what they say: you can lead a herring to water, but you have to walk really fast or he’ll die.
9.A delicious recipe book filled with dishes so good if they were a person you'd get naked and make love to them.
10.A cozy little sweatshirt to wear around your parents while you're isolating together as a reminder of where you're gonna put them if they don't stay home.
11.A set of stemless wineglasses so you can have a relaxing drink after work and stop being as jumpy as a virgin at a prison rodeo.
12.A copy of The Golden Girls Clue board game, because we all know Rose ate the last piece of cheesecake, in the lanai, with the wooden spoon — it's time you proved it.
13.A hilarious Golden Girls Mad Libs book, because thank you for being a [noun], traveled down the road and [verb] again. Your heart is [adjective] you're a pal and a confidant.
14.A windshield sun visor so you can stop some of those hot Miami rays from heating your new Mercedes — that you're probably going to have to return.
15.A comfy and relaxing cotton T-shirt to wear on your next lazy day — isn't it amazing how I can feel so bad, and still look so good in this shirt?
16.An awesome photo booth prop set, because after 80, every year without a headstone is a milestone — and so we should celebrate with a party.
17.A pair of comfy crew socks designed to be worn while eating cheesecake in the middle of the night.
18.A sturdy dishwasher-safe mug because people waste their time pondering whether a glass is half empty or half full — you, you just drink whatever's in the glass.
19.A vintage-inspired keychain so you can grab your keys and go grab some ice cream or commit a felony, you'll decide in the car.
20.And speaking of Shady Pines, a Bingo set for up to 16 people so you have something to play when they put you back in the home.
21.A set of tarot cards that'll give you a look into whether you're destined to be a Rose, Dorothy, Blanche, or Sophia in your future.
22.A decorative vinyl sticker just in case any Stanleys come knocking on your door looking for a place to crash.
23.A set of classy looking magnets that'll support your decision every time you go to the fridge for another cheesecake.
24.A nice ceramic mug you can pretend was a souvenir from your trip to St. Olaf.
25.A comfortable T-shirt because you're fluent in Golden Girls quotes.
26.A Betty White brick you could maybe use as a weapon, I mean you're pretty bad, you eat raw cookie dough, and, occasionally, you run through the sprinklers and don’t wear a bathing cap. And at Christmas, you’ve been known to put away more than one eggnog.
27.An indoor/outdoor vinyl sticker that's just the hergenbargenflergenflurfennerfen.
28.A reusable cotton face mask reminding you to stay safe and that you'll not be mixing a margarita in a sailor’s mouth anytime soon.
29.A delightful coloring book because you should live like Rose, love like Blanche, think like Dorothy, and speak like Sophia — oh and color all of them.
30.A perfect enamel pin that's honestly just a blessing — why do blessings wear disguises? If I were a blessing, I’d run around naked.
31.A bright cotton T-shirt, because you have a date with a venus fly trap and need a new shirt.
32.A perfectly sized ceramic mug so you can get your morning coffee and get to work on time for once — although, as they say, better late than pregnant.
33.A very informative book filled with the life advice only a friend could give — and let me tell you the three most important things I learned about life: number one, hold fast to your friends; number two, there’s no such thing as security; and number three, don’t go see Ishtar. Woof.
34.A comfy little eye mask perfect for when you feel like crawling under the covers and eating a box of Velveeta.
35.A crochet guide and kit so that you can recreate these delightful ladies — but fasten your seatbelt, slut puppy. This ain’t gonna be no cakewalk!
36.A gorgeous matte art print perfect for that person that says 'on who?' when you say jump.
37.A Dorothy level trivia game to test your smarts on the show.
38.And a floor plan of their exquisite home so you can always find your way to the lanai.
The only thing missing from this list...
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