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129 Thoughts I Had At NYC's First Country Music Festival

Never have I wanted so badly to be a cowboy than at Farmborough NYC.

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1. Wow. That's a lot of denim.

2. Moonshine's a real thing?!

3. I love Moonshine.

4. Sorry Luke Bryan, I know you say rain is a good thing, but I've never hated it more than this moment.

5. Holy denim Batman, it never ends! (Applicable to both the endless rain and denim.)

6. The cowboy hat vendor would be called "Down 'n' Dirty Hat Co."

7. Must resist the urge to buy myself a cowboy hat even though I would look badass in it! I should've been a cowboy. Or cowgirl. Whatever.

8. Alright, Next From Nashville tent, let's see what you got.

9. Oh dang, this acoustic duo is killing it!

10. Oh dang, my thoughts already have a southern twang to them…

11. I gotta look up this band. Striking Matches from Nashville. They were on a show called Nashville!

12. I wonder if they're dating.

13. They would be like the White Stripes of country music.

14. Except there's no drums and it's only acoustic…

15. And The Civil Wars already sorta had that niche covered…

16. But they broke up…

17. Oh nevermind.

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18. This rain is actually going to kill me.

19. Country fans are dedicated to be muscling though this rain. They're all poncho'd up and ready to go!

20. I bet their cowboy hats and boots are super handy for this kind of weather.

21. However, the girls here have to be regretting their Daisy Dukes at this point.

22. Oh yay! Here comes Justin Moore! He's shorter than I expected, but in a cute way.

23. Nothing wrong with short! I'm super short. Maybe we could be short together and live in the ~country~.

24. I've never seen such tight jeans on a guy before.

25. Oh wait. Yes I have. On every emo kid in the '00s. I wonder if the emo kids stole the tight pants trend from country kids.

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26. Real talk: I wish my butt looked like Justin Moore's in them jeans.

27. There are a lot of American flags waving around out here.

28. Did Justin just take some kids flag?

29. Yep. Yes he did, and he's waving it around on stage. And now he's thanking the troops. Ok, this is happening, this is an actual thing.

30. Alright. Fuck it. America! U! S! A! U! S! A!

31. I just chanted U.S.A. and it was actually pretty fun.

32. I've never felt so badass about being American, tbh.

33. This is too surreal. I am in a parallel universe where I feel genuinely excited by the stars and stripes. Time to go over to the other tent now.

34. There is actually water up to my ankles! The beer cans on the ground look like swimming fishes.

35. Alright, Nashville tent, wow me while I dry!

36. Oh, these guys, whoever they are, are fun! Not fun enough for me to look them up while I'm soaking wet, but still: fun!

37. I'm so excited everyone is jamming out to bluegrass.

38. I'm getting the uncontrollable urge to grab someone and swing them round and round.

39. Everyone should learn how to play jug. I should learn how to play jug. I think I'd be good at jug.

40. FYI: This band does not even have anyone playing jug. I'm just in the ~spirit~ of the weekend.

41. Fun band never said their name. I have to remember to look the up later.

42. It's raining so hard I'm afraid to leave the press tent. I think I'll actually drown.

43. Alright, I can do this. For Dwight Yoakam.

44. CHAAAAAARGE!

45. Ok, Dwight. You're the oldest musician here, I'm expecting big things.

46. Plus, if your set sucks this rainstorm will only get more depressing.

47. Oh la la! I like the stage costumes! So sparkly!

48. Oh lord. Dwight is rocking the tight jeans too and he looks amazing. Why does his butt look better than mine?! I am Tina Belcher and this weekend is my butt buffet.

49. That guy in front of me has literally been here all day waving the American flag nonstop. That's got to be a workout.

50. Dwight, you still got it! You did not disappoint.

51. Totally worth standing in the rain for 6 hours.

52. Serious question: It's raining on the artists too. How are they not getting electrocuted??

53. They're being asked to end early.

54. Wait, noooooooo! I wanna hear more!

55. Dwight said they just asked him to play only one more song and him and his band silently agreed to actually play five songs without stopping.

56. Badass.

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57. If I ever meet him I wonder if he'd be willing to give me that sparkly jean jacket…

58. I mean, he probably has, like, a million of them, right?

59. Maybe he'll walk out and I can ask him.

60. Oh yeah, it's raining and he's probably smart. He' definitely staying where it's dry. I don't blame him.

61. Actually, I want to be dry too. Later Farmborough! Great shows today! See y'all tomorrow!

62. Woooo! Day two!

63. And today I'm wearing boots so I'm golden.

64. Is that… Yep, that is a guy dressed like a horse with his friend riding him.

65. All around, a good start to the day.

66. Who's playing at the Nashville tent? I can check now since it's not raining!

67. Ack! I just remembered I forgot to check who that band was yesterday that played. Now I forget where they were on the lineup. Oh well, that's what Google's for.

68. So, Logan Mize. That's a fun name. It sounds like smize. He better have a killer smize.

69. The two stages have such different dynamics.

70. Seriously, the Nashville tent is much more up-and-coming artist playing cowboy songs, while the main stage has a bunch of big time pop-country artists who are all about having a good time.

71. This dynamic is perfect! I love it.

72. Wow. Logan Mize kinda sounds like a country version of Blink-182 and I don't hate it.

73. Pop-punk keeps coming to mind with all the shows I've heard here, coincidence??

74. Damn, country has some kick ass guitar solos!

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75. I wanna learn how to line dance. It doesn't look that hard, tbh.

76. Actually, nevermind. I'm obviously not at the same drunk level as these guys.

77. Which might have something to do with the fact that beers are, like, a billion dollars here!

78. Trying to get the crowd to clap along never lasts.

79. I really should've gotten myself a cowboy hat.

80. Logan Mize has the dad bod of the century!

81. Country singer starter kit: Tight AF jeans, tight AF t-shirt, cowboy boots, and a leather guitar strap with your name on it. Boom!

82. Ok, on to Dustin Lynch.

83. Oh yeah, he definitely used the country signer starter kit.

84. Can somebody please explain to me what "she cranks my tractor" means?

85. Dustin Lynch is really, really ridiculously good looking…

86. I wonder if one day he just caught his reflection in a spoon while he was eating cereal, and thought "wow, you're ridiculously good looking, maybe you should sing country music."

87. So much America happening right now.

88. Yaaasss. Dustin Lynch, you through back to the '90s! I have no idea what '90s song this is, but I like the throwbacks!

89. I have a soft spot for cowboys in my heart.

90. Nashville tent time.

91. Oh yay! A cowgirl. She's so tiny! I love her already.

92. Yes, more banjo, all the banjo! Banjo seriously rules.

93. Ruthie Collins you strum that guitar!

94. Also, that dress is amazing. I want that dress!

95. Yesterday left it's mark so hard with all the mud, how is she so clean right now? I'm speckled with mud all over…

96. She's covering Ariana Grande ("One Last Time") and it's fucking amazing!

97. She's slowing it down even more and adding that southern sound with fiddle and backup vocals, I could listen to this version all day.

98. Plus, for the first time I actually understand the lyrics!

99. Ah! She plays banjo too, I think I'm falling in love with this cowgirl.

100. Yep. I am officially in love with her, she's covering "Rambling Man" by the one and only Hank Williams Sr., one of my favorite country songs.

101. Ok. I have to say Hank sings it better.

102. Another '90s throwback! Shania Twain! Yasss! How could I forget country ruled in the '90s?

103. Randy Houser just started, I should probably go catch that.

104. But, srsly, I love you Ruthie Collins. Call me!

105. Still with the tight pants, I ain't mad.

106. Damn. Randy is really stepping it up with the stage aesthetics. This light show is killer!

107. His guitarist looks a lot like Billie Joe Armstrong from Green Day…

108. Seriously, what is happening? Are country and pop-punk closer relatives than I thought?

109. My mind is being blown right now. I mean, I like country and pop-punk, but I didn't think there was a connection! Woah.

110. Ah! And his steel pedal guitar player looks just like that one Muppet who is that psychedelic hippie. What are you trying to pull here Randy Houser?

111. I'm thoroughly impressed by this light show. Well played.

112. Ugh. I'm definitely leaving this place with a southern accent. How am I going to explain this to my friends and family??

113. Finally, Luke Bryan, shut this thing dowwwwn! Like, in a good way.

114. Tight pants? Check!

115. Wait, where is his leather strap?? He doesn't have a leather guitar strap! If you don't have a leather guitar strap with your name on it, did anyone really hear you play guitar?

116. His light show is doing some great things too!

117. Oh my god! Someone just threw a bra on stage and Luke Bryan picked it up and said, "Good job. You've got some big ole' titties." I actually just died.

118. Randy and Dustin just joined him on stage, they're like the pop country trifecta!

119. He started to sing Taylor Swift and then stopped! Why?! Heartbroken.

120. Alright, I want to party with Luke. He has so much fun on stage! They literally all just took tequila shots!

121. I'm literally in a sea of cowboy hats. I knew I should've bought one.

122. The opening of "Games" just gave me an Avril Lavigne flashback… I swear I'm not even that big of a pop-punk fan, I don't know why this keeps happening!

123. Aaaaaand again with the chanting, "USA! USA!" If you can't beat them, join them. It's unavoidable here.

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124. A fight just broke out in front of me and cowboy hats went flying. I missed my chance to get a free hat! Damn!

125. My ears are very content after a long weekend of country music.

126. Seriously, this festival was so much fun! I feel like I had even more fun because all of the musicians were having fun on stage.

127. That sounded pretty cheesy but I don't care.

128. Alright. Time to get funnel cake and go home.

129. One last thing: I didn't see any confederate flags, like not one. In fact I saw a bunch of rainbow Pride flags. I'm impressed, FarmBorough.

A former version of this post misnamed Logan Mize.

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